Intimacy: Today, I sent my boyfriend a well thought out, steamy, and sexy...

By rileycrash - 20/05/2011 02:08 - United States

Today, I sent my boyfriend a well thought out, steamy, and sexy sext message. His reply? "Three bidders for my drums on eBay! Makiiin' Monaaaay!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 771

You deserved it 6 908

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Same thing different taste

By yup - 05/06/2011 07:23 - United States

Today, I thought it would be hot if I sent my boyfriend kinky message. He didn't reply so I sent a few more. 10 minutes later I got a reply saying, "Honey, this is his mom and you should be a little less desperate." FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 205

You deserved it 57 249

Remote sex

By Anonymous - 05/02/2020 05:00 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, I thought it would be fun to have a sex session with my boyfriend. I sent him a suggestive message, and 30 minutes later he texted me back to let me know he was done. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 379

You deserved it 353

Is it getting hot in here or is it just me?

By Anonymous - 23/08/2023 15:00 - United States

Today, I sent my fuckbuddy a sexy message about what I wanted to do in bed with him next time we meet. He responded with, "oki doki". FML

I agree, your life sucks 274

You deserved it 469

By Username - 15/06/2011 01:17 - United Kingdom

Today, I was unbelievably horny so I sent a kinky text message to a boy I really like, only to receive the reply, "Not tonight, I'm raging Minecraft, having a wank, and going to sleep. Try again tomorrow." FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 388

You deserved it 15 738

By McKenna - 16/07/2011 04:10 - United States

Today, I was sending my boyfriend dirty texts to try and turn him on so when I see him the next day he will want to get intimate. Twenty minutes later he texts back, "ew stop." FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 375

You deserved it 17 912

By princess - 17/03/2009 05:06 - Canada

Today, I texted my boyfriend of 6 months saying that I was in the mood, and that I was in bed, and naked. He texted back saying "U got fingers, use them, im going to bed xoxo". FML

I agree, your life sucks 151 962

You deserved it 40 648

It's the thought that counts

By come on man - 29/11/2014 17:03 - United States - Sunnyvale

Today, I sent my boyfriend a dirty picture to turn him on. He texted back: "Jfc, why wud u tease me like that?? Srsly fuck off". FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 502

You deserved it 7 444

Bad timing

By i'm not psychic, mother fucker - 02/06/2013 20:48 - Sweden - Uppsala

Today, I got a text message while driving home. I checked after arriving, and found it was a kinky text from my boyfriend, so I sent him an even kinkier reply. He later raged at me, because I somehow should have known he was showing off his phone to his mom when I sent my reply. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 676

You deserved it 6 641

By Rejection - 04/05/2010 07:33 - France

Today, I sent my boyfriend a naughty pic. I then asked him if there was anything else he wanted before I got dressed. His reply? "No it's fine." FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 018

You deserved it 15 645

Talk sexy to me

By fed up/turned off - 02/10/2013 05:47 - United States - Fresno

Today, I tried turning on my boyfriend by sending him naughty pictures and texts, describing in detail all the things I was going to do to him when we have the house to ourselves this weekend. He responded by quoting that crappy movie 'The Room', saying, "Oh hi doggie!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 563

You deserved it 6 798

hellohottie69 0

Friday 20 May 2011 8:51

maybe he didn't see your message

LolaD18 1

Friday 20 May 2011 8:52

Maybe drum, eBay and monaaaayyyy are all synonyms for something else? :D

Comments

egamage 0

Friday 20 May 2011 9:00

maybe your message wasn't as well thought out as you thought

KagamineLen_fml 0

Friday 20 May 2011 9:01

lol I voted no on this one XD

NYC_Yoshi 3

Friday 20 May 2011 10:25

what is your pic from?

imcutefml 0

Friday 20 May 2011 15:34

looks like naruto...

qasimahsan93 4

Friday 20 May 2011 9:02

In his defense, he was makiiin' monaaaay.

txgirl2013 14

Friday 20 May 2011 9:04

he more interested in making money than your money maker...

