Love: Today, I was hit on by a guy who decided to use the line, "My...

By luckygirl - 14/12/2009 09:05 - United States

Today, I was hit on by a guy who decided to use the line, "My love for you is like diarrhea, I just can't hold it in." FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 985

You deserved it 4 525

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 10/05/2014 13:00 - United States

Today, a guy drunkenly professed his love for me. He did this after walking in on me peeing, which he decided was the time to tell me such a thing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 987

You deserved it 3 774

Classy

By embaressed - 19/12/2009 09:44 - United States

Today, I was standing outside a store about to flirt with this guy when my mother drove up and shouted, "Hurry up, I have diarrhea!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 845

You deserved it 3 087

By Anonymous - 31/01/2017 16:00 - United States - Rochester

Today, as I listened to the guy I've been seeing pour his heart out to me, all I could think about was how much I needed to poop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 729

You deserved it 1 542

By public pooper - 25/04/2013 00:16 - United States

Today, I was hanging out with a guy I really like. I let him use my phone, forgetting about the messages I'd sent about the consistency of my bowel movements. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 398

You deserved it 15 240

By Anon - 04/08/2011 08:30 - United States

Today, the guy I've had the biggest crush on came to my house to pick me up for our first date. As we were leaving, my father screams out "Do you still have diarrhea?" I don't have diarrhea. My dad thinks he's so funny. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 048

You deserved it 4 128

My body hates me

By HappilyNeverAfter - 18/09/2014 03:14 - Canada - Port Perry

Today, a guy asked me out, and I felt butterflies in my stomach. I soon realized that it wasn't butterflies, but an unexpected bowel movement. I stood there awkwardly, looking him in the eyes, then farted hard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 846

You deserved it 5 284

By arse of fire :( - 23/02/2013 00:31 - United Kingdom - Slough

Today, I was struck down with horrible diarrhea. With barely any toilet paper left, I texted my husband to buy some more and rush home. He replied, "Sorry babe, getting shitfaced with the lads. Get it? 'Shitfaced'. LOL!" and stopped replying to my desperate pleas. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 129

You deserved it 3 895

By ECullen - 21/05/2009 19:13 - United States

Today, I was talking to this guy that I like a lot and I think he likes me back. When he told me I was beautiful I laughed so hard that I farted. Loudly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 730

You deserved it 24 975

By socially awkward cupcake - 16/02/2017 15:52

Today, a guy I like tried to talk to me. I got so nervous that I had a panic attack and puked in front of him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 743

You deserved it 400

Best time

By Username - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - France

Today, my boss told me that I'd confessed my love to him last night when he'd held my hair back as I puked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 892

You deserved it 35 444

Indiana_fml 4

Monday 14 December 2009 16:05

At least that's a line which will never be overused.

SSC_fml 0

Monday 14 December 2009 16:07

Hey, it's original, props to the person who said it :)

Comments

tavs02 6

Saturday 1 October 2011 6:01

LMAO what an original pickup line.

insidejokeswithm 0

Saturday 22 October 2011 3:27

I would have been honored.

IntoTheClouds 42

Saturday 5 November 2011 19:51

Charming.

BriaTrinetta 0

Tuesday 27 December 2011 22:27

That line is the title of a story on Wattpad by Aritziadoll. So at least he reads.

fuzzybear14 0

Monday 23 January 2012 16:58

lovely

kellandj2019 7

Wednesday 11 July 2012 14:03

That is sooo old :D

maverick1752 16

Tuesday 14 August 2012 6:10

someones been listening to weird al lately

MommaSchmidt 14

Friday 28 June 2013 1:14

normally I love "punny" pick up lines because they make me giggle but that's just sad, or gross, or both

meggan5320 1

Monday 26 May 2014 19:51

keep him!

Comoke1024 19

Friday 8 May 2015 21:25

That's when you say "I'm constipated. Couldn't give a shit."

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I agree, your life sucks 76 129

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Same thing different taste

Classy

My body hates me

Best time

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