Intimacy: Today, I found the list my wife made of the things she was going...

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By fmylifebigtime - 25/02/2012 14:35 - United States

Today, I found the list my wife made of the things she was going to give up for Lent. The first one was "Sex with other men". FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 611

You deserved it 3 490

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Same thing different taste

By guest - 01/04/2011 21:33 - United States

Today, my wife decided that to help her stop smoking, she's also giving up the things that make her crave a cigarette. Sex is one of them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 159

You deserved it 6 677

By ohno - 25/03/2012 13:11 - United States - East Stroudsburg

Today, I found out that when my girlfriend said she gave up sex for lent, it was just with me and not my brother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 766

You deserved it 2 970

Humblebrag

By Anonymous - 05/11/2024 19:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my wife is upset because at a party we took part in an X-rated 'Never Have I Ever', which exposed how filthy I was with past girlfriends, and how boring our sex life is. I’d done almost everything, while she, who’s only ever been with me, had only done 5 things off the list of about 40. FML

I agree, your life sucks 362

You deserved it 299

Tempted?

By Anonymous - 23/10/2023 00:02

Today, I found out that my prude wife, who has given up on anything remotely sexually exciting, has been researching swinger clubs. I found out when she “accidentally” texted me a Vice article on the subject. FML

I agree, your life sucks 552

You deserved it 159

Planning

By stargate25 - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - Denver

Today, my wife sent me a Google Calendar reminder for "sex". FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 303

You deserved it 11 991

Permission granted and rejected

By Anonymous - 28/09/2023 04:00

Today, my wife lost interest in sex a long time ago. I’ve tried to reignite her interest lately, which culminated in an argument where she gave me permission to go out and shag other women. We might as well divorce at this point if she’s going to say things like that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 690

You deserved it 134

By Anonymous - 15/06/2014 19:22 - United Kingdom

Today, I found out that my wife has had more sex in the last two months than I have in our last year of marriage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 67 134

You deserved it 6 387

By unlucky_vee_13 - 23/02/2009 22:02 - United States

Today, I was talking to my 81-year-old widowed grandmother on the phone, and she told me she was giving up sex for lent. Not only do I now have a vision of my grandma having sex, I am reminded that she is having more sex than me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 72 249

You deserved it 5 064

Was it worth it?

By Anonymous - 20/05/2025 21:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my wife has been super into sex lately, she even let me try some of the stuff she said no to before, and even surprised me with some of the kinky stuff she’s always wanted to try. Sounds great, right? Nope. Turns out she was overcompensating from the guilt of also fucking my coworker. FML

I agree, your life sucks 351

You deserved it 75

By seeminglyunsexy - 14/08/2009 15:53 - United States

Today, my wife decided she didn't want to lose weight with me. We were trying to decide on a reward for each pound lost. I suggested sex as the reward. She felt it wasn't fair to punish her just because I lost weight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 857

You deserved it 8 011

marthagayo 14

Saturday 25 February 2012 19:29

Well, you should give up monogamy!!

AmethystRain 20

Saturday 25 February 2012 19:32

Leave a list laying around for her to find, and make the first item: "marriage".

Comments

momo1972 3

Sunday 26 February 2012 19:41

Not to time to give up antibiotics

trevino180 4

Sunday 26 February 2012 22:32

Well u can give up not cheating on your wife

Leadamp 7

Sunday 26 February 2012 23:20

You must be so proud of her.

peaches2793 0

Monday 27 February 2012 4:46

Woah... Make a list like that too and show her how it feels :p

dapoet83 0

Monday 27 February 2012 6:47

Wow

MeB4u 0

Monday 27 February 2012 14:48

Can't turn a hoe into a housewife, hoes don't act right.

pfclunchbox005 1

Tuesday 28 February 2012 0:16

Go have sex with all the girls you want now. Clear your bank accounts. Put things in your name. An leve that bitch

76transam 0

Tuesday 28 February 2012 2:12

You should tell her "Honey i think we should see other vag... People!"

mssgee21 2

Tuesday 28 February 2012 2:17

i bet he didn't dump her either

user12345678901 0

Tuesday 28 February 2012 2:39

Give her up for lent.

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The Top

Today, my boyfriend asked me for sex and when I said no, he asked me to leave. When I demanded to know why, he told me I had reached his limit: if I denied him sex for longer than 6 weeks in a row then clearly I’m not interested in an adult relationship, and need to get the hell out. Asshole. FML

I agree, your life sucks 129

You deserved it 621

Today, my girlfriend reached into my pocket to get my keys so she could get something out of my car. When she yanked them out, the condom that we'd just used flew up into the air and landed on the floor in front of her entire family. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 896

You deserved it 61 150

The Top

Today, my mother gave me an early Christmas present; a Bissell mop so I can "do a better job" when I "clean her floors". FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 028

You deserved it 3 970

Today, my mother got heartburn. She claimed she only gets heartburn when she is near a pregnant woman. She threatened to kick me out of the house if I didn't take a pregnancy test, despite there being no way I was pregnant. Turns out, I am pregnant, and my mother's ego has never been bigger. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 591

You deserved it 9 929

Today, before I washed my husband’s stinky work jacket, I made sure to check the pockets. What I didn’t realise was that there was another pocket which had two USB sticks with all of his students’ work on them. The guilt trip has been going on for hours, and I’m 39 weeks pregnant, stressed out of my mind. FML

I agree, your life sucks 543

You deserved it 217

Today, I was fooling around with my partner after his shower. He moved my hands up to push me against the wall. Instead of hitting the wall, my hands hit the shower rod. It fell on my face and I got a bloody nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 522

You deserved it 215

Today, I injured myself in the geekiest way possible; I managed to crush my nipple while closing my laptop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 386

You deserved it 72

Today, as I was getting ready to go to class, I accidentally stepped in dog poop. I was in a hurry, so I scraped it off as best as I could. When I go to class, I noticed it smelled. The girl behind me noticed and said, "Mmmmm, smells like food in here." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 042

You deserved it 126