Miscellaneous: Today, I had to bail my drunk dad out of jail after he beat the... - FML

By ~__~ - 20/03/2015 21:23

Today, I had to bail my drunk dad out of jail after he beat the shit out of a mime artist. All he had to say on the matter was "Fucking bastard was playing mind games." and that he'd beat him up again if he could. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 660

You deserved it 2 463

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Same thing different taste

By Taylor Easley - 17/03/2012 04:53 - United States

Today, my mom was put in jail for beating the shit out of my dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 196

You deserved it 3 154

Thanks bossman

By Anonymous - 11/10/2013 16:43 - United States - Logan

Today, I finally decided to stand up for myself and quit my crappy job working for my abusive father. I gave him a few insults too, to which he reacted by calling the police and claiming I'd threatened to murder him. I spent three hours in jail before they finally let me go. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 689

You deserved it 3 921

By Sadfaic - 23/01/2012 02:59 - United States

Today, my long lost father came to visit me. He got drunk, then tried to beat me up. My neighbor called the police, and as soon as they got there, my father yelled, "Help! This man tried to stab me!" The sad part is, they believed him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 644

You deserved it 2 151

Sneaky

By Anonymous - 15/06/2023 10:00

Today, I caught my dad stealing my money again, after I'd warned him he was on his last chance. I threw him out, since he’s been sleeping rough on my sofa. He reported me to the authorities for "elder abuse" and showed them fresh bruises I know the conniving old bastard gave himself. I was handcuffed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 970

You deserved it 95

By bellaskyeb - 08/01/2012 17:42 - United States

Today, I had to bail my drunk husband out of jail after he and his best friend tried to steal a police horse from an officer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 275

You deserved it 4 253

By No one special. - 12/12/2010 05:28 - United States

Today, my dad called for the first time in six months. He needs someone to bail him out of jail. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 499

You deserved it 2 433

Well done

By Anonymous - 17/10/2015 11:41 - United States - Mechanicsville

Today, I had to bail my son out of jail, because he's a wimp and wouldn't last a night in there. His crime: pissing through the open windows of passing cars after losing a bet with his friends. I feel like if he gave me grandkids, they'd be born with half a brain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 320

You deserved it 4 295

Anger management

By FML - 08/12/2013 18:00 - Puerto Rico - Cayey

Today, my dad came home drunk off his ass. So drunk that he couldn't manage to open the refrigerator, and ended up punching it in a fit of rage. When I tried to calm him down and get him to bed, he told me to fuck off, and grounded me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 664

You deserved it 3 397

He's a good man

By no booze, no boyfriend - 04/06/2013 20:31 - United States

Today, my now ex-boyfriend called me from jail, expecting me to bail him out. He'd tried to buy a load of booze at the liquor store and came up short by ten cents. The cashier refused to be short-changed, and he figured the only reasonable reaction was to punch her in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 142

You deserved it 4 663

Jailbird

By blondebarbie271 - 26/07/2015 23:55 - United States - Center Barnstead

Today, I had to bail my ex-husband out of jail. He didn't want his new wife to get mad at him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 348

You deserved it 14 502

Next

Top comments

Codezlol 21

Saturday 21 March 2015 8:42

Your dad needs to mime his own business

michaelaranda 28

Saturday 21 March 2015 8:31

Sorry about all the trouble op. Hopefully your dad will pay you back the bail and will be appreciative for your help. Everyone makes mistakes when theyre drunk. Not an excuse or justification.

Comments

shinikageWolf 15

Saturday 21 March 2015 16:28

Did the mime cry out for help or was he committed to the art and remained silent?

amileah13 26

Saturday 21 March 2015 18:38

I think it's time your dad gets help. Yikes

TheGatekeeper43 8

Saturday 21 March 2015 18:58

Honestly You just should of let him sit in jail if he has that attitude

MissBoo111 21

Saturday 21 March 2015 19:02

Next time leave him there overnight or until he sobers up. That's the only way he will learn. Sucks for you OP

sassy2085 16

Saturday 21 March 2015 22:55

That's gold.

Ray_of_midnight 22

Sunday 22 March 2015 1:21

So, your dad whacked a mime with an olive loaf?

denden_mushi 11

Sunday 22 March 2015 1:34

Your dad is on to something. If you're trapped inside a box, where is the rope you're pulling going and where did you get it in the first place???

phreaker913 21

Sunday 22 March 2015 2:51

a mime is a terrible thing to waste

wvcheesehead 13

Sunday 22 March 2015 4:24

Actually I think the father was wasted.

rustyburrito 10

Sunday 22 March 2015 5:18

no, he was playing "mime games"

CandyApple88 13

Sunday 22 March 2015 6:00

should have left him in the tank overnight to sober up.

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The Top

Today, I was sitting on the chair-lift on a ski trip. There was a shift in gears and the metal in the seat began to vibrate. My dad, sister, and step-mom were all on the lift with me, not feeling a thing. It's terribly awkward to converse with your family while you involuntarily orgasm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 329

You deserved it 6 125

Today, my boyfriend started to suck on my boob, which I quite enjoy, until he said he was breastfeeding and called me "Mummy". I don't think I can ever let his mouth near my boobs ever again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 029

You deserved it 3 407

The Top

Today, I discovered that the rancid stench in my bathroom was a decaying carcass of a mouse in my toilet tank. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 742

You deserved it 3 350

Today, my mom came back from a major surgery. She also had a yeast infection. I had to push the applicator in because she couldn't bend down. This cannot be unfelt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 274

You deserved it 3 378

Today, I learned that there's a billboard-sized photo of me and my ex hanging in the airport advertising my college. Travelers from all over the world have now seen me smiling at graduation with the guy who cheated on me after 3 years together. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 808

You deserved it 333

Today, my long time girlfriend flew across the country to visit. My asshat roommate decided to introduce himself to her while I was in the bathroom. She left and won't answer my calls. He won't tell me what he said to her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 264

You deserved it 1 761

Today, my 11-year-old son and I were going through some old photos. He saw one of me when I was 22 on a beach, wearing a bikini. He said "Wow! Who's that?" Quite proudly I said it was me. He looked at me and said "What happened?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 498

You deserved it 7 854

Today, I was insulted online by a teenager, who said that I was probably a fat loser who still lives with their mother and a couple of cats. They were right. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 236

You deserved it 58 343