Intimacy: Today, I decided to come onto my husband to switch things up....

By married an old man - 05/03/2013 17:57 - United States - Rancho Mirage

Today, I decided to come onto my husband to switch things up. When I started kissing and trying to undress him, he pushed me off, saying "What're you doing? Jeopardy's about to start." FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 068

You deserved it 6 733

Thanksgiving: Turkeys and Skids
Family meals that turn absurd, because Thanksgiving is also about laughing at little disasters. More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

By unwantedlove - 25/02/2011 18:36 - France

Today, my fiancé and I were cuddling on the couch watching TV when we started kissing. As I crawled onto his lap and started to unzip his pants, he said, "You're blocking the TV." FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 159

You deserved it 6 912

By Anonymous - 18/07/2013 19:01 - Netherlands - Herkenbosch

Today, I tried coming on to my fiancé. He just pushed me off and got out of bed, saying he wasn't in the mood. A half hour later, I caught him jerking off to several windows of porn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 477

You deserved it 6 678

By Anonymous - 04/01/2016 06:59 - United States - Atwater

Today, my husband and I were getting frisky. All was going well until I decided to go down on him, causing him to freak out, thinking I was going for his butt, ending the night with a black eye from being knee'd in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 607

You deserved it 2 704

By MyLife - 06/02/2013 08:04

Today, my husband decided to start seeing other people. I found out when I called and interrupted his date. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 584

You deserved it 2 632

Denied

By Anonymous - 21/01/2010 05:28 - Canada

Today, during an episode of King of Queens that my boyfriend has seen more than once, I decided I'd try to get a little frisky. I straddled him while he was on the bed and began taking my clothes of. He pushed me out of the way and said, "Don't get naked in front of the TV." FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 744

You deserved it 4 498

What are you doing?

By Noname - 20/02/2009 05:06 - United States

Today, I started doing a striptease for my husband. He asked me to stop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 92 409

You deserved it 19 394

Buzzing the tower

By Princess ? - 12/04/2020 14:00

Today, I was taking a shower when my husband suddenly came in naked. I thought we were gonna have some fun, and so tried to be sexy. He took a quick shower and left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 164

You deserved it 283

By Anonymous - 27/02/2016 07:27 - Japan - Ageo

Today, I was getting intimate with my husband, and I tried to do a swift position-change like they do in the movies. I wound up flipping off the bed and busting my nose open on the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 790

You deserved it 5 496

By Anonymous - 22/11/2014 18:18 - Ireland - Kilkenny

Today, I was having some rare good sex with my husband, when he suddenly said, "I'm fuckin' BORED," and pulled out so he could go play his video games. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 181

You deserved it 5 620

By Busted - 21/10/2009 21:25 - United States

Today, I was with my boyfriend, and things were getting pretty heated. Trying to be sexy, I told him that every time we touched was a guilty pleasure. He rolled off of me, and said "Oh, you're married too?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 204

You deserved it 4 277

rangerPat 12

Tuesday 5 March 2013 22:55

I'll take dick husbands for a thousand, Alex.

beehardxcore 26

Tuesday 5 March 2013 22:57

What is "how to effectively ****-block oneself?"

Comments

rangerPat 12

Tuesday 5 March 2013 22:55

I'll take dick husbands for a thousand, Alex.

kevsandy303 12

Tuesday 5 March 2013 23:00

"This man is known for rejecting sexual activity to watch gameshows." "What is... Morgan Freeman?" "Incorrect" "What is... OP's husband?" "Correct!"

MikeonFML 17

Tuesday 5 March 2013 23:26

Who is*

ry24 12

Wednesday 6 March 2013 7:22

#63 I think you are just stereotyping males all out to be sex driven animals now

BRLHP 24

Tuesday 5 March 2013 22:55

Tell him you want to play "double jeopardy"

upyourzlolz 11

Tuesday 5 March 2013 23:16

Or he scored the Daily Double.

chanellgymnast 17

Wednesday 6 March 2013 7:55

Your username says it all, "married an old man". Too cute!

kevsandy303 12

Tuesday 5 March 2013 22:55

He likes brains over beauty. I don't see the problem

EnterSandman_fml 20

Tuesday 5 March 2013 23:07

So do zombies.

