Miscellaneous: Today, I took Ambien for the first time. Not only did I not fall...

By tammyg - 11/02/2010 18:42 - United States

Today, I took Ambien for the first time. Not only did I not fall asleep, but I took my mother through a list of all the men I've slept with. I do not remember a thing, but apparently I was very thorough. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 470

You deserved it 6 284

Thanksgiving: Turkeys and Skids
Family meals that turn absurd, because Thanksgiving is also about laughing at little disasters. More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

By OutOfMyMind - 22/10/2013 00:12 - United States - Port Richey

Today, I tried Ambien for the first time. I now have to apologize to most of my exes for excessively rambling emails about getting together for some naked Twister. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 877

You deserved it 12 060

Ambien nights

By Sleepless Dreams - 29/11/2016 04:42 - Canada - Toronto

Today, my roommates told me about all the stupid and embarrassing things I did last night, none of which I remember. Drunk out of my mind? No, I just tried a new sleeping pill after weeks of insomnia. I still barely slept. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 140

You deserved it 703

By anyoi - 25/04/2012 22:43 - United States - Rocklin

Today, I took my boyfriend to meet my parents over dinner. During the meal, he excused himself to the bathroom, and when he didn't come back after a few minutes, I went to check up on him. I ended up finding him in the living room, pocketing a pack of ambien from my mom's bag. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 320

You deserved it 3 438

The truth

By xXxtwilightLUV95xXx - 08/03/2010 15:14 - United States

Today, I woke up to the most awkward breakfast of my life. Apparently, last night after taking my sleeping pill, I went into my mom's room and started spilling secrets left and right. Secrets about my current crush, the people I've hooked up with, and how when I say I'm going over to my friend Beth's house, I'm really seeing a guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 449

You deserved it 34 808

By Anonymous - 22/12/2010 22:23 - United States

Today, my mother took a bunch of sleeping pills, then went driving. I followed her and dialed 911. Now she thinks that I was "trying to get her arrested," and she refuses to talk to me ever again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 156

You deserved it 4 855

By Anonymous - 29/12/2009 18:52 - Canada

Today, my mom informed me that she saw me sleepwalking last night. I didn't think much of it, until I remembered that I went to bed without any clothes on last night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 572

You deserved it 6 879

By Wet dreamer - 17/01/2018 19:00

Today, I slept in my boyfriend's room for the first time. I also wet the bed for the first time in a decade. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 936

You deserved it 778

Don't do drugs, kids

By Anonymous - 08/11/2013 17:43 - United States - Omaha

Today, I've been awake for nearly three days due to homework and my mom's wedding preparations, so I took some Adderall to keep me awake at school. I took too much, totally zoned out in class, became hopelessly fascinated by my own hand, and was accused of doing drugs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 767

You deserved it 22 447

ur mom gay

By Anonymous - 02/05/2018 01:30

Today, I pretended to be asleep when my mom and her best friend came home because I was tired as hell and I didn't want to be around them. I was then treated to a loud conversation about my mom's first time with a woman through our paper-thin walls. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 311

You deserved it 724

Recipe for disaster

By ApparentlyATerribleDaughter - 12/08/2018 15:00

Today, while I took my dog out, my mother began to cook, took a Xanax, locked the doors, and passed out. When I managed to get in, I called the paramedics because she was in the smoke for at least an hour. When she became conscious, she blamed me for everything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 399

You deserved it 209

KiwiBlam 4

Thursday 11 February 2010 23:34

Calm down everyone, just coz she's slept with more than one guy doesn't mean she's a ****. Don't be jealous just coz she's getting more action than most of you

rache8bab 1

Thursday 11 February 2010 23:15

awesome

Comments

heyheyt 0

Friday 12 February 2010 3:48

hahah thanks ;)

heyheyt 0

Friday 12 February 2010 3:50

well actually angryninja, it isn't currently that time of the month for me, im just a bitch all year round. isn't it great?

Ajjas013 6

Friday 12 February 2010 3:51

Isn't it great that you'll never find a man? Isn't that great?

AngryNinja 1

Friday 12 February 2010 3:54

mm. very great. what's even more great is your failing at replying. now, isn't that super great?

heyheyt 0

Friday 12 February 2010 3:53

it's great that I've had lots of guys

Ajjas013 6

Friday 12 February 2010 3:55

None of them decent. You're probably like OP. *Tries to reference topic to FML*

heyheyt 0

Friday 12 February 2010 3:55

are you sure your not the one wearing the tampon?

Sirin_fml 46

Friday 12 February 2010 3:56

Don't look so shocked; I'm putting the finishing touches on my own hatemail, Ajjas >_>

Ajjas013 6

Friday 12 February 2010 3:57

You wouldn't do that! *Reassures self by whispering*

heyheyt 0

Friday 12 February 2010 3:57

maybe I am like the op, guess you'll never know

Ajjas013 6

Friday 12 February 2010 3:59

Can you not see the reply button? Ugh forget this. I'm not gonna bother. If you're anything like OP, then YDI. All of it. YDI. *Exits*

heyheyt 0

Friday 12 February 2010 4:01

so your just gonna walk away?

AngryNinja 1

Friday 12 February 2010 4:02

damn. he told you. ^.^

Ajjas013 6

Friday 12 February 2010 4:03

Yeah I'm gonna walk away. I don't need to waste my time with an ignorant bitch who thinks I'M the annoying one. Was I trollin'?

heyheyt 0

Friday 12 February 2010 4:03

hah good. wonder if it made himself feel good. don't ya?

Ajjas013 6

Friday 12 February 2010 4:05

Is this in third person? I can't seem to find who you're talking to. Made himself feel good. Don't ya? Are you retarded and/or over the age of 65?

heyheyt 0

Friday 12 February 2010 4:06

and I don't need to spend my time on someone who thinks he's the shit :/

Ajjas013 6

Friday 12 February 2010 4:09

Don't, nobody's asking you to ^_^

heyheyt 0

Friday 12 February 2010 4:09

just shut up already

Ajjas013 6

Friday 12 February 2010 4:13

That's what it looks like when someone wins. Just in case you never experience that.

heyheyt 0

Friday 12 February 2010 4:17

and just in case you never get a girl, I'm sure angryninja will be there. wouldn't that be fun?

AngryNinja 1

Friday 12 February 2010 4:19

i'm rather proud. she found the reply button! whoever asked me if i'm the one wearing a tampon, i am. i've had offers to change it for me. though i don't /wear/ them.. but whatever. and if you're hinting at my bitchyness, it's year-round, though not every single minute, like some people.

heyheyt 0

Friday 12 February 2010 4:23

umm you don't wear tampons? and maybe I'm so bitchy because of certain people...

AngryNinja 1

Friday 12 February 2010 4:27

no.. tampons aren't clothing.. and maybe if you learned how to take a joke, you wouldn't have to be bitchy. funny how one little pimp comment gets you all pissy. hm.

heyheyt 0

Friday 12 February 2010 4:30

I do get how to take a joke and it's not my fault that certain things piss me off

babybubz 0

Friday 12 February 2010 4:35



AngryNinja 1

Friday 12 February 2010 4:39

obviously you don't. you called him annoying. he and i are friends, so i jokingly called him my pimp. it didn't bother him. unless you have a for reals pimp or your mom was abused by a pimp, you have no reason to become offended and insult (failingly) ajjas and i. savvy?