Miscellaneous: Today, I decided to surprise my husband by bringing home a case... - FML

By Screwed - 07/08/2009 23:35 - Canada

Today, I decided to surprise my husband by bringing home a case of beer and renting us a porno. He decided to surprise me by telling me he was leaving me for his pregnant girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 208

You deserved it 4 345

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Same thing different taste

Hey how are you?

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, I came home early to surprise my wife. No, it's not what you're thinking: I didn't find her cheating on me. She wasn't even home, but my dad was. He'd used his spare key and was on my sofa, drinking my beer, and watching my TV. The first words out of his mouth? "Your beer's shit." FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 221

You deserved it 4 360

Great, I guess

By Anonymous - 14/12/2013 07:24 - Canada - Milton

Today, I told my boyfriend I was pregnant. He seemed thrilled, and went to buy some wine to celebrate. He left 11 hours ago and won't come back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 463

You deserved it 8 003

I'm surprised

By Anonymous - 29/02/2024 14:00 - United States - Washington

Today, I decided to surprise my boyfriend at his house. Apparently, I ruined the surprise party he'd planned for me, and now he’s upset with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 481

You deserved it 121

Surprise!

By Anonymous - 19/03/2023 16:00 - United Kingdom - Newcastle

Today, I wanted to surprise my boyfriend by showing up at his place unannounced with some take-out food. I got there just in time to see him leave his block of flats with another girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 090

You deserved it 115

By MyLife - 06/02/2013 08:04

Today, my husband decided to start seeing other people. I found out when I called and interrupted his date. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 586

You deserved it 2 632

By wow - 15/04/2013 18:36 - Russian Federation - Saint Petersburg

Today, my husband of 6 years said in a grave voice that he had some important news for me. Jokingly, I said, "Why, did you get that cute colleague of yours pregnant?" He did. FML

I agree, your life sucks 75 967

You deserved it 6 739

By lamortdeshommes - 28/06/2011 17:03 - United States

Today, I sent my boyfriend to the store to get groceries while I was at work. Instead of what I listed, he came back with hot pockets, ice cream and beer. I'm lactose intolerant and pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 948

You deserved it 8 309

By nnnaaazzz - 24/10/2009 12:20 - United Kingdom

Today, I decided to pay a suprise visit to my boyfriend's house. I let myself in, walked up to his bedroom and found him dancing around. In the dress I had left the other weekend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 358

You deserved it 6 228

Double whammy

By Anonymous - 28/02/2023 16:00 - Argentina

Today, my wife told me she wanted a divorce and walked out. This is two days after she informed me that she is unexpectedly pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 928

You deserved it 85

Receipe ideas

By Anonymous - 24/05/2022 16:00

Today, after I was surprised by my husband announcing he was coming off the drink and going to the gym to get in shape, I found out that I've been such a fool, as it turns out the pre-workout shakes he kept making contained about 5 shots of vodka, so he could drink at home without me moaning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 973

You deserved it 151

Next

Top comments

DameGreyWulf 0

Saturday 8 August 2009 9:30

God damn, that is just grade A bullshit right there. Well, at least you aren't the other woman. Just think; everyone knows she's a **** now, getting preggers from someone's HUSBAND. You on the other hand have one less asshole in your life.

Luckster 0

Saturday 8 August 2009 9:24

When you divorce him, squeeze every penny out of the bastard!

Comments

sheilatothemoon_ 0

Sunday 9 August 2009 8:26

how romantic.. ahaha, suckaah.

lolbulla 0

Sunday 9 August 2009 8:40

ydi for ****

lovelykendra5 0

Sunday 9 August 2009 10:05

Lovely night, I guess you'll be entertaining yourself .

debo123 0

Sunday 9 August 2009 10:21

Invite ME over ;)

ZiggyMorrison 0

Sunday 9 August 2009 14:53

Will you marry me? cause I cant imagine spending another moment in my life without you

lacedheadbands 0

Sunday 9 August 2009 15:51

even if they are a trashy couple that doesn't mean she doesn't have feelings for him. FYL that sucks. =/

Funky_T 0

Monday 10 August 2009 13:36

porno??? sounds like he doesnt turn u on.... y u with him?.....u sound like a trailer park couple

nomo_fml 0

Monday 10 August 2009 23:38

Not sure how people are calling her "trashy". I call her "AWESOME".

unhacked21 0

Wednesday 12 August 2009 1:08

i bet ur next FML will be "I wanted to suprise my husband by cleaning the trailer and giving all the kids their monthly baths"

Kosmic1989 0

Wednesday 12 August 2009 3:01

Beer, Porno...FHisLife he lost the perfect wife.

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The Top

Today, I'm so tired of life. I work 16 hour shifts. My fiancee takes me for granted and I mean that seriously, I have to work 16 hours, 5 days a week, come home, take care of the house and the kids, while I listen to her complain about her 40 hour week. No sex and I don't control my money. I hate my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 370

You deserved it 252

Today, my Facebook was hacked. The hacker messaged all my online friends, explaining that "I" was overseas, had run out of money and needed help. Not one person cared enough to respond. I guess the hacker picked the wrong target. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 397

You deserved it 5 121

The Top

Today, as an overprotective mother, I asked my 19 year-old son, who was going to spend his day on the beach, if he’d taken any protection with him. He pulled out a box of condoms, beaming with pride. I was talking about suntan lotion. FML

I agree, your life sucks 712

You deserved it 193

Today, I just came back from the vet. I spent a lot of money on a pet tortoise at the local pet store and it didn't come out of its shell when I bought it. The owner just said it sleeps in the day and it'll be shy for a week or so. Turns out it was dead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 569

You deserved it 9 489

Today, whilst in the last week of my notice period, I was instructed by my boss to tell six new employees that their jobs had fallen through before they'd even started. Later that afternoon, I received a call from my line manager. Guess whose own job has fallen through too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 246

You deserved it 2 195

Today, as I was putting groceries away, I went to open my freezer door which randomly gets stuck by giving it a good tug, and a frozen hamburger fell on my right foot. My right foot, which is currently healing from a sprain I got a couple days ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 189

You deserved it 200

Today, I got ready for work half-asleep, grabbed my coffee, and walked out the door. It wasn’t until I was in the elevator that I realized I was also holding the TV remote instead of my phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 306

You deserved it 179

Today, my daughter was feeling sick. She threw up on the floor. As I was cleaning up her vomit, she threw up on my head. Twice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 434

You deserved it 4 439