Kids: Today, I was explaining to my son that porn isn't a realistic... - FML

By sorry, kiddo - 30/06/2013 21:44 - Belgium - Brussels

Spicy

Today, I was explaining to my son that porn isn't a realistic depiction of sex. Just as I finished explaining to him that threesomes rarely happen in real life, he started crying. I feel like a dream-crushing monster. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 466

You deserved it 10 189

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Same thing different taste

The birds and the bees

By Anonymous - 23/08/2023 09:00 - United Kingdom - Nottingham

Spicy

Today, I caught my young son watching porn so, not wanting to give him a warped view of sex and love, I was giving him the proper sex talk when my religious mother walked in, realised what we were talking about, and started screaming about sin and hell and diseases, and he ran off crying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 686

You deserved it 105

By anonymousyo - 24/04/2015 22:04 - United States - Vacaville

Today, I found my son's porn. I would sit him down for a talk, but the genres were so disturbing that I'm afraid to even ask about it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 162

You deserved it 4 233

Words are hard

By Anonymous - 27/01/2013 18:50 - United States - Temperance

Spicy

Today, I had to slowly explain to my son that an "analogy" is a literary device, not a genre of porn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 895

You deserved it 3 491

By Anonymous - 19/01/2015 14:34 - United States - Lewiston

Today, I sat my son down for the sex talk. By the time it was over, he'd corrected me on several factual errors and told me what felching is. Now I remember why I never wanted kids. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 681

You deserved it 7 565

By Anonymous - 08/06/2013 10:34 - United States - Bessemer

Spicy

Today, after discovering that our son is already sexually active, I asked my husband to have a talk with him. "Remember, son, it's all about the clit", wasn't what I had in mind. FML

I agree, your life sucks 67 538

You deserved it 15 220

Protips from Dad

By Anonymous - 08/01/2023 15:00

Spicy

Today, my son asked his mom about sex, so she talked about love, marriage, God, affection and all that bollocks, missing the point that he wanted to know about having good sex since he has a girlfriend now, so I explained all the wet, squishy practical bits of sex. Now my wife is mad at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 537

You deserved it 1 253

By CallaC - 15/03/2012 02:01 - Canada

Today, my dad sat me down for the sex talk. Almost before he could open his mouth, my mother popped her head into the room and said, "Be realistic, Dan. Who would want to sleep with that?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 505

You deserved it 2 898

Sex Ed is broken

By asnolt - 24/05/2011 22:29 - United States

Spicy

Today, I had to explain to my sobbing teenage daughter why you can't get pregnant from masturbating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 713

You deserved it 9 376

Prissy

By Anonymous - 29/07/2009 16:46 - United States

Spicy

Today, my wife found out my son masturbated and wanted to send him to counseling. Thinking she was overreacting, I told her I masturbated when I was a teen so he should turn out like me. She began sobbing uncontrollably. FML

I agree, your life sucks 68 582

You deserved it 7 282

By cahsecuel - 14/08/2014 20:44 - France - Grisolles

Spicy

Today, I asked my 10-year-old son what he wants to be when he grows up. He smiled broadly and said "A porn star!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 653

You deserved it 7 137

Next

Top comments

relaxedninja 18

Monday 1 July 2013 1:56

What do you mean they rarely happen!!??! D:

ballettillidie 8

Monday 1 July 2013 1:58

They rarely happen in YOUR world...

Comments

sugarbaby9908 20

Monday 1 July 2013 19:34

At least he has high hopes

Omniprism 14

Monday 1 July 2013 19:54

Don't feel bad. He needs to know so he doesn't put unrealistic expectations on a girl and creating problems in his relationships.

AshAsh014 4

Monday 1 July 2013 22:57

Why were you talking to your son about that in the firat place...

LissaMccracken 23

Monday 1 July 2013 23:31

Yes, because its weird for a parent to give their child the sex talk. He probably walked in on him watching ****

QueenOrangeSoda 21

Wednesday 3 July 2013 17:56

Because it's crucial for teens to know. It regards establishing a healthy, realistic view of sex and what to expect, and goes right along with the safe sex talk.

NotSoPerfecTgirl 10

Monday 1 July 2013 23:03

False!! I'm a girl. I live with my boyfriend and girlfriend. We are a faithful poly traid, and we have 3somes DAILY. :)

LissaMccracken 23

Monday 1 July 2013 23:32

He didn't say they never happen, he said rarely, and I have a feeling you posted this comment for attention.

QueenOrangeSoda 21

Thursday 11 July 2013 1:54

Exactly. And the fact that you mentioned your (irrelevant) gender just proves it more.

mld4657 28

Tuesday 2 July 2013 2:16

Umm maybe in your life they rarely happen but they happen in my life.. And I'm even married :-P

kalbrek009 20

Tuesday 2 July 2013 5:59

The fact that he started crying tells me that he is not only (probably) too young to be watching **** (much less having sex) but he's also not mature enough mentally/emotionally to be attempting such things.

Phsycodude12 0

Thursday 4 July 2013 1:14

They happen a lot I have had three. Though now I have 2 kids. Different moms.

mparrish397 0

Thursday 4 July 2013 2:22

I just had one last night... Lol

nevaeh_dewdrop 12

Friday 12 July 2013 18:35

how old is ur son?

ohnobitch 8

Sunday 14 July 2013 18:16

Jeezus luweezus how old is this kid

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The Top

Today, I went to a party 40 minutes away by bus with some friends. We missed the bus, waited half an hour for the second, and arrived just in time to hear the policemen say, "Party's over. Get outta here." FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 193

You deserved it 8 078

Today, the office I work at put up a "No Masturbating at Desks" sign. I'm disappointed by this, not because I usually whack off at my desk, but because enough people do that there needs to be a sign against it. FML

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The Top

Today, I'm officially stumped as to whether my mom has early-onset dementia, or if she just has plain bad memory. I've considered having her get tested, but I shudder to think that the person who brought me into this world won't recognize me in about two years if I'm right. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 054

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Today, I was watching a kid at school walk like a gangster. My teacher was standing there, so I stood behind the kid and walked like him, laughing to myself, at which point my teacher took me to one side and told me the kid was handicapped. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 607

You deserved it 59 596

Today, my boyfriend of nearly six months broke up with me. Over text. In a group chat. With the new girl he wanted to date. FML

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You deserved it 745

Today, at work, an old lady dropped her lipstick into the ladies' room toilet, which is out of order and won't flush. I had to reach in and pull it out amid human waste. She thanked me, then uncapped it, and put some on her lips. FML

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You deserved it 84

Today, I almost got married. After the elaborate and very expensive wedding, my "husband" decided he did not want to sign the marriage license because he wasn't sure if he really wanted to settle down after all. FML

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You deserved it 3 519

Today, my coworker, who is constantly singing "Baby Shark," wanted to take selfie for her Instagram account. She moved all the junk from her desk to mine, so her desk would look great in the picture. FML

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You deserved it 241