Love: Today, I moved in with my boyfriend because my parents kicked... - FML

By CassidyQueen - 06/06/2015 02:14 - United States - Warrenton

Today, I moved in with my boyfriend because my parents kicked me out. He said that if I ever touch his "fucking apple jacks" he will "chop" my nipples off and feed them to the dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 239

You deserved it 5 575

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Same thing different taste

Say hello, wave goodbye

By Anonymous - 28/06/2024 07:00 - United States

Today, I moved in with my boyfriend. I also moved right back out, after I caught him sexting one of his coworkers just a few hours later. FML

I agree, your life sucks 608

You deserved it 92

By SkinsCastSelection - 17/01/2011 22:50 - France

Today, my boyfriend moved. He moved from my room... to my housemate's room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 679

You deserved it 3 610

He prefers the dog

By Anonymous - 19/11/2019 14:00

Today, my boyfriend kicked me out of bed so the dog could get under the covers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 999

You deserved it 370

By krisest1988 - 07/05/2016 21:34 - United States - Columbus

Today, my boyfriend came home from a two week vacation and told me I need to move. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 719

You deserved it 973

By Anonymous - 11/03/2010 02:48 - United States

Today, after uprooting my life to help my boyfriend, I realized I receive more affection from my landlord's dog than I have from my boyfriend since I've moved here. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 209

You deserved it 4 258

By wtf - 30/01/2015 09:00 - United States - Dearborn

Today, I walked into my bedroom to find my boyfriend clipping his toe nails into my pillow case. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 596

You deserved it 2 657

Put your foot down

By K.. - 28/02/2021 14:01 - Australia

Today, my boyfriend and I moved into our own house. He proceeded to invite his parents to stay for the week. The same parents we've lived with for the past 5 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 382

You deserved it 179

Grossed out

By vomiting - 07/03/2022 16:00

Today, my boyfriend took me home to have dinner with his parents. I couldn’t eat a single bite after watching his mom let her three dogs taste all the food off her hands, while she also licked her own fingers while cooking. Later on, he dumped me for being rude and “too high maintenance." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 272

You deserved it 142

By Anonymous - 12/02/2015 16:50 - Romania - Bucharest

Today, my boyfriend threw a fit because I "still" live with my mother at age 30. I bought her an apartment in my building and hired a live-in nurse because she is senile and permanently bedridden. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 343

You deserved it 2 548

By cockalicious - 01/03/2011 05:29

Today, my boyfriend let me know he wanted me to leave by repeatedly jabbing me with my car keys. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 713

You deserved it 5 022

Next

Top comments

naturallyfuck 17

Saturday 6 June 2015 19:27

Well I wouldn't let you touch my apple jacks either

nkb94 18

Saturday 6 June 2015 19:26

Well shit. I hope he wasn't serious.

Comments

Witchylady 17

Sunday 7 June 2015 3:09

I think living on the streets would be safer than living with that psycho. Good luck

CarouselHeart 11

Sunday 7 June 2015 3:55

What I'm confused about is, why did you put speech marks around "chop"?

ThymastarGT 11

Sunday 7 June 2015 4:25

You heard the man.

TomeDr 24

Sunday 7 June 2015 4:33

Might want to reconcile with your parents.

ProSwimmerFL 16

Sunday 7 June 2015 5:04

Damn right don't touch the applejacks !

penguinazul 13

Sunday 7 June 2015 5:46

You could always get your own ******* apple jacks. Problem solved.

cnmcnally 7

Sunday 7 June 2015 6:24

Guess you better not touch his Apple jacks

theKevmeister 13

Sunday 7 June 2015 6:31

possessive much? it's ******* cereal... drink all the milk(makes ur nips a last resort) and let him dive into that box of apple jacks dry

shedevil07 8

Sunday 7 June 2015 6:50

Sounds valid. Lol

_ely_foster_ 11

Sunday 7 June 2015 6:51

apple jacks suck anyways, cinnamon toast crunch is where its at!

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The Top

Today, I annoyed my friend by texting him "Meow" over and over at random times of the day because when he's drunk he meows in his sleep. Apparently a great way to get back at me was to tell my parents I wasn't a virgin, and that I got high on Wednesday. He had pictures to prove it for both. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 634

You deserved it 68 713

Today, my girlfriend’s dad has a sword he inherited from his dad that he claims links their family to the old Swiss nobility. I work in a museum so I know most of the makers' marks on swords, so I’m not sure how to tell him his sword is a reproduction made in Spain less than 100 years ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 409

You deserved it 79

The Top

Today, a wasp knocked me out, broke my glasses, and left a gash over my eyebrow. It did so by flying under my glasses while I was playing my guitar, causing me to reflexively bat at it with the hand that was still grasping the guitar neck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 976

You deserved it 7 362

Today, I was in the middle of a wank when my home's back door, which is always locked, suddenly opened and someone walked in. I’m not sure who was more surprised: me or the new maintenance guy who saw me wanking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 334

You deserved it 641

Today, I woke up at 5:30 and made the half hour drive to work only to find out that it was my day off. After finally getting back home and into bed, my boss called, requesting that I come back to work since I was "already up". FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 033

You deserved it 6 567

Today, I saw my ex-girlfriend leaving a store. She used to ridicule me for not making much money, but I now have a good job and a BMW. Trying to show off, I cranked up the music and drove by. She looked up right as I hit a car backing out of its parking space. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 577

You deserved it 11 342

Today, I learned that if you give a squirrel a cookie, he'll climb up your pants in search of more cookies. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 157

You deserved it 7 751

Today, I was making out with my boyfriend and he tried to put his hand inside my pants. I didn't want it to be that easy so I denied, but he insisted a lot and I finally let him. He started to sing "We Are The Champions." FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 950

You deserved it 24 366