Intimacy: Today, I gave my boyfriend a blowjob for the first time. He came....

By snortingspunk - 03/12/2015 12:52 - South Africa

Today, I gave my boyfriend a blowjob for the first time. He came. A lot. I doubt I'll remember it as anything other than, "The day I found out what sneezing semen feels like." FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 461

You deserved it 4 135

The rhythm of the fight
Discover all the best anecdotes from the month of January, with or without snow, with or without you. More…

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Same thing different taste

Do it again

By thornrose22 - 01/11/2009 00:22 - United States

Today, my boyfriend went down on me for the first time. After about five minutes, he sneezes violently on me. I don't know what's worse, him getting snot all over my intimate bits or the fact that the sneeze felt better then what he was doing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 234

You deserved it 3 202

Bad timing

By Proprepourtant - 16/04/2011 11:28 - France

Today, I gave my boyfriend a blowjob for the first time. This is the moment he chooses to exclaim, "Wow, you really do have a lot of dandruff!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 953

You deserved it 12 579

By sneezeattack - 14/05/2012 05:27 - United States - Aurora

Today, my boyfriend got so happy when he thought he'd finally given me an orgasm. I was covering an urge to sneeze. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 027

You deserved it 4 319

By Anonymous - 08/07/2012 11:26 - Australia

Today, I witnessed my boyfriend sneeze in his hands, and then lick it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 115

You deserved it 3 501

That'll do it

By Zippyzoo - 03/02/2009 22:16 - United States

Today, when my boyfriend was about to orgasm, I suddenly sneezed all over his face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 351

You deserved it 9 136

No nut will do that

By Anonymous - 02/05/2023 00:00

Today, my boyfriend wanted a blowjob, shortly after we've started dating. He said to be careful because he blows a massive load. Thinking he's full of crap, I rolled my eyes and got to work. Had him going and then a massive load shot down my throat and a bunch of fire hoses sprayed out my nose. It burned so bad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 429

You deserved it 1 345

Our anniversary

By Anonymous - 27/12/2019 20:00

Today, my boyfriend actually remembered our anniversary. Not our anniversary of being together, which he forgot last month, but the anniversary of him getting his first blowjob from me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 501

You deserved it 509

By valerie - 28/05/2011 01:04 - United States

Today, I was giving my boyfriend a handjob for the first time. It took ages for him to get excited, and in the end the only thing that blew up was him, saying, "Oh my god, just stop it already." FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 045

You deserved it 18 791

New Romantics

By sallyfradoodle - 13/03/2020 21:00

Today, I told my boyfriend of two years that he was my first kiss. His reply? I was the first person he ever whacked off to. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 600

You deserved it 444

Close but no BJ

By nikkrissa_04 - 07/08/2009 11:17 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were messing around in his car. I then decided I was going to give him a blowjob for the first time. As I was going down, he grabbed my chin and said, "Don't do that, your mouth isn't clean enough." FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 677

You deserved it 12 202

ComoEsJuan 24

Thursday 3 December 2015 18:25

That's snot good.

UnidentifiedFun 37

Thursday 3 December 2015 18:29

Upon reading this FML I think I cringed harder than I ever have in my entire life. Fyl

Comments

viniurquiza 15

Friday 4 December 2015 5:41

you suck more than your life ?

zyero 9

Friday 4 December 2015 6:37

Some of us have a lot of semen to give :D

Captain_Debilos_fml 13

Friday 4 December 2015 13:46

maybe he peed a bit too

Death69 24

Sunday 6 December 2015 6:38

I may have seen this video on YouPorn...

mccrightp 29

Sunday 6 December 2015 17:49

You showed a lot of spunk by sharing that!

SaturnCheese 5

Sunday 6 December 2015 20:59

Well... At least now you know you're good at ********!

braysdada24 4

Wednesday 9 December 2015 4:45

Well then...... bless you lol

Whydoyouask 11

Wednesday 9 December 2015 9:29

That sounds ******* amazing! Not gonna lie I'm a bit jealous of your bf

fml510605 16

Tuesday 15 December 2015 22:12

Swallow that shit *****

AssassinBall 12

Sunday 27 December 2015 5:07

That blows.

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The Top

Today, I yelled at my little brother for leaving the toilet seat up and told him he needed to go around the house and make sure they were all down. I went to the bathroom later to find that the toilet seats and covers from every toilet had all been removed and were sitting on my bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 997

You deserved it 68 601

Today, my friend got a babysitter for the kids and told me she was taking me to a party. My son told me his band was playing at a party. I will be 40 tomorrow, so I thought this would be the best surprise birthday party ever. It WAS a surprise birthday party – for a friend of ours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 091

You deserved it 3 533

The Top

Today, the office I clean as a janitor left some candies with a note saying, "Take as many as you like." I was flattered and felt like I was finally being recognized for my years of hard work. Later, I found the same candy with a single bite taken out of it in the trash, along with the rest they'd spat out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 895

You deserved it 128

Today, I just got done being yelled at by my son's headteacher and a bunch of parents, all because my 6 year-old son has been arranging kiss dates between his classmates in exchange for sweets and so on. My little pimp in training. Not a proud dad moment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 828

You deserved it 199

Today, I thought it was yesterday, I went to school for nothing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 453

You deserved it 75 152

Today, I had a "nightmare" where I found out I had more homework than I originally realized, and spent the entire dream doing homework. There is no escape. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 548

You deserved it 203

Today, I attended the funeral of a close friend. Most of the other guests were openly grinning and joking around, and the guy in front of me kept muttering, "That's what she said!" during the eulogy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 044

You deserved it 3 188

Today, after years of restless sleep in a noisy city, I finally moved to a very quiet place. So quiet that I realized I have tinnitus. I need to play background noise to cover it, so I can manage to get some sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 929

You deserved it 102