By screaming monkey - 04/04/2012 10:13 - United Kingdom - Whitton

Today, I'm recovering from colon surgery. They gave me codeine as pain relief, which has made me constipated. I'm currently sat on the toilet, trying to push out what feels like a small child wrapped in barbed wire out without busting my stitches. FML
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Top comments

WCARlover 34

+1 for describing it as "small child wrapped in barbed wire". I think that really adds to the imagery

188 3
kiran_fml 5

Maybe you should ask for an alternate medicine if they offer it.

68 4

Comments

perdix 29

With friends like codeine, who needs enemas? You do.

36 1
MrsPegg 45

I think it's time to tell your nurse OP. There's most likely something they can do to help you out.

2 2
SkoomaKi 27

Watch the grudge....that little "baby" will pop out like there's no tomorrow.....

4 2
loserman67 35

Number one, LOVE the nicname -- very fitting. Number two and someone already beat me to the advice, eat a couple of McDonald's burgers with a cup of coffee and hold on. You'll have the screaming ***** in no time flat. Good Luck OP, feel better.

3 0
ShyAnn29 14

It depends on when he had surgery if he can eat or not

0 0
loserman67 35

perdix - love it, love it, love it. I heard the rim shot in my head as I read your post.

1 1
Birdie_Sage 0

It will get better, I pray to the wise bird for your recovery. Ahahahah! screaming monkey.

0 4
DocBastard 38

Whatever you do, do NOT use an enema or suppository. If you had left-sided colon surgery, this is a great way to get an anastomotic leak. Only use medicine from above. You can try stool softeners, laxatives, mineral oil, milk of magnesia, magnesium citrate, prune juice, whatever. Try to minimise narcotic use. In all likelihood you have an ileus which will resolve itself. Good luck.

11 1
loserman67 35

AAAwwwwww come on Doc. From a purely medical standpoint I am sure your advice is spot on, as usual. But from a comic standpoint, why no witty remark about the "baby wrapped in barbed wire" analogy? Or no remark about anal stretching, or SOMETHING? I always look to you for excellent advice regarding medical issues and/or grammar, but also for your biting sense of humor.

4 6
DocBastard 38

Meh. I must not be feeling it today, as evidenced by my missing of Feared's Oxytocin joke above. Bleh.

8 1
ShyAnn29 14

Magnesium Citrate is nasty!! I've had to drink it several different times when I had my surgeries, but it does work very well

2 0
jazzybaby179 22

Screaming monkey lol:)

4 0
terrask 11

Should've been prescribed a mild laxative, sennosides and the likes. Go see your doctor otherwise your stitches wont last another day.

0 0
titzenpitzer 9

you're giving the writers of SAW some new ideas here...

5 1