Intimacy: Today, I sent my boyfriend a text asking him to come over a little...

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By -___- - 29/09/2013 19:46 - United States - Winfield

Today, I sent my boyfriend a text asking him to come over a little later and have some "fun" with me. He texted back, "WTF babe? Breaking Bad's on tonight. You got a dildo, fucking use it." FML

I agree, your life sucks 68 802

You deserved it 27 700

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Same thing different taste

Steamy

By DreeStahr - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United States - Liberty

Today, I was texting my boyfriend and things were getting a little steamy. He said, "I really want you right now." So, of course, I told him to come over. To which he replied, "Nah." FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 343

You deserved it 1 533

Remote sex

By Anonymous - 05/02/2020 05:00 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, I thought it would be fun to have a sex session with my boyfriend. I sent him a suggestive message, and 30 minutes later he texted me back to let me know he was done. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 392

You deserved it 356

By SKYYYLLLARRRR!!!! - 01/02/2015 16:17 - United States - Gurnee

Today, my Breaking Bad-obsessed boyfriend actually used the phrase "I am the one who cocks" during foreplay. My vagina just about turned into a desert on the spot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 362

You deserved it 4 305

Talk sexy to me

By fed up/turned off - 02/10/2013 05:47 - United States - Fresno

Today, I tried turning on my boyfriend by sending him naughty pictures and texts, describing in detail all the things I was going to do to him when we have the house to ourselves this weekend. He responded by quoting that crappy movie 'The Room', saying, "Oh hi doggie!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 589

You deserved it 6 808

Sexy talk

By Anonymous - 16/01/2016 06:40 - United States - Denver

Today, I felt kind of horny for once, so I texted my boyfriend to let him know he'd be getting some action later. He replied, "I'm gonna fucken murder ur pussy when I get back!! :D" And just like that my sex drive once again crashed through the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 021

You deserved it 4 824

By McKenna - 16/07/2011 04:10 - United States

Today, I was sending my boyfriend dirty texts to try and turn him on so when I see him the next day he will want to get intimate. Twenty minutes later he texts back, "ew stop." FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 398

You deserved it 17 926

By princess - 17/03/2009 05:06 - Canada

Today, I texted my boyfriend of 6 months saying that I was in the mood, and that I was in bed, and naked. He texted back saying "U got fingers, use them, im going to bed xoxo". FML

I agree, your life sucks 151 981

You deserved it 40 655

Do me

By noneofthesex - 10/02/2009 20:46 - United States

Today, I sent a text to my boyfriend saying, "Come over and do me." He never responded. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 545

You deserved it 12 162

By giantcuntflaps - 13/12/2014 16:03 - Australia

Today, I was trying to turn my boyfriend on with dirty texts. When he said "I'm horny," I teasingly replied, "Whoops, did I do that?" His reply? "Huh? Naw i'm watching sum porn". FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 544

You deserved it 6 874

By Anonymous - 09/01/2014 17:59 - United States - Imperial

Today, my fiancé texted me, saying he'd been masturbating to pictures of me. I told him that I couldn't wait to get home and take care of him. He replied, "Nah, don't bother, I got this." Now I'm horny and sad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 108

You deserved it 7 771

hghrider123456 9

Monday 30 September 2013 1:55

He basically told you to go **** yourself....

norwegianboip 17

Monday 30 September 2013 1:54

Well.. It is the finale ..

Comments

tannara 12

Monday 30 September 2013 2:04

Well... It is breaking bad

aligater10 7

Monday 30 September 2013 2:04

When he wants some tell him "he has a hand, ******* use it"

gary3768 13

Monday 30 September 2013 2:04

Hell record it and take care of business lol

Stazza11 27

Monday 30 September 2013 2:04

I don't think OP's other half is getting laid for a while now.

daboar 5

Monday 30 September 2013 2:04

Well it's the breaking bad finale, but he could have recorded it, it's just a tv show after all

CanadiAnM8 24

Monday 30 September 2013 3:41

BREAKING BAD IS MORE THEN A TV SHOW. IT'S LEGEN... wait for it and I hope you're not lactose intolerant because this next part is DARY.

JennaNGood 21

Monday 30 September 2013 2:05

I literally JUST got a torrent of a show seven minutes after it aired. And honestly if it's THAT big of a deal, I'm surprised he even has a girlfriend.

Thizzkidsgotgame 7

Monday 30 September 2013 2:08

What the **** do you need him for?

martin8337 35

Monday 30 September 2013 2:09

You could have gone over there after Breaking Bad to have some fun. .

Enslaved 36

Monday 30 September 2013 3:47

Butt still bring the *****. . . for him!

Parkour_rocks 20

Monday 30 September 2013 8:56

Uhhh what now?

drshn 22

Monday 30 September 2013 2:12

dump that jerk and get a new one... you deserve better... Now I would never say that any day

olpally 32

Monday 30 September 2013 2:15

He can DVR that stupid shit... What an ass.

CanadiAnM8 24

Monday 30 September 2013 3:43

BREAKING BAD IS NOT STUPID SHIT. HELLLLL NO. BITCH. MR OLPALLY!

olpally 32

Monday 30 September 2013 4:17

LOUD NOISES!!! Yeah, I'm sick and tired of hearing about it on my Facebook news feed and at work and now here. Don't have time for that, give me NFL Sunday instead.

Waredo_Dyrge 11

Monday 30 September 2013 5:58

Football is a ******* snorefest compared to Breaking Bad. What a boring person you must be.

olpally 32

Monday 30 September 2013 6:30

I'm sorry, when did the NFL become worse than "breaking bad" tv wise? can you bet money on breaking bad? Don't think so.

squidgy787 22

Monday 30 September 2013 7:31

Actually you can. I did. :-)

Nyx_fml 23

Monday 30 September 2013 8:45

Wait, wait, wait. You're tired of hearing about Breaking Bad on Facebook, at work and on FML, so you go to the comment section of a Breaking Bad FML instead of just skipping it? Genius!

buckeyed 20

Monday 30 September 2013 14:11

i love breaking bad and football. theyre not even close to the same thing. but just because youre sick of hearing it doesnt make it crap, and its over now anyway.