Intimacy: Today, I found the list my wife made of the things she was going... - FML

FML for mobile
Free

Open in app

By fmylifebigtime - 25/02/2012 14:35 - United States

Spicy

Today, I found the list my wife made of the things she was going to give up for Lent. The first one was "Sex with other men". FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 611

You deserved it 3 490

Father's Day: Daddy Chicken or Daddy Wet Hen?
Stories of extraordinary fathers, sometimes awkward but always hilarious. A family read! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

By guest - 01/04/2011 21:33 - United States

Spicy

Today, my wife decided that to help her stop smoking, she's also giving up the things that make her crave a cigarette. Sex is one of them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 159

You deserved it 6 677

By ohno - 25/03/2012 13:11 - United States - East Stroudsburg

Spicy

Today, I found out that when my girlfriend said she gave up sex for lent, it was just with me and not my brother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 766

You deserved it 2 970

Humblebrag

By Anonymous - 05/11/2024 19:00 - United Kingdom

Spicy

Today, my wife is upset because at a party we took part in an X-rated 'Never Have I Ever', which exposed how filthy I was with past girlfriends, and how boring our sex life is. I’d done almost everything, while she, who’s only ever been with me, had only done 5 things off the list of about 40. FML

I agree, your life sucks 362

You deserved it 299

Tempted?

By Anonymous - 23/10/2023 00:02

Spicy

Today, I found out that my prude wife, who has given up on anything remotely sexually exciting, has been researching swinger clubs. I found out when she “accidentally” texted me a Vice article on the subject. FML

I agree, your life sucks 552

You deserved it 159

Planning

By stargate25 - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - Denver

Spicy

Today, my wife sent me a Google Calendar reminder for "sex". FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 303

You deserved it 11 991

Permission granted and rejected

By Anonymous - 28/09/2023 04:00

Spicy

Today, my wife lost interest in sex a long time ago. I’ve tried to reignite her interest lately, which culminated in an argument where she gave me permission to go out and shag other women. We might as well divorce at this point if she’s going to say things like that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 690

You deserved it 134

By Anonymous - 15/06/2014 19:22 - United Kingdom

Spicy

Today, I found out that my wife has had more sex in the last two months than I have in our last year of marriage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 67 134

You deserved it 6 387

By unlucky_vee_13 - 23/02/2009 22:02 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was talking to my 81-year-old widowed grandmother on the phone, and she told me she was giving up sex for lent. Not only do I now have a vision of my grandma having sex, I am reminded that she is having more sex than me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 72 249

You deserved it 5 064

Was it worth it?

By Anonymous - 20/05/2025 21:00 - United Kingdom

Spicy

Today, my wife has been super into sex lately, she even let me try some of the stuff she said no to before, and even surprised me with some of the kinky stuff she’s always wanted to try. Sounds great, right? Nope. Turns out she was overcompensating from the guilt of also fucking my coworker. FML

I agree, your life sucks 350

You deserved it 75

By seeminglyunsexy - 14/08/2009 15:53 - United States

Spicy

Today, my wife decided she didn't want to lose weight with me. We were trying to decide on a reward for each pound lost. I suggested sex as the reward. She felt it wasn't fair to punish her just because I lost weight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 857

You deserved it 8 011

Next

Top comments

marthagayo 14

Saturday 25 February 2012 19:29

Well, you should give up monogamy!!

AmethystRain 20

Saturday 25 February 2012 19:32

Leave a list laying around for her to find, and make the first item: "marriage".

Comments

bluewailer 4

Sunday 26 February 2012 0:56

I wish she would have told me first.

mellowmo0d88 8

Sunday 26 February 2012 1:18

How about you give up your ***** wife for Lent?

Devin91 20

Sunday 26 February 2012 1:23

Ouch, spice shit up in the bedroom.

Devin91 20

Sunday 26 February 2012 1:24

Ouch, spice shit up in the bedroom.

sandnsun 7

Sunday 26 February 2012 15:23

Yes idiot, because the whole reason she is cheating on him is because he is boring in the bedroom... I'm sure you have your game up considering you have no problem showing off your torso. But I would sleep with or date a geeky looking goofball long before I'd ever come anywhere near you. Also most guys who think they rock it in bed and are players SUCK at what they do...hope your lays aren't lying to you. Just saying...

teamsleep221222 0

Sunday 26 February 2012 1:44

O shit

sunflower226 0

Sunday 26 February 2012 1:49

you should give up being married to a bitch. lol

Webslinger66 10

Sunday 26 February 2012 2:04

Divorce

ncktyu 0

Sunday 26 February 2012 2:20

Good Job woman

HannahWho 8

Sunday 26 February 2012 2:39

I would touch that snatch with a ten foot pole if she is truly cheating. If not, your wife is hilarious.

Genoc123 5

Sunday 26 February 2012 4:14

Oh ya could be a joke

dimitrioo 0

Sunday 26 February 2012 4:27

Hey bro I'm really sorry that happened to you! I've had a similar situation happen many many years ago, found a text on my GF phone... What a ******* bitch!! All u can think is "I would have never thought this could happen to me, and how could she do this to me"!!! People are so ******* horrible!!!!

4
5
6
7
8
9
10
11

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Animals Cats My ex Transportation Awkward Vacation Family Annoying Health Work Accident Love Kids Babysitter Technology Dating Embarrassing Geek Poopoo peepee Proposal Autism Food Jealousy Frustration Sex Growing old Scary Gross Weird Cars

The Top

Today, I was told by Amazon that a belt I had ordered was arriving. I grabbed an Amazon package out of the mailbox without even checking who the package was addressed to. I now have an awkward apology ahead of me for opening my stepbrother's box of condoms. FML

I agree, your life sucks 621

You deserved it 1 689

Today, I was in line at a checkout. I have quite a few facial piercings and 1/2" gauges in my ears. The very heavy cashier asks how big my gauges are and then starts telling me about how she recently got her clitoris pierced and how sometimes she has orgasms behind the register. FML

I agree, your life sucks 74 216

You deserved it 13 721

The Top

Today, I found my 6-year-old daughter recording herself on her little tape recorder. When I asked her what she was up to, she replied in her cute little voice, "I'm recording myself so you'll have a souvenir when I'm dead." FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 448

You deserved it 1 629

Today, I realized I need to start hitting the gym, when my boyfriend actually utilized my love handles during sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 759

You deserved it 11 607

Today, the guy I was on a date with jokingly challenged me to an arm wrestle. I won. He left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 943

You deserved it 7 757

Today, I went on my first date in months. It was going well until the waiter brought our drinks. I went to take a sip of my cocktail, but I misjudged the size of the glass and the stupid paper straw, and spilled it all over myself. The waiter said, “Well, at least it’s not a first date curse,” and I replied, “Oh, it definitely is.” It was, because I doubt I'll be seeing her again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 318

You deserved it 140

Today, I had an excellent conversation with this guy I met on a gay dating site. We really hit it off well and had a lot in common. We got to the point where he asked me for my picture. I showed it to him and he stopped responding. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 567

You deserved it 15 894

Today, in an attempt to win a political argument, I recorded myself walking into a gun store and asking which gun would be best to hypothetically deal with my neighbor's annoying kids. I now have a recording of myself being chewed out, banned for life, and perp-walked out the door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 106

You deserved it 2 123