ThePK 5

Wednesday 6 March 2013 0:48

Ironically enough, wives are generally considered the ones to push aside sexual advances.

beehardxcore 26

Tuesday 5 March 2013 22:57

What is "how to effectively ****-block oneself?"

Pretty_Pink_Lady 10

Tuesday 5 March 2013 22:58

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

Show it anyway

Mopmob02 18

Tuesday 5 March 2013 23:46

I kind of disagree, Jeopardy has its moments; plus Alex Trebek is a funny guy.

klutz44 28

Wednesday 6 March 2013 3:28

Next time DVR. Then you get sex and Jeopardy! Maybe your husband will be less whiney too.

Pleonasm 35

Tuesday 5 March 2013 23:00

What is a massive cockblock? Jeopardy!

HowieDoIt 21

Tuesday 5 March 2013 23:30

"Not now, trabek in a little while...Alex -plain later."

mmaflake 19

Wednesday 6 March 2013 0:25

I expect more from you pleo. Well done Howie

your_wife_sucks 3

Wednesday 6 March 2013 4:55

anyone notice the op's name lol

Bubbelz 25

Wednesday 6 March 2013 7:17

Yep, yep... Perhaps he fears a heart attack; having sex at a high age can be dangerous!

beddington 7

Tuesday 5 March 2013 23:01

I'm sorry, that answer is incorrect....must be made in the form of a question.

perdix 29

Tuesday 5 March 2013 23:01

What is "You need to find a boyfriend?" I'll take Impotent Potables for 200, Alex.

l23VIVE 17

Wednesday 6 March 2013 16:20

Turd Ferguson. See it's a funny name

Hamz1989 13

Tuesday 5 March 2013 23:02

What a saucy asshole. I guess it's time for no sex time-out.

lilhellian 26

Tuesday 5 March 2013 23:10

But she's also in time out.. Wouldn't it punish her even more?

beddington 7

Tuesday 5 March 2013 23:02

I'm sorry, that answer is incorrect....must be made in the form of a question.

Keywords

Cheating Love Relatable Work Money My ex Jealousy Accident Health Medication ADHD Snow Weather Miscellaneous Awkward Embarrassing Relationship advice Am I overreacting? Weird AITA Dating Sleep Annoying Parents Mental health Furniture Kids Gross Friends Public freakouts

The Top

Okaeri! I hope you had a great week out in the cold (most of our southern hemisphere friends don't know what they're missing). Personally, since I discovered this website I couldn't have been better. This week we're welcoming an atypical artist sinc...

I agree, your life sucks 9

You deserved it 11

Today, on my way home from watching a movie with a girl, I began having an erection because I thought I could kiss her goodnight. She dropped me off at home, and with my full blown erection, I walked in front of her car with the headlights on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 434

You deserved it 46 509

The Top

Today, my friend told me he had just robbed a bank and needed a place to hide. Thinking he was joking, I let him in so we could hang out. 15 minutes later, the cops storm into my apartment. Now I'm an accomplice in a crime I thought was a joke. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 782

You deserved it 17 569

Today, I discovered I have epilepsy. 10 years ago, I told my mother about my frequent fits of vertigo, deja vu, nausea, flashes of memory and strange sounds, smells, and images, coupled with an other-worldly feeling. I thought they were holy visions. So did she. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 476

You deserved it 20 789

Today, my fiancée "thought I should know" that she has a $125,000 student loan debt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 413

You deserved it 4 751

Today, my boyfriend and I stressed out preparing for our one week holiday. We packed for the whole day, said goodbye to everyone and arrived at the airport quite exhausted after a 45-minute train ride. Turns out our flight isn't until tomorrow. The check-in lady couldn't stop laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 071

You deserved it 16 299

Today, I asked my kids how much they loved me. My seven year-old responded, 'I'll love you forever mummy.' My sixteen year-old responded, 'Can you wind down the window, I just farted.' FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 217

You deserved it 13 818

Today, while studying for a big test at the library, some idiots started playing hide-and-seek. After putting up with their snorting and giggling for nearly an hour, I finally lost my shit and told them to knock it off. I then got kicked out for causing a disturbance. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 865

You deserved it 3 992

Same thing different taste

Denied

What are you doing?

Buzzing the tower

Top comments

Comments