He is a coward.

I'm pretty sure OP wants to date people, not fish, though.

but what about a lobster? a tall, dark, handsome lobster? mmm lobster…

There's no more fish left. Zero.

But, I don't want just ANY fish, I want your fish! ( °-°) *slowly drags fish off your plate*

Lets just hope op is better than I am at fishing

Why not zoidberg?

Cruel

Maybe I'm wrong, but maybe he thought that the breakup may cause physical fighting? That's just a guess though.

IDK to me it just seems like he was too much of a coward to say it to her face.

That's exactly what I was thinking #3. This really doesn't seem like something a guidance counselor would be involved with. Either way you're better of OP if he didn't have the balls to be honest with you himself I doubt he would be man enough in anything else.

Off*

I agree with 23, I think the only way a guidance counsellor would do this is if they thought that the girlfriend was violent or obsessive and crazy and thought she would react in a harmful way. The counsellor would have to think it was in the students best interest. Chances are the boyfriend made it sound like Op was violent or crazy or something. He sounds like a coward and like he used/played the guidance counsellor.

You're an idiot

How do you row a douchecanoe? I'm intrigued.

You row with swag

I need to use this word often!

Great word!! another I though of was jabroni

I'm gonna say that for now on thanks for the New word!

And can you donut while eating a douchewaffle?

rowing up asshole river

The douchecanoe sags low into the river as it swags it's way into port. The douchecanoe can hold up too five douchebags with all their gear which includes: one uniform from a low end job meant for teenagers, between seven or eight snapbacks, a pair of shoes that costs more than they have ever spent on soap, and last but not least, one or more tweets making a girl that rejected or left them feel terrible about themselves. The capacity of a douchecanoe may also be limited to one Justin Bieber, since he is the king of douchbags, it is only standard that he be given his own personal douchecanoe, so that he may swag swiftly up and down rivers and let everyone know that he is in fact a douchebag. I hope you all enjoyed this educational public service announcement.

delivered again

This is the real reason people should read FML. Awesome words like that. Just made my week.

83, that definition definitely needs to be implemented into the Merriam-Webster Dictionary under "Douchecanoe: /dü•sh•kã•nōō/"

TL; DR

what exactly is awesome here? him being a pansy is not awesome.

What does op mean?

IMO your goal shouldn't be to break up with someone in a "creative" (more like cowardly in this case) way, you should do it in an up front and honest way. And you should do it yourself.

He said he could not figure out a way to break up with her.

He shouldn't be with a woman not woman enough to break down and cry.