Work: Today, I had to be an observer for a drug test at work. Me and...

By evomadrid24 - 02/06/2011 02:48 - United States

Today, I had to be an observer for a drug test at work. Me and two others got to watch 130 guys take a piss, and then leave work two hours later than everyone else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 180

You deserved it 2 799

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 05/04/2014 23:16 - United States - Windsor Heights

Today, I had to take a drug test for a new job. I ended up spilling the cup of pee all over myself. I had to explain what had happened, then go sit in a waiting room full of disgusted-looking people, while I kept drinking water to fill my bladder back up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 411

You deserved it 6 445

Just Say Yes

By bringthemback - 29/03/2014 10:34 - United States - Columbia

Today, my boss decided to have the whole staff drug tested and fire everyone who failed. Out of an original staff of 14 people, only my boss, two coworkers and I remain. I now have four times my normal workload and am seriously thinking maybe I should've said "Yes" to drugs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 113

You deserved it 4 257

By xharmonyx - 24/04/2012 08:29 - United States

Today, I paid for someone else's piss so that I could pass my drug test. I didn't pass the drug test. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 760

You deserved it 71 092

By dragynfyre - 06/03/2012 05:37 - United States

Today, my boss called me out for a drug test. His reason was because my eyes are puffy and bloodshot, making me look high. I've been suffering from allergies all week, but still had to pee in a cup in front of a complete stranger. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 906

You deserved it 2 130

By overflowing - 16/04/2011 22:20 - United States

Today, I had to take a mandatory drug test with the doctor present. Nervous, I couldn't get myself to pee in the cup right away. When I finally did, I couldn't stop myself from overfilling the cup and getting pee all over myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 195

You deserved it 8 671

By Anonymous - 10/06/2016 17:02 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I had to take a drug test for my new job, which I desperately need and which took me over a year to land. I got a shy bladder and couldn't pee. They marked me as non-compliant and revoked the job offer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 708

You deserved it 1 317

Are you taking the piss?

By Anonymous - 28/05/2019 14:00

Today, I was being drug tested as part of a pre-employment policy for substitute teaching. Once I had peed in the cup enough to pass the line, I put it on the only available space: the toilet paper holder. Trying to get toilet paper, I knocked the cup over, spilling pee all over myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 520

You deserved it 913

Never trust a cookie

By Anonymous - 06/01/2022 14:01

Today, I'm a proud non drug user, but I trusted an oat cookie at my brother's birthday, which was loaded with pot. Tomorrow is our mandatory drug screening at work, my job is government based, and I worked my ass off to get it. Anyone who tests positive or misses the test is sacked immediately. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 628

You deserved it 185

By heck - 12/08/2016 13:57

Today, I took a drug test. Not only did I fail the drug test, but I mostly missed the sample cup and got urine all over my pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 153

You deserved it 18 520

By urinanalysis - 03/12/2009 16:08 - Canada

Today, I went to get blood and urine tests done before work. As I was attempting to aim into the cup, I lost balance and slipped. I ended up peeing on my sleeves and my pants. I was late for work and I smelled like pee. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 365

You deserved it 7 313

CallMeHush 0

Thursday 2 June 2011 9:02

Why 2 hours later? Did you need time for your erection to go down?

frozenfreeze 5

Thursday 2 June 2011 9:21

It could have been worse. You could have had to pee while 130 guys were watching you.

Comments

2DMax 11

Thursday 2 June 2011 8:52

so did you see them... fill the bottle?

zakkyzebra 11

Thursday 2 June 2011 8:55

Better to be pissed off than pissed on, Grandpa always said.

OAAS 0

Thursday 2 June 2011 9:20

Oh, that was a accident!!

hypnos_fml 0

Thursday 2 June 2011 11:54

Go Canucks !

iliveinthesky_fml 0

Thursday 2 June 2011 13:56

Well...that tends to happen when you have a job.

L3Paparazzo 7

Thursday 2 June 2011 15:47

hey your getting paid ! Don't complain :P

ginga_ninja_9001 0

Thursday 2 June 2011 23:25

holy shit l3paparazzo ur hot

bigfoot89 4

Tuesday 7 June 2011 13:49

hmmm looking at penises all day... were they all circumcised? I would have loved comparing all the sizes of them..yum!

itsmeppl 0

Thursday 2 June 2011 8:52

yeah cos thats what everyone wants To see every day...

