Animals: Today, I gave my wife a cat. The first thing it did when it got... - FML

By prevostsrocklike - 11/05/2009 12:38 - United States

Today, I gave my wife a cat. The first thing it did when it got out of the box was scratch the sh*t out of my leg. Next, it ran up to my wife and purred. She said, "Good cat." FML

I agree, your life sucks 531

You deserved it 83

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Top comments

NorfolkDude 2

Monday 11 May 2009 20:36

That cat was all like, "Don't ever put me in a box again, ****er." Then it ran up to your wife's leg and was all like, "Pet me, *****." Then it was looking at you and was like, "Yeah, ***hole, what now?" Are you going to take that kind of abuse? I guess so.

justdance45 0

Monday 11 May 2009 20:34

LOL such a loving wife. FYL

Comments

wildman4000 1

Thursday 14 May 2009 0:24

sounds like my cat, **** cats

Tickle_Me_Kiki 0

Friday 15 May 2009 4:31

Maybe you shouldn't put cats in boxes... they are known quite well for being bitchy animals.

gothymama 0

Friday 15 May 2009 6:43

LMAO! Cats can be total bitches! Get it declawed!

rubysasani 0

Saturday 23 May 2009 2:38

Sorry.. XD I couldn't help but laugh.. I'm still laughing as I type this.. xD

zamboiv 0

Wednesday 3 June 2009 3:45

I would probably do what your wife did just as a joke

spade_fml 0

Thursday 4 June 2009 21:49

Why do you even say sh*t? Are you afraid you mommy is gonna find out you said shit you dickwad

Asscake 0

Sunday 26 September 2010 3:23

There's nothing wrong with censoring a word. Besides, maybe he thought that it wouldn't be accepted if it had a curse word in it. You're probably one of those stupid kids that think it's cool to curse just because mommy doesn't like it.

AsAlwaysAndrew 0

Sunday 23 August 2009 5:30

See, Now you have to crazy Moody women in your life, Or two pussys in your life that want nothing to do with you. Either way. (:

Kupokupupo 0

Wednesday 26 August 2009 12:46

Your wife is the new james bond villian!

Kupokupupo 0

Wednesday 26 August 2009 12:50

.

tencentsakiss 19

Sunday 2 May 2010 18:03

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The Top

Today, I visited the best cafe for the fourth time in a week. I’ve tried not to flirt with the same (hot) barista, I even mentioned my partner, but we chat and joke every time, and get on well. After I said bye and left, I heard a hasty, “Love you, bye.” It's maybe a joke, but he’s a total catch, and I don't know if I can go back there now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 92

You deserved it 444

Today, I went into work. After three years of working 55 hours a week, they fired me by putting the contents of my locker at the front door, with a note that said "If not picked up by 10:00 am stuff will be donated." I work the night shift. I just lost three sweaters, two pairs of shoes, $60, and my job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 550

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The Top

Today, I'm a barista at Starbucks. When my crush walked in and asked how much his coffee would cost, I said a date. He said he'd rather pay for the coffee. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 097

You deserved it 6 119

Today, I donated money to a gaming streamer I like(d) who's been struggling. He later yelled at me and timed me out for "derailing the stream" with "dumb" questions. Then I found out a troll community that follows him doxxed me, and people are dunking on me and calling me "retarded" on social media for donating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 931

You deserved it 404

Today, during a silent breathing meditation at the Buddhist center, I accidentally let one rip which echoed through the meditation chamber. If that wasn't bad enough, the follow-up odor was enough to fell a charging rhinoceros. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 546

You deserved it 8 101

Today, I was about to make a left turn. In the turn lane a little old lady was waiting for the light to change. On the back of her car was a bumper sticker that said, "Honk if you love Jesus!" I gave her a honk and waved. She leaned out and yelled, "The light's red, asshole." FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 123

You deserved it 15 093

Today, I woke up at 4 a.m. to study and do homework, then worked for 8 hours, then went to the gym, and finally went home to study even more. Then I realized I'll never make as much money or be as cool as a YouTube celebrity. FML

I agree, your life sucks 895

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Today, I had to go to my 10 year-old son's school to talk about my job being a chef. As I was almost finished, I asked the kids "What would you like to do when you grow up?" Without hesitation one kid replied with a straight face, "Anything but being a douchebag like you." FML

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You deserved it 6 059