Intimacy: Today, I was giving my boyfriend head. As I was beginning to...

FML for mobile
Free

By scubai - 14/01/2010 20:36 - United States

Today, I was giving my boyfriend head. As I was beginning to enjoy and really get into it, I heard him say, "Oh my god, this is good shit." I looked up sexily, only to find that he was eating a Twinkie. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 610

You deserved it 5 741

May Day: Lily of the Valley and Misunderstandings
When lilies of the valley bring good luck... or not! Discover the stories behind every little bell! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

Dirty talk

By Username - 24/02/2010 15:06

Today, as I was in the middle of giving my boyfriend head, he looked at me and said "Eat that cockmeat sandwich." He seriously thought it was a turn on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 795

You deserved it 4 772

Ouch

By Anonymous - 14/12/2011 23:12 - United States

Today, I was giving my boyfriend a blow job. I thought it was going great and I was doing a good job, until he told me to "stop chomping on it like it's a hot dog." FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 656

You deserved it 29 392

By esb - 13/08/2009 15:23 - Canada

Today, I finally had sex with this great guy I've been seeing. I thought I'd found a catch. We get into his room, start kissing, and things heat up. Everything is perfect until he reaches under his bed, pulls out a doughnut and shoves it into my mouth, snarling, "eat it, eat it!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 74 908

You deserved it 8 340

By jessica - 02/02/2011 20:59 - United States

Today, while my boyfriend and I were having sex, he stopped, got off, walked into the kitchen grabbed a doughnut, and came back to finish while he ate it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 372

You deserved it 7 468

By dom - 08/09/2010 06:53 - United States

Today, my boyfriend yawned while I was giving him head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 331

You deserved it 33 879

By anonymous - 04/11/2014 12:03 - Canada - North Vancouver

Today, I was giving my boyfriend a blowjob. I was laying in between his legs because it's just more comfortable. I looked down, and he had pieces of toilet paper sticking out of his butt cheeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 255

You deserved it 8 507

By Anonymous - 12/02/2012 04:52 - United States

Today, I was giving my boyfriend head. Soon, I noticed he was being very quiet. When I looked up, he was in a deep sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 233

You deserved it 8 495

Say yes

By fuckingdonuts - 18/05/2015 02:54 - United States - Edmond

Today, my boyfriend stopped in the middle of sex to ask if I wanted to get donuts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 079

You deserved it 5 186

By Porkchop05 - 06/09/2009 05:44 - Canada

Today, trying to be sexy I was sucking on my boyfriends fingers. I was really starting to turn him on, when I noticed something crunchy in my mouth. Turns out, he went digging for treasure up his nose earlier. I found the treasure in my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 027

You deserved it 14 744

By Anonymous - 13/01/2011 21:10 - Lebanon

Today, I was having sex with my fiancé when he stopped and said, "Boy, what I wouldn't give for a burger right now." FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 403

You deserved it 5 003

CitizenSnipz 0

Thursday 14 January 2010 23:48

Both of you were eating a delicious snack filled with cream. He was just seeing how it was for you!

doctorr_fml 9

Thursday 14 January 2010 23:44

that blows

Comments

gobbledegook 0

Thursday 14 January 2010 23:53

lol

Ilovelife07 0

Thursday 14 January 2010 23:55

did you continue to get your own cream filling?

Dawkrida 0

Thursday 14 January 2010 23:56

hahahahahahahaha classic

douchbaggins 0

Thursday 14 January 2010 23:57

Oh man! I wish I was your boyfriend at that moment...............I love twinkies.

NIRVANAfan123 0

Friday 15 January 2010 0:00

Might this twinkie be another mans dick?

fmlsoobad 0

Sunday 17 October 2010 6:05

u made my day

vanilla2u 5

Friday 7 January 2011 5:56

my name is actually nirvana!

shugacane 0

Friday 15 January 2010 0:00

LOL; guess your heading skills aren't so good

srd3 0

Friday 15 January 2010 0:00

would be better with cod

perdix 29

Friday 15 January 2010 0:03

I'd be a little concerned. Panic if he starts to teabag himself with those big pink Sno-Balls when you are sucking his happy sacks.

musicislife11 0

Saturday 16 January 2010 2:29

Douchebag calling them "happy sacks"

Laxloverr24 0

Friday 15 January 2010 0:05

Don't blame the power of the Twinkie.

silverstein 0

Friday 15 January 2010 0:05

You can give me head I don't like twinkies >:)

derangedplanet 23

Tuesday 1 September 2015 17:04

I laughed a little too hard at this. I feel awful for laughing, and you're the one who wrote it.

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Miscellaneous Money Annoying Friends Shopping Awkward Embarrassing Love Dance Birthday Surprise Relatable Food Instagram Social Media Animals Dogs Cute Technology Work Intimacy Kids Sex Relationship advice Roommate Allergies Pranks Cats Parents Thief

The Top

Today, my girlfriend told me she's pregnant and I did not take it well. She had planned to record my happy reaction for Facebook; instead she got video of me bursting into tears, and trying to talk her into an emergency abortion. She sent it to my parents to punish me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 565

You deserved it 1 178

Today, I cheated at card games to let my boyfriend win. I did it because I don't like him to throw the cards at me when I win. Now he just thinks I'm "so slow a turtle could kick my ass" and that he has "a cute little bubbly spud-brained girlfriend." FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 298

You deserved it 37 629

The Top

Today, I got dragged to a wedding where I knew no-one. It went on for hours, I got so hungry. We get to the meal, my wife had forgotten to order a vegetarian meal for me. I couldn't eat the main meal, due to allergies and no alternative. I then spent two more hours just waiting to go home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 136

You deserved it 301

Today, I went to my new dentist to get my teeth cleaned. He kept getting distracted, causing him to repeatedly stab me in the gums. He then had the nerve to tell me that I need to brush more, due to how I was bleeding just from his "routine examination". FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 161

You deserved it 1 735

Today, my sister gave me a makeover. I protested, but she insisted it'd look great. After an eternity of eyebrow plucking, she handed me the mirror. I now have extremely badly-drawn sharpie eyebrows. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 961

You deserved it 6 395

Today, on the advice of a girl from sales, I sent a company-wide email with the subject line, "FOR SALE - 2010 Toyota Camry." I realized the social faux pas a minute later when my department head replied-to-all, "FOR SALE - half eaten sandwich." Now everyone thinks I’m a dumbass for confusing company emails for Craigslist, and for believing anyone who works in sales. FML

I agree, your life sucks 92

You deserved it 529

Today, I haven't had any real sleep in 4 days because I am an insomniac. My father is also an insomniac but he takes Ambien to get his rest. Me? I'm stuck staring at the ceiling for hours because he won't let me take any kind of medication, because he doesn't want me "getting addicted." FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 677

You deserved it 3 628

Today, drunk at a party, I leaned through a window to throw up. I was outside. FML

I agree, your life sucks 348

You deserved it 218

Same thing different taste

Dirty talk

Ouch

Say yes

Top comments

Comments