Intimacy: Today, I sent my boyfriend a text asking him to come over a little...

By -___- - 29/09/2013 19:46 - United States - Winfield

Today, I sent my boyfriend a text asking him to come over a little later and have some "fun" with me. He texted back, "WTF babe? Breaking Bad's on tonight. You got a dildo, fucking use it." FML

I agree, your life sucks 68 782

You deserved it 27 696

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Same thing different taste

Steamy

By DreeStahr - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United States - Liberty

Today, I was texting my boyfriend and things were getting a little steamy. He said, "I really want you right now." So, of course, I told him to come over. To which he replied, "Nah." FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 133

You deserved it 1 478

Remote sex

By Anonymous - 05/02/2020 05:00 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, I thought it would be fun to have a sex session with my boyfriend. I sent him a suggestive message, and 30 minutes later he texted me back to let me know he was done. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 379

You deserved it 353

By SKYYYLLLARRRR!!!! - 01/02/2015 16:17 - United States - Gurnee

Today, my Breaking Bad-obsessed boyfriend actually used the phrase "I am the one who cocks" during foreplay. My vagina just about turned into a desert on the spot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 353

You deserved it 4 302

Talk sexy to me

By fed up/turned off - 02/10/2013 05:47 - United States - Fresno

Today, I tried turning on my boyfriend by sending him naughty pictures and texts, describing in detail all the things I was going to do to him when we have the house to ourselves this weekend. He responded by quoting that crappy movie 'The Room', saying, "Oh hi doggie!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 565

You deserved it 6 798

Sexy talk

By Anonymous - 16/01/2016 06:40 - United States - Denver

Today, I felt kind of horny for once, so I texted my boyfriend to let him know he'd be getting some action later. He replied, "I'm gonna fucken murder ur pussy when I get back!! :D" And just like that my sex drive once again crashed through the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 009

You deserved it 4 818

By McKenna - 16/07/2011 04:10 - United States

Today, I was sending my boyfriend dirty texts to try and turn him on so when I see him the next day he will want to get intimate. Twenty minutes later he texts back, "ew stop." FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 375

You deserved it 17 913

By princess - 17/03/2009 05:06 - Canada

Today, I texted my boyfriend of 6 months saying that I was in the mood, and that I was in bed, and naked. He texted back saying "U got fingers, use them, im going to bed xoxo". FML

I agree, your life sucks 151 964

You deserved it 40 648

Do me

By noneofthesex - 10/02/2009 20:46 - United States

Today, I sent a text to my boyfriend saying, "Come over and do me." He never responded. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 536

You deserved it 12 157

By giantcuntflaps - 13/12/2014 16:03 - Australia

Today, I was trying to turn my boyfriend on with dirty texts. When he said "I'm horny," I teasingly replied, "Whoops, did I do that?" His reply? "Huh? Naw i'm watching sum porn". FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 530

You deserved it 6 871

By Anonymous - 09/01/2014 17:59 - United States - Imperial

Today, my fiancé texted me, saying he'd been masturbating to pictures of me. I told him that I couldn't wait to get home and take care of him. He replied, "Nah, don't bother, I got this." Now I'm horny and sad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 091

You deserved it 7 768

hghrider123456 9

Monday 30 September 2013 1:55

He basically told you to go **** yourself....

norwegianboip 17

Monday 30 September 2013 1:54

Well.. It is the finale ..

Comments

museerux01 10

Monday 30 September 2013 16:24

Respond with "well it is bigger"

Dcm210 19

Monday 30 September 2013 16:35

Maybe find a better guy to have fun with.

monnanon 13

Monday 30 September 2013 17:17

why exactly could he not have said "im sorry babe but breaking bad is on and its the finale. tomorrow though" no one begrudges someone their alone time but if a request i had made had been met with that answer i would be pissed.

jude_iscariot 7

Monday 30 September 2013 17:24

I'd break up with you because you're not watching Breaking Bad with him. This isn't an FML, this is just a "Oh, well". I mean, your boyfriend has the right idea.

br0ck 9

Monday 30 September 2013 17:26

If he was saying it to you for example, it would be best to say it as, "Yo, MrSassypants, I can't have sex coz I gotta watch Breaking Bad. Use a *****, BITCH!"