Qluz 3

Friday 20 May 2011 10:32

okay wow that is the most adorable little thing ive ever seen!

jakehelt13 0

Friday 20 May 2011 13:51

I agree... it looks like a dog at first... but then again, look at those whiskers!

starile 19

Friday 20 May 2011 17:53

Is it a coyote?

markymark1429 8

Saturday 21 May 2011 0:33

I thought it might have been a baby fox

txgirl2013 14

Saturday 21 May 2011 1:48

it's a fennec fox

mrbattleman 10

Friday 20 May 2011 9:05

I for one would love to have that as a reply to a sexy text

marmots 0

Friday 20 May 2011 9:06

He's probably just pre-occupied. Don't worry, you can be sexy and steamy with him in real life :)

TheMonica 0

Friday 20 May 2011 9:08

Apparently, monaaaay > sex in your boyfriends mind. Whether this is a good or bad thing has yet to be seen...

mightymart 5

Friday 20 May 2011 9:10

stop playing with his stick for a while and he'll forget about his drum pretty damn quick

mrahhhhh 21

Friday 20 May 2011 9:19

Money Money Money.... MONEY!

Michigan_Girl 0

Friday 20 May 2011 9:21

Men and their toys LOL

lucas755 1

Friday 20 May 2011 12:48

Monaaayy is a toy?

xtacticalswarmx 0

Friday 20 May 2011 13:29

Yes, you can stack it, fold it into origami, and make paper airplanes!

instnt1nfction 17

Friday 20 May 2011 13:36

WEEEEEEEEEEEE I like money

LuxAeterna_fml 0

Friday 20 May 2011 16:54

Drum is the toy.

Keywords

Awkward Miscellaneous Embarrassing Work Sleep Dating Love Annoying Am I overreacting? Parents Health Mental health Furniture Kids Gross Friends Public freakouts Fight Cops Drugs Neighbours Medication Relatable Teenagers Dogs Animals Gamers Ironic Video games Job interview

The Top

Today, my husband decided to flash me while I was on a video call, so my clients announced they would only work with professionals, and ended the call. I was giving a virtual showing of a £1.2 million house they were thinking of buying. At 6% commission, my husband's junk just cost us £72,000. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 406

You deserved it 276

Today, at the movies, some asswipe kept throwing candy at me. After 20 minutes of it, I got up and went over to get him to stop. Good news: his balls vanished faster than a politician's spine immediately after being elected. Bad news: I got kicked out for "starting a disturbance". FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 341

You deserved it 3 784

The Top

Today, I called the cops on my elderly neighbor for blaring loud war music yet again. They chatted and laughed with him on his lawn for a good half hour. As they left, he slapped the female officer's ass, only for her to just giggle about it. After they drove off, he fired up his music again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 188

You deserved it 2 656

Today, I told my coworkers that I was going on a date tonight so they would think I have a social life. One of them spotted me while I was eating alone at McDonalds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 063

You deserved it 30 516

Today, my four-year-old daughter started screaming and lashing out at me as I was getting her ready for a bath. It seems my idiot husband told her she was still small enough to be feasted on by the "drain monster". FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 293

You deserved it 2 647

Today, my ex of 5 years began dating the girl he told me was, “One of the guys”, “Don’t worry, she’s like a sister to me” and, “I would never see her that way.” We broke up a couple of days ago because my “paranoia” and “assumptions” about her were putting a “strain” on our relationship. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 294

You deserved it 155

Today, my boss was fired by the board. A few days ago, he dropped several strong hints that he was going to promote me soon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 445

You deserved it 3 522

Today, I realized I can't afford to break up with my boyfriend of 2 years, as we split the rent. I'll need a second job just to get out of my bad relationship. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 419

You deserved it 8 303