Intimacy: Today, I noticed my wife makes more satisfied groans when she's...

By turdburger - 02/09/2009 05:56 - Australia

Today, I noticed my wife makes more satisfied groans when she's taking a big dump than she does when we make love. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 179

You deserved it 7 108

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Same thing different taste

By Helseac - 17/12/2018 03:00

Today, I noticed my husband makes better sex sounds on the toilet then he does with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 747

You deserved it 457

This is shit

By Anonymous - 03/01/2011 01:22 - United Kingdom

Today, I realised it takes me longer to take a dump than it does to have sex with my boyfriend. I also realised taking a dump is more satisfying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 804

You deserved it 6 575

By poopydaddy - 03/05/2013 11:32 - Canada - Oakville

Today, I found out that every time my girlfriend takes a big dump, she pretends as if she's giving birth and screams uncontrollably. I just moved in with her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 872

You deserved it 5 659

It's not a competition, but still…

By Shooter71 - 16/10/2010 04:09 - France

Today, I discovered my wife has had more sex in the last two months than I've had in the last year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 281

You deserved it 3 820

By anonymous - 17/04/2012 01:59 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I found out that I can get my girlfriend to make more sex noises by massaging her back than I can by actually having sex with her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 925

You deserved it 7 475

By FUCK GOD - 03/02/2013 23:04 - Argentina - Salta

Today, for the first time in weeks, my wife felt frisky, and we started fooling around. Half-way through undressing me, she bolted out, claiming she had the shits. About five minutes later, she tearfully called out from the bathroom, begging me to bring her a fresh roll of toilet paper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 124

You deserved it 4 859

Power moves

By Travis - 10/09/2021 22:59

Today, my wife told me that I take her breath away. However, she was talking about my large stomach hitting her while we have sex and knocking the wind out of her with every thrust. FML

I agree, your life sucks 609

You deserved it 1 208

By Anonymous - 08/07/2012 05:18 - United States - Seattle

Today, my wife told me she'd rather bust up concrete than get it on with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 794

You deserved it 3 949

By Anonymous - 15/06/2014 19:22 - United Kingdom

Today, I found out that my wife has had more sex in the last two months than I have in our last year of marriage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 67 098

You deserved it 6 385

By noosher0990 - 18/02/2010 00:30

Today, I found out that my neighbor gets more pleasure out of me and my husband having it off then I do. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 951

You deserved it 2 772

dacho 7

Wednesday 2 September 2009 12:40

Try ******* her in the ass then.

Glam_fml 0

Wednesday 2 September 2009 14:19

Sometimes taking a huge shit IS better than sex.

Comments

obama1234 0

Tuesday 15 September 2009 2:20

hahaha wtf i do that too!!!

VegHead13 0

Tuesday 15 September 2009 3:01

Hello anal!

Shreader42 0

Sunday 27 September 2009 6:30

this is a sign. tap the ass.

kitterkateee 0

Monday 28 September 2009 22:35

ha, looks like your wife likes it up the ass.

valmont_fml 0

Thursday 26 November 2009 4:15

Wow... no one seems to want to say anything substantial. In all seriousness, women don't always make lots of noise. It varies from person to person.

Toxikk_fml 0

Friday 4 December 2009 6:42

Lmao I told my friend this FML his response? "Omg same thing with my mom!"

clayton18 0

Thursday 24 December 2009 10:05

Then maybe you not to good at sex? O.o

kiss_of_death 0

Saturday 9 January 2010 19:21

Ydi for being a dud

samantha_durano 6

Thursday 4 February 2010 7:21

hahaha, oh my god that made my day:)

jordan75_fml 0

Wednesday 31 March 2010 1:42

why do you listin to your wife taking a dump?

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The Top

Today, I demanded to know why my boyfriend takes so long in public toilets. He admitted his ex was such a nasty ho, she would drag him into public toilets whenever she wanted dick in public. So now every time he goes in one, he gets a boner and has to "get rid of it" before he can come out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 135

You deserved it 348

Today, I was at a wedding reception with loud music. A guy told me that his sister couldn't be there because she "went home to be with her boy." I said, "That's too bad, she's missing a great party." He paused and repeated, "She went home to be with her LORD." FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 263

You deserved it 4 813

The Top

Today, I got scolded for how I treated my aunt and uncle's dogs while pet sitting. I was told it was my fault they had explosive diarrhea for "locking" them in the room they'd told me to put them in at night and doing everything they said when I reported they were sick. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 071

You deserved it 228

Today, my son drew in Sharpie all over the wall, so I spanked him as punishment. When my boss came over for dinner, my son shouted, "Daddy made me take my punishment in the butt." FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 482

You deserved it 16 130

Today, I learned that the four girls who I assumed were my girlfriends' good friends and whom she was always talking about were actually characters from the television show, "Sex and the City." My girlfriend has fictional friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 469

You deserved it 6 350

Today, we got the news that my dad will be dying of Covid. My mom, former nurse, still insist it's a hoax and that the holistic route will cure him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 338

You deserved it 130

Today, I emailed the guy I like to ask him on a coffee date. He responded, declining by telling me he never drinks coffee. We met at Starbucks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 177

You deserved it 4 187

Today, my friends and I had our Christmas party. I ended up being the only one sober, and had to drive each and every person home. There were 15 of us. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 531

You deserved it 5 818

Same thing different taste

This is shit

It's not a competition, but still…

Power moves

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