Health: Today, I was online looking up ways to lose weight, get thinner...

By Fattymuch - 14/09/2011 14:27 - India

Today, I was online looking up ways to lose weight, get thinner and be healthier, all the while eating a slab of brownie that was half the size of my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 966

You deserved it 51 984

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Same thing different taste

Coach Class

By GetFuzzy - 18/10/2019 12:00

Today, I was on the phone with my diet coach. I was telling her how I lost 3 pounds this week. I was saying this while eating a bag of chips, a beer in my hand and cooking a 3-meat pizza. FML

I agree, your life sucks 463

You deserved it 2 057

Mixed signals

By Anonymous - 04/11/2021 19:59 - New Zealand - Nelson

Today, I got told I was too fat and needed to stop eating, because I need to lose weight. I was then given a full plate of food and had to eat it all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 898

You deserved it 151

Overthinking it

By omgreally91 - 12/10/2011 23:39 - United States

Today, I spent an hour photoshopping my face onto super skinny models as inspiration for a diet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 576

You deserved it 30 369

By daydreamer - 29/07/2012 05:12 - United States - Wilton

Today, I began to daydream about going on a diet and losing some weight. As I did so, I unknowingly reached for a giant bag of chips and ate the whole thing. Now, I have stopped daydreaming and am sitting alone and depressed. And I'm all out of chips. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 169

You deserved it 29 301

Healthy mind in a healthy body

By Anonymous - 04/08/2021 12:59 - Brazil - Niter?i

Today, I started a diet to lose the 20lbs I put on during quarantine. It was also the day my body decided the diminished food intake means I'm trying to starve it to death, and must be punished with a horrible migraine. That's what I get for trying to be healthier. FML

I agree, your life sucks 752

You deserved it 223

By nick - 12/05/2010 09:49 - United Kingdom

Today, I decided to go on a diet to lose some weight before summer. This was followed by the arrival of a giant parcel full of candy from my mother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 277

You deserved it 5 993

By scorned ex - 17/10/2015 03:29

Today, my ex-boyfriend sent me an email that read, "How to lose 25lbs". I was eating a large slice of pie when I opened the email. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 427

You deserved it 7 811

Don't attempt this

By jammy - 25/06/2024 07:00 - United States

Today, after I completely starved myself for a week and exercised every day in an attempt to lose weight, I instead gained 5 pounds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 370

You deserved it 263

The body keeps the score

By Dominik - 11/11/2022 10:00 - Netherlands

Today, I ate 30 chocolate pocket brownies, two caramel chocolates, two Budweisers. All of that while on my breaks at work. I'm a guy and I'm worried about getting diabetes while i'm actually craving more chocolate and sugar treats, my body is getting weaker, I'm getting dumber, fatter, and slower as we speak. FML

I agree, your life sucks 285

You deserved it 1 194

By mattlikesfunions - 18/07/2016 18:56 - United States - Federal Way

Today, I told my parents that I was going on a diet to lose weight and I wanted their support. They brought home donuts and pizza for dinner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 747

You deserved it 1 236

NomOnShroomz 14

Wednesday 14 September 2011 18:56

Omnomnom don't fight it, brownies are amazing.

candicurl 9

Wednesday 14 September 2011 19:03

Looks like that diet * puts on sunglasses* will have to weight. YEAAAAAHHHHHHH

Comments

shrimp1234 4

Thursday 15 September 2011 4:22

You sir are a dick

seraphxchild 3

Thursday 15 September 2011 4:25

I think I've found your problem

jollyjolls 1

Thursday 15 September 2011 4:50

heres an extremely easy way to lose weight. i lost 45 lbs in 90 days without working out! http://jamesjolicoeur.bodybyvi.com

tc34 1

Thursday 15 September 2011 4:54

Wooooowwwwwwwww

B00mshakalaka 2

Thursday 15 September 2011 5:00

I lost 60 lbs so far just by running. :P

Mxpxdude189 0

Thursday 15 September 2011 5:05

You, my non-friend, are an idiot.

gnick424 3

Thursday 15 September 2011 5:14

Ur heads not that big rite?

sklorange 5

Thursday 15 September 2011 9:26

Small head?

wriptidez 0

Thursday 15 September 2011 9:31

celery?

megaaann_fml 9

Thursday 15 September 2011 10:00

You know, there is one foolproof way to get healthy. It's called EXERCISING AND EATING WELL. You should try it sometime.

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The Top

Today, while driving home, I looked in the rear-view mirror and saw that my three-year-old daughter had managed to get out of her seat and had crawled to the back window. I pulled over and strapped her in again. Five minutes later she was back at the window. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 219

You deserved it 5 961

Today, I was called by my son's school. They said he'd been forging my signature and comments in his reading book. He didn't forge them. I don't know what's worse: my handwriting looking like a 6 year-old's, or being too cowardly to admit it. He has a week of lunch detention, but I still have my dignity. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 391

You deserved it 115 808

The Top

Today, I got pulled over heading home from college. My car was full of my stuff from moving out, and I couldn't reach the glove box. I told the cop this, and asked if he wanted me to go around to the passenger side to get my paperwork. He agreed. When I got out of the car, he pepper sprayed me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 531

You deserved it 185

Today, I got to listen to my younger brother have sex with a girl while I sat in my room playing World of Warcraft on a Friday night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 924

You deserved it 44 392

Today, I went into a small coffee shop. In line, a guy came up to me and was like, "I haven't seen you here before, are you new in town?" and I replied with, "Oh, no I've lived here for years. The coffee here is crap, though, so I only come here when Starbucks is full." He's the owner of the shop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 330

You deserved it 76 760

Today, I went to a strip club for the first time ever and was about to enjoy a private dance when the stripper stepped onto my chair, between my legs, to climb up onto platform. Sexy. Unfortunately, she missed the chair and stood on my balls, full weight, without noticing. I didn't 'enjoy' anything after that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 416

You deserved it 356

Today, I beat my extremely competitive friend in a game of pool. He responded by breaking a pool stick over my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 851

You deserved it 6 188

Today, I thought a cute and well-dressed guy, with a mask matching his shoes, was taking a picture of me. Flattered, I approached him. Turns out, he was playing Pokémon Go and was just trying to catch a “Geodude.” He also blurted out that he was gay. He's into dudes and Geodudes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 769

You deserved it 619