Kids: Today, I saw on my 17-year-old daughter's floor her "To-Do" list....

FML for mobile
Free

By Anonymous - 05/10/2012 02:45 - United States - Miami

Today, I saw on my 17-year-old daughter's floor her "To-Do" list. What was #1? Jump in front of a moving vehicle, in hopes that Edward Cullen will use his vampire speed to save her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 028

You deserved it 4 244

Labour Day: Rest or Disaster?
Find out how a day off can turn into a series of hilarious, unexpected events. More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

By So little trust. - 12/07/2013 23:18 - Canada - Coaldale

Today, I walked in on my daughter hugging and sobbing into her Edward Cullen cut-out. She won't tell me what's wrong, yet she can confide in a creepy fictional stalker whose facial expression is locked to "chronically constipated". Where did I go wrong? FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 467

You deserved it 7 664

Logic 101

By Anonymous - 07/03/2020 17:01 - Canada

Today, my 17-year-old daughter didn't do the laundry. Her excuse? "If it was meant to be done, it would have done itself." This is the same daughter who yesterday tried convincing me she was responsible enough to get a dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 631

You deserved it 292

By team hit bella with a car - 20/10/2014 02:20 - United States - Odenton

Today, after waiting for years for my oldest daughter to grow out of Twilight, my younger daughter discovered it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 509

You deserved it 3 725

By xBubbles38 - 18/07/2011 15:17 - United States

Today, I woke up to a scream downstairs. My 13 year-old daughter was trying to bite her little brother's neck. No matter how hard I try, she will not believe that she is NOT and NEVER WILL BE a vampire. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 965

You deserved it 6 280

By father of the year - 01/08/2013 06:21 - United States

Today, my 18-year-old daughter texted me and told me that she got in a car crash. She texted, "I forgot wich way wus left lol" and then quickly added "yolo right? Lol". FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 486

You deserved it 11 878

By Tweenmom - 13/04/2017 16:00

Today, my tween daughter found an exciting new book series to replace her two-year obsession with Harry Potter. Hello, Team Jacob. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 739

You deserved it 552

By Mike - 28/02/2019 02:00

Today, my teenage daughter got her driver’s license. Less than an hour later she wrecked my wife’s new minivan. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 262

You deserved it 532

By garage - 27/01/2010 06:21 - France

Today, my dad thought it'd be funny to put an Edward Cullen cutout behind my car as I backed it out the garage to see my reaction. Oh it was funny alright, except I was so scared that when I saw him through the mirror I reacted by stepping on the gas. We now have half a garage door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 723

You deserved it 8 607

I'll make my own way

By Anonymous - 02/03/2022 05:00 - United Kingdom - Preston

Today, my daughter is too crafty for her own good: she found out I was planning on driving her to her first date to meet a boy, so she let the air out of my car tyres, removed my bike chain, and even stole my bus pass. I taught her well. Well played daughter, well played. FML

I agree, your life sucks 367

You deserved it 1 457

By Anonymous - 27/10/2012 07:20 - United States

Today, I found out that my daughter has a hit list. There are over thirty names on there. My name is on it as well. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 356

You deserved it 3 841

rekege 18

Friday 5 October 2012 9:11

She can't be saved...

tialeanne 19

Friday 5 October 2012 9:12

At least it's on her "To Do" list and not her "Already Completed" list...

Comments

roninvamp 4

Friday 5 October 2012 16:35

your kid is destined for the Darwin Awards, I'm sorry

xoxo_jackie 5

Friday 5 October 2012 16:36

Your daughter needs help.

mosquito19 14

Friday 5 October 2012 16:41

you should do her the honer by pushing her into the traffic.

NicoleAshley10 0

Friday 5 October 2012 17:22

look what these Twilight movies did to these kids head. I'm glad that the last one is coming out next month.

onorexveritas 23

Friday 5 October 2012 17:50

LMAO!!!!!!

theburninator 1

Friday 5 October 2012 18:00

Maybe just let her do it. Natural selection works wonders you know.

mgates27 3

Friday 5 October 2012 18:06

Darwin award candidate

dolphins_penny 5

Friday 5 October 2012 18:57

and natural selection will get rid of the stupid ppl.....as told by this "to do" list

HOPPE612 5

Friday 5 October 2012 19:56

what a lazy B****

livvittupp 0

Friday 5 October 2012 20:12

At least she's focused on twilight and not booze and sex

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Football Miscellaneous Embarrassing Relatable Teenagers Clothes Disappointment Parents Education Religion Love Tinder Anger Jealousy Skincare Sex Vacation TV shows Health Periods Kids Cute Weird Job interview Work Abuse Gross Healthy Lifestyle Parenting Smells

The Top

Today, I told my mom I've been taking yoga lessons, and that it'd be cool if she took some with me. She immediately went on a rant, calling yoga "satanic" and accusing me of trying to get her into "devil worship". Well, that's the last time I try to patch our relationship up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 185

You deserved it 3 169

Today, my girlfriend asked what my sexual fantasy was, and I said Catwoman. She got disgusted at me, because according to her, Catwoman is 15 years-old or something. Turns out she has only seen Gotham, featuring Catgirl as a teenager, and not the grown-up Halle Berry version I was talking about. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 669

You deserved it 233

The Top

Today, my fiancé told me that the thought of having sex with a pregnant woman repulsed him. I'm pregnant. He's glad he got that off his chest FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 648

You deserved it 4 246

Today, my son was finally born. He was the perfect weight, as healthy as can be, and has his father’s dark, chocolate complexion. At least I’m guessing so, since both my wife and I are white. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 809

You deserved it 522

Today, I get as much time with the woman of my dreams as I do with my children: One day, every two weeks. She lives with me. They don't. FML

I agree, your life sucks 874

You deserved it 189

Today, my mother woke me up by loudly vacuuming the house. I had to work the next morning, so I asked her what she was thinking. She told me that if I was really tired and needed sleep, I wouldn't have woken up. It was 3 AM. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 948

You deserved it 1 724

Today, I found out that my boyfriend of almost two years has been cheating on me with his ex. They had a horrible, abusive relationship and she even stabbed him at one point. I got him out of that situation and almost went broke doing that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 365

You deserved it 268

Today, I'm in the best shape of my life after losing 2.5 stone over 2 years. I never got any female attention when I was overweight, so I was quite surprised when at the gym an attractive woman came over and started flirting with me. It was going great, until she said, "You'd be perfect if you had a dad bod". FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 130

You deserved it 125

Same thing different taste

Logic 101

I'll make my own way

Top comments

Comments