Work: Today, I had to be an observer for a drug test at work. Me and...

By evomadrid24 - 02/06/2011 02:48 - United States

Today, I had to be an observer for a drug test at work. Me and two others got to watch 130 guys take a piss, and then leave work two hours later than everyone else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 180

You deserved it 2 799

Winter: Snow and Funny News
Snuggle up and laugh with our winter stories, where snow isn't the only thing sliding around! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 05/04/2014 23:16 - United States - Windsor Heights

Today, I had to take a drug test for a new job. I ended up spilling the cup of pee all over myself. I had to explain what had happened, then go sit in a waiting room full of disgusted-looking people, while I kept drinking water to fill my bladder back up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 411

You deserved it 6 445

Just Say Yes

By bringthemback - 29/03/2014 10:34 - United States - Columbia

Today, my boss decided to have the whole staff drug tested and fire everyone who failed. Out of an original staff of 14 people, only my boss, two coworkers and I remain. I now have four times my normal workload and am seriously thinking maybe I should've said "Yes" to drugs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 113

You deserved it 4 257

By xharmonyx - 24/04/2012 08:29 - United States

Today, I paid for someone else's piss so that I could pass my drug test. I didn't pass the drug test. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 760

You deserved it 71 092

By dragynfyre - 06/03/2012 05:37 - United States

Today, my boss called me out for a drug test. His reason was because my eyes are puffy and bloodshot, making me look high. I've been suffering from allergies all week, but still had to pee in a cup in front of a complete stranger. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 906

You deserved it 2 130

By overflowing - 16/04/2011 22:20 - United States

Today, I had to take a mandatory drug test with the doctor present. Nervous, I couldn't get myself to pee in the cup right away. When I finally did, I couldn't stop myself from overfilling the cup and getting pee all over myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 195

You deserved it 8 671

By Anonymous - 10/06/2016 17:02 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I had to take a drug test for my new job, which I desperately need and which took me over a year to land. I got a shy bladder and couldn't pee. They marked me as non-compliant and revoked the job offer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 708

You deserved it 1 317

Are you taking the piss?

By Anonymous - 28/05/2019 14:00

Today, I was being drug tested as part of a pre-employment policy for substitute teaching. Once I had peed in the cup enough to pass the line, I put it on the only available space: the toilet paper holder. Trying to get toilet paper, I knocked the cup over, spilling pee all over myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 520

You deserved it 913

Never trust a cookie

By Anonymous - 06/01/2022 14:01

Today, I'm a proud non drug user, but I trusted an oat cookie at my brother's birthday, which was loaded with pot. Tomorrow is our mandatory drug screening at work, my job is government based, and I worked my ass off to get it. Anyone who tests positive or misses the test is sacked immediately. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 628

You deserved it 185

By heck - 12/08/2016 13:57

Today, I took a drug test. Not only did I fail the drug test, but I mostly missed the sample cup and got urine all over my pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 153

You deserved it 18 520

By urinanalysis - 03/12/2009 16:08 - Canada

Today, I went to get blood and urine tests done before work. As I was attempting to aim into the cup, I lost balance and slipped. I ended up peeing on my sleeves and my pants. I was late for work and I smelled like pee. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 365

You deserved it 7 313

CallMeHush 0

Thursday 2 June 2011 9:02

Why 2 hours later? Did you need time for your erection to go down?

frozenfreeze 5

Thursday 2 June 2011 9:21

It could have been worse. You could have had to pee while 130 guys were watching you.

Comments

Keyman1212 14

Thursday 2 June 2011 9:18

Did you have to shake it for em?

joshijosh 0

Thursday 2 June 2011 21:46

i had to do a drug test yesterday and nobody shook mine.

Legendslayer222 26

Sunday 25 August 2013 3:44

Sounds like disappointment.

killface93 0

Thursday 2 June 2011 9:20

how did all those guys manage to go with you looking

Deathpawz 4

Thursday 2 June 2011 13:43

FlcL :D

ChiddyBANGr 13

Thursday 2 June 2011 9:20

Moderated this :')

chili10 18

Thursday 2 June 2011 10:07

you must be so proud...

frozenfreeze 5

Thursday 2 June 2011 9:21

It could have been worse. You could have had to pee while 130 guys were watching you.

MaskingTape 2

Thursday 2 June 2011 17:36

Sounds like an exhibitionist's fantasy.

IceyJustin 1

Thursday 2 June 2011 9:24

Just think how awkward the next day will be seeing all of the guys. They will probably find you creepy knowing you watched them take a piss.

Kawboy 1

Thursday 2 June 2011 9:33

**** a bunch of that! It's time for a new job bud!

bubblekitty 1

Thursday 2 June 2011 10:04

"excuse me sir but you have to fill the cup not pee next to the cup"

sheethapins 13

Thursday 2 June 2011 10:08

I wonder how many of them ate asparagus the night before...

Reality_bites 14

Thursday 2 June 2011 10:20

well at least know you know who's packing...

EarAcheMyEYE10 2

Thursday 2 June 2011 10:29

Horrifying jobs for sure... proctologist for elephants sewage waste plant janitor then yours OP suicide hotline awaits... good luck!

Keywords

Embarrassing Miscellaneous Awkward Sleep Work Love Dating Am I overreacting? Annoying Parents Health Mental health Furniture Kids Friends Gross Public freakouts Fight Neighbours Cops Drugs Relatable Medication Dogs Animals Teenagers Ironic Video games Gamers Zoom

The Top

Today, to celebrate moving into a new apartment, my girlfriend decided she would get a kitten. She didn't know I'm allergic to cats. When I told her, she decided that she couldn't date someone who couldn't be around her cat; the one she doesn't have yet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 444

You deserved it 3 015

Today, the woman I love, who rejected me countless times, got a boyfriend. Bitter about it, I post on my Instagram Story: “I could have been your love bug, but apparently you’re into roaches.” She posted a story of them kissing, saying, “I love my roach so much!” FML

I agree, your life sucks 40

You deserved it 1 243

The Top

Today, my car got towed. My money is in my car and they won't let me open my car to get money until my car is "released". FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 238

You deserved it 5 233

Today, my fiancé and I met his mother for lunch to discuss wedding plans. When we got there, I went to the bathroom to wash my hands. I heard a woman talking on her cell phone in the stall about her son's "disgusting, slutty girlfriend." The toilet flushed and my future mother-in-law walked out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 804

You deserved it 3 540

Today, while on a first date, we ran into a street performer dressed as a clown. I have a phobia of clowns, so I froze in place for a solid 30 seconds before moving away as fast as I could. She spent the rest of the date looking at me oddly, then afterwards said we weren’t going to work out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 447

You deserved it 206

Today, I was having a passionate conversation about video games with a friend in our school cafeteria when I leaned back in my chair as I empathized a point. I leaned a little too far, tipped over, and ended up sprawled out on the floor, still trying to finish my point. FML

I agree, your life sucks 110

You deserved it 372

Today, my ex has successfully turned our son into a copy of himself, a crooked lawyer with alcoholism, a wife who hates him, a mistress he can’t afford, and a pending jail sentence for tax evasion. They’re practically twins. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 240

You deserved it 246

Today, my boyfriend stormed out after I suggested to him that his relationship with his mother is maybe a little weird. Apparently having regular, hour-long phone discussions about your penis is a perfectly normal thing for a 23-year-old to have with his mother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 990

You deserved it 7 509

Same thing different taste

Just Say Yes

Are you taking the piss?

Never trust a cookie

Top comments

Comments