Thrasher91 0

Thursday 2 June 2011 10:57

It seems like every comment you post is dumb

HubertPL 0

Thursday 2 June 2011 13:04

thrasher how about you stop being a cyber **** and post more intelligent comments somewhere else.

oboewhore_xD 6

Thursday 2 June 2011 15:21

I agree with Thrasher. But that might be because he's sexy as ****. MAKE GINGER BABIES WITH ME, THRASHER!!!D:

tBo111 0

Thursday 2 June 2011 20:14

this isn't matchmaker..

rocketeer_97 1

Friday 3 June 2011 0:43

39- but havent you noticed that all the comments she makes, it always gets thumbed down & hidden.

guitarbeast 22

Thursday 2 June 2011 8:53

did you at least get paid extra?

afdude87 6

Thursday 2 June 2011 9:59

probably not. sounds like the military to me.

EffinToofer 3

Thursday 2 June 2011 10:18

Today, I had to work. FML. Would you rather work with a bunch of incompetent drug addicts?

jekalt 0

Thursday 2 June 2011 8:53

owned?

OrgasmicBunnies 9

Thursday 2 June 2011 8:54

I really have nothing witty to say. Umm, did you touch the cup that overfilled?

marinus_fml 19

Thursday 2 June 2011 9:17

Best not to say anything at all then.

alex1432 9

Thursday 2 June 2011 8:58

could have had to watch 130 guys give a stool sample

mrwelsh3 0

Thursday 2 June 2011 9:56

or a sperm sample...eww

missy_lynn012 0

Thursday 2 June 2011 16:41

glass half full...thats my kind of guy.

BountyBass 13

Thursday 2 June 2011 8:58

bet u loved it secretly

CallMeHush 0

Thursday 2 June 2011 9:02

Why 2 hours later? Did you need time for your erection to go down?

IscoreOnU 19

Thursday 2 June 2011 9:03

Was it awkward?

imnotonaboat 0

Thursday 2 June 2011 10:47

That comment was just..awful

borkchop1992 15

Thursday 2 June 2011 9:14

did they have you hold it for them?

Keywords

Miscellaneous Embarrassing Awkward Sleep Work Love Dating Annoying Am I overreacting? Parents Health Mental health Furniture Kids Friends Gross Public freakouts Fight Neighbours Cops Drugs Relatable Medication Dogs Animals Teenagers Ironic Video games Gamers Zoom

The Top

Today, I finally got my paycheck from working at my minimum wage job for the last three months. I was delighted when I saw it was worth $846. On my way to cash it, I destroyed my car's suspension. It's going to cost almost $800 to fix. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 981

You deserved it 6 718

Today, it was dad’s funeral and I intended to speak but I was crying so much I couldn’t finish and mom had to help me back to my seat. Unfortunately, most of our family are arseholes and I could hear someone saying, “Disgraceful, shaming his dad like that.” It was the worst day of my entire life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 632

You deserved it 81

The Top

Today, I was on my way to meet my partner's parents for the first time. Although I was in a rush, I managed to hop into the shower and shave. I now have a cut on my upper lip. I'm a woman. FML

I agree, your life sucks 927

You deserved it 264

Today, I was roused from my peaceful slumber by the sound of evil laughter coming from my closet. It was my old Furby, with dead batteries, that I could have sworn I got rid of several years ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 078

You deserved it 2 427

Today, while talking to my parents about my car, my dad said, "Don't put a lot of money into it because we will give you ours when we move." I asked why, and my mom responded, "Well, we helped your sister with her wedding, so this is going to be your wedding gift." I'm getting a car out of pity for not having a wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 908

You deserved it 168

Today, my daughter mentioned that she didn't need to work because she could convert a dollar to 13 Mexican pesos and convert it back into "13 USD", over and over again. She's 17. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 124

You deserved it 5 239

Today, I told my brother to piss off. He decided to do exactly that, from the balcony onto my lap. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 075

You deserved it 33 446

Today, it's been a week since my new boss destroyed our business in less than an hour. His first instruction was, “Fire that old guy who was rude to me.” That old guy was our lead fabrication engineer, with 45 years experience. He took 10 other engineers with him as he left, and most of our repeat customers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 728

You deserved it 100

Same thing different taste

Just Say Yes

Are you taking the piss?

Never trust a cookie

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