Love: Today, I had to convince my girlfriend that, no matter how much...

By Anonymous - 13/12/2011 20:26 - United States

Today, I had to convince my girlfriend that, no matter how much she makes herself burp, she won't lose any weight. She still doesn't understand why. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 394

You deserved it 3 957

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Same thing different taste

Delusional

By Anonymous - 02/08/2012 00:56 - United Kingdom - March

Today, my girlfriend tried to convince me that she never takes dumps. I told her that as long as she eats, it's a biological impossibility, but she seems to have genuinely deluded herself into thinking it's true, purely because she is a girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 190

You deserved it 3 299

Is it that rare?

By Anonymous - 14/06/2022 00:00

Today, my girlfriend is mad at me. Apparently in her country, not burping after a meal is very rude, and means you think their cooking skill is bad. I get throat gurgles, not burps. I tried to explain, but she thinks I made up a fake condition. It’s not fake, just so rare it’s unheard of. FML

I agree, your life sucks 916

You deserved it 126

Pound for pound

By Anonymous - 27/04/2021 14:01

Today, my girlfriend had a huge fight with me because while I'm trying to gain weight and she’s trying to lose some, I’ve still lost more weight than her. Not my fault my body’s natural preference is to drop pounds like they’re hot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 903

You deserved it 139

By brittrod - 05/12/2011 01:13 - United States

Today, when my mother-in-law told me I was losing weight, my husband started laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 043

You deserved it 3 386

By Anonymous - 10/12/2012 18:09 - United States - Victorville

Today, my girlfriend felt bad about a rude comment she made to me, and asked me to insult her in return. I told her she was getting fat. Wrong move; now she's not speaking to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 145

You deserved it 44 641

By Anonymous - 28/02/2016 15:57 - United Kingdom

Today, my girlfriend dumped me because I've recently become serious about getting fit, and have lost nearly 84 pounds. Apparently, when I was fat, I made her look smaller in comparison. When I got slimmer, she insisted I either gain the weight back or she'd leave. So she did. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 472

You deserved it 1 650

By Username - 06/10/2010 21:59 - France

Today, I was telling my boyfriend about how self conscious I am and how I obsess about my weight. He said, "Don't be ridiculous, you don't need to lose THAT much weight." FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 037

You deserved it 28 714

By AbFlab - 01/06/2010 04:35 - United States

Today, I've been dieting and working out trying to work towards some solid abs because I know my girlfriend digs that stuff. I've been miserable trying to achieve this goal, plus to make things even better while kissing today she grabbed my stomach and said "I just love your abs of... flab." FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 806

You deserved it 5 225

Thanks Karen

By Anonymous - 26/08/2014 15:30 - United States - Gloucester

Today, I was taking a customer's order, when she said she'd better go for a salad, because she was getting fat. She was actually very slim, so I told her she wasn't fat at all. She took one look at me and snorted "Yeah, not compared to you, that's for sure." FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 685

You deserved it 4 366

Whatthefuckaburger

By r u kidding me? - 09/06/2020 20:00

Today, after my girlfriend continuously whined for hours about a specific burger place, I finally gave in and we drove nearly two hours to get there. Once in line, she looked at the menu, then decided everything had too many calories and wanted to go home. She doesn’t get why I’m pissed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 877

You deserved it 333

bargarlm 2

Tuesday 13 December 2011 23:50

So she thinks she's full of air? That makes sense, sounds like she's an airhead....

tellithowitis 13

Tuesday 13 December 2011 23:49

Just nod your head and say yes

Comments

HogwartsDropout7 0

Wednesday 14 December 2011 4:26

If he wants to go around burping a lot, let her.

crazyrunnergirl 7

Wednesday 14 December 2011 4:41

That's an interesting theory

bryanismad 3

Wednesday 14 December 2011 4:56

I know blondes are awesome but damn bro let go of that airhead

YagerMiester95 8

Wednesday 14 December 2011 5:15

Your girlfriend obviously belongs in special Ed lol jk.

jcruz9 0

Wednesday 14 December 2011 5:35

Dam bro! What else can u do?! Lol

neptune997 4

Wednesday 14 December 2011 5:42

Is she a blonde?

idoam 8

Wednesday 14 December 2011 5:44

You never know, it could have a placebo effect on her.

reaxion 25

Wednesday 14 December 2011 5:46

Don't let her watch Charlie and the Chocolate Factory! She'll lose her mind and try burping herself to death :-)

SpartanSweetie 4

Wednesday 14 December 2011 5:49

Actually, you do lose weight by burping...just a minuscule amount.

slipknotpwncess 0

Wednesday 14 December 2011 5:56

she's blonde isnt she?

Keywords

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The Top

Today, thinking no one was home, I decided to be a little frisky with my boyfriend. I guess I was being loud and woke up my sleeping autistic brother the room over. Halfway through, he burst through the door, panicking. He thought I was having another one of my asthma attacks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 979

You deserved it 9 781

Today, I told my roommate that I was an atheist and she laughed. I left and returned to find her and her prayer group praying for my soul. She told me to accept Jesus Christ as my lord and savior. I said no. Then she told me to find somewhere else to live. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 851

You deserved it 1 041

The Top

Today, I hit a car while trying to park. Assuming that no one saw, I moved my car and parked somewhere else. Hours later I get a call from the university police. While backing up to go to the police station I hit another car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 746

You deserved it 56 001

Today, I met my roommate for the first time. I walked in the door to see him in full Roman gladiator gear, screaming at the computer because he lost 18 knights. He also told me he wakes up every 3 hours to make sure his army is still intact. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 355

You deserved it 3 531

Today, it's been so long since my wife has been interested in me intimately, I became aroused when a woman touched my arm while talking to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 433

You deserved it 244

Today, I got a ride in a friend's car. As I sat down, her younger brother started laughing hysterically from the backseat. In between giggles, he admitted he peed there a few minutes ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 664

You deserved it 2 821

Today, I was the first guy ever to give my girlfriend an orgasm. I was also the first guy to make her poop at the same time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 224

You deserved it 3 491

Today, I was menaced by a shirtless crackhead with an aluminum bat for, "parking in the wrong parking lot" - not parking spot, parking LOT - while delivering pizza to one of many nearby apartment buildings. I'm not allowed to carry a weapon to defend myself, unless I wanna shell out $75 for a Mag flashlight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 393

You deserved it 129