Health: Today, I drew a face on a balloon and pretended to make out with... - FML

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By jazthefish - 12/07/2010 19:42 - United States

Today, I drew a face on a balloon and pretended to make out with it. The balloon popped and shot to the back of my throat, where it got caught. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 809

You deserved it 71 743

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Same thing different taste

By ven980 - 01/06/2011 21:21 - United States

Today, I had to blow up an air mattress using only my lungs. After nearly passing out from lack of oxygen, I realized there was a hole in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 851

You deserved it 29 526

By Jared - 25/02/2012 19:09 - United States

Today, I got so bored that I drew a face on my index finger, and made a video of me garrotting it with a string. I ended up rupturing a blood vessel, and had to think up a cover story for my girlfriend to explain my screaming. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 016

You deserved it 30 883

Classy

By pist off - 05/03/2018 19:00

Today, I felt rain on my face. I looked up and saw a man peeing out of a hot air balloon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 033

You deserved it 313

By E or - 13/07/2010 13:41 - United States

Today, I flew a toy airplane into my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 894

You deserved it 40 221

By Anonymous - 18/02/2013 19:11 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I was about to make out with my boyfriend, so I quickly swallowed my gum. Moments later, I started choking on the gum, and ended up spitting it out into his face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 095

You deserved it 40 048

By doggybag - 24/09/2009 05:17 - Canada

Today, I was walking my dogs. I had a doggy bag, and was holding it closed, then breathing in it, so it would blow up. My dogs 'went', so I picked it up and kept walking. As I was heading home, I absent-mindedly started blowing into the bag again. Everything ended up in my mouth and on my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 779

You deserved it 80 950

No good deed, etc.

By Paul - 30/11/2024 14:00 - United States

Today, I saw a little kid struggling with a balloon, so I tried to help tie it for her. It popped in my hands, and she started crying. Then her mom came running up, yelling, "What did you do to my daughter?" I had to run away while saying sorry. FML

I agree, your life sucks 356

You deserved it 143

Cool moves

By littlegirl - 07/05/2011 04:46 - Canada

Today, I was sitting with my crush at lunch. Trying to flirt, I tried to stare seductively into his eyes while sucking on my straw. I missed. The straw shot straight up my nose, causing me the worst nose bleed of my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 587

You deserved it 45 368

By Anonymous - 13/03/2011 22:26 - United States

Today, in an attempt to impress a girl I like, I tried to crush a soda can by hitting it with my forehead. Not only did I fail, I knocked myself out in the process. When I regained consciousness, the girl was gone and someone had taken the liberty of drawing a penis on my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 764

You deserved it 73 913

Protein source

By Anonymous - 13/08/2021 17:01 - United States - Chicago

Today, a gnat hit my forehead, fell into the space between my glasses and my face, and bounced off my eye while trying desperately to escape. When I tried to get my glasses off, it fell into my mask instead, and I accidentally inhaled it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 905

You deserved it 157

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Top comments

barbarajean 0

Monday 12 July 2010 23:23

Thats what you get for makin out with balloon boy. Damn pedo.

Hannalea_fml 0

Monday 12 July 2010 23:23

Someone needs a life.

Comments

IpenguinFace 0

Tuesday 13 July 2010 8:57

You fail at life and you're not very bright, are you?

veilinne 0

Tuesday 13 July 2010 9:05

Oh Sweetheart ... That's just so very sad, on so very man levels.

AnarchyLlama 0

Tuesday 13 July 2010 9:07

So not only did u pretend make out with it... But it oraly raped you? Lol that's kinda kinky to **** a balloon...

leg1tshtick 4

Tuesday 13 July 2010 9:08

Balloons have two main purposes in their lives; to be blown, and sooner or later popped. Make out? Well you skipped a step before it popped ; )

meneedlove 0

Tuesday 13 July 2010 9:18

lololol pathetic.

oxaviero 0

Tuesday 13 July 2010 9:50

the ballon decided to kill itself at how ugle op was =pp just kidding kiddo

JesseJaymz 0

Tuesday 13 July 2010 10:06

really?? I bet u coulda posted, I wanna make out with someone and half the people on FML woulda jumped ur bones, especially the ones that have faries or quotes as their pictures. well at least u aren't a skeezuh?

dingo353 0

Tuesday 13 July 2010 11:02

And then you died-right?

IcedTeaLover 0

Tuesday 13 July 2010 12:51

AHAHHAHA YOUR REALLY IN NEED!

reddwarf_fml 0

Tuesday 13 July 2010 13:54

ok really sad on a multitude of levels

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The Top

Today, I learnt that the people I work with dislike me so much that they have a competition to see who can accidentally hurt me the most. How did I find out? A chef poured boiling water over my hands, and another shouted "50 POINTS!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 452

You deserved it 6 737

Today, I rubbed my heel raw with a new shoe, so I put a bandaid on and went to the pool. A few minutes later, I noticed the bandaid floating close to me. I'm not an ass so I quickly fished it out and put in the pocket of my swimming trunks. Later, I went to shower and noticed that my bandaid was still on my heel. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 246

You deserved it 191

The Top

Today, I went to the hospital for severe abdominal pain and nausea. I sat in the waiting room for six hours, just to be told, “We don’t know what’s wrong with you. Try taking Gravol and Tylenol and maybe lay off the fatty foods.” I feel like shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 392

You deserved it 105

Today, my school put on a musical. I was one of the leads, and in the middle of my solo, I got a huge nosebleed. A little girl in the front row screamed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 848

You deserved it 2 738

Today, more than fifteen years of marriage and sex at least once a week has given my otherwise lovely husband the stamina to last a minute and a half. We've cum together less than five times. FML

I agree, your life sucks 800

You deserved it 283

Today, my mom thought I was flying high on weed and nearly grounded me for it. I wasn't high, I was just actually in a good mood for the first time in a few weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 143

You deserved it 2 324

Today, I noticed I had a dead gnat stuck on my chin. This was after an hour-long appointment with a good looking doctor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 692

You deserved it 201

Today, I decided to pop the question to my beloved. Perfect lighting, fresh cut roses, a fancy dinner. The restaurant was in on it too. Shame they brought out the wedding-themed congratulations dessert before I actually went down on my knee. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 928

You deserved it 1 293