Miscellaneous: Today, I was putting the cat outside. He wouldn't go, so I kicked...

By Anonymous - 21/08/2015 08:33 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I was putting the cat outside. He wouldn't go, so I kicked him. Then I woke up to my husband screaming. I’d been dreaming, and the "cat" I kicked was his family jewels. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 689

You deserved it 9 174

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 12/01/2010 07:45 - United States

Today, around 2:00 a.m. I had just sat down on my couch when I noticed one of my cats poking at what appeared to be a toy. I attempted to pick it up to play with the cat when it started to move like a mouse. I squealed like a girl and woke up my wife upstairs. I'm a 26-year-old man. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 231

You deserved it 23 778

Say sorry to Mr Whiskers!

By Anonymous - 10/05/2021 14:01

Today, I awoke to my cat sitting on my chest. That wouldn't be so bad if I hadn't tried to get her off. She promptly went crazy and scratched me. My fiancée, who was sleeping next to me, hit me, called me cruel, and told me to apologize to the cat. I did. FML

I agree, your life sucks 931

You deserved it 328

By Anonymous - 25/03/2012 17:21 - United States - Rocklin

Today, I had a terrible nightmare involving zombies slashing and eating at my face. I woke up in terror and urine, and found the slashing was very real: it was my cat pawing my face for me to feed him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 343

You deserved it 4 375

By injuredwifelady - 23/02/2016 08:23 - United States - Omaha

Today, I was sleeping peacefully with my cat sweetly snuggling my legs under the covers. My husband dutch-ovened her, and she shredded my calves as she rushed to escape. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 842

You deserved it 1 996

Surprise, human!

By Anonymous - 22/04/2024 09:00 - United States

Today, I didn't realize my cat was sleeping in the room with me until she decided to jump on me in the middle of the night, resulting in a critical hit to my groin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 376

You deserved it 100

Revenge will be sweet

By Kitty at my foot - 20/09/2022 13:00 - United States

Today, I accidentally stepped on my cat's paw and she let out a deafening screech of pain. After treating her like a queen for the rest of the day as an apology, I accidentally kicked her in the dark, sending her flying up against the wall. I feel as though I should sleep with one eye open tonight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 855

You deserved it 436

Panic!

By sweetdreams - 18/09/2016 06:39 - United States - New York

Today, I woke up suddenly with giant bugs biting my legs. I screamed, ripped the blanket off the bed and bolted to the bathroom to recover. Turns out it was all a dream, and the person who needed to recover most was my shell-shocked boyfriend who had been sleeping soundly beside me. Sorry, babe. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 780

You deserved it 1 408

By furryballoon - 22/11/2011 04:46 - United States

Today, I had a dream that I was trying to pop a balloon. Nothing I did was working, so I put it between my knees and tried to pop it that way. Immediately, I woke up to the sound of frantic hissing and meowing. As it turns out, I was trying to pop the cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 596

You deserved it 6 877

How dare you

By pissed off - 01/07/2012 01:00

Today, my husband staggered home after a night of drinking. He was too intoxicated to find the toilet so he started to pee in the cat's litter box. Apparently, he was invading her territory and she attacked him. His scream as she bit and scratched him must have woken the whole world. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 501

You deserved it 2 628

By scratchpost - 28/10/2010 12:07 - United States

Today, my cat woke me up by sharpening his claws on my breast. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 927

You deserved it 4 622

vicky_lynnnnn 11

Friday 21 August 2015 20:06

At first I was like "kicked the cat? You deserve it" then I was like "oh" haha

ThatHorse 15

Friday 21 August 2015 20:08

How damn hard did you kick the cat in the dream?! Did you treat it like a football or something?

Comments

raym1900 3

Friday 21 August 2015 20:17

best thing i read all day.

iHappyFeet 11

Friday 21 August 2015 20:18

I felt the kick just from reading this

apineapple 40

Friday 21 August 2015 20:24

We all did #12. We all did...

ImTheAlpha 30

Saturday 22 August 2015 2:26

I did and I don't even have balls

tosdyke 16

Friday 21 August 2015 20:19

must of been a really good cat nap!

thatguy240 27

Friday 21 August 2015 20:26

Why would you kick a real cat anyway?

I_Like_Dogs 28

Friday 21 August 2015 20:32

You can't control your dreams.

Nilorak 24

Friday 21 August 2015 20:58

Actually you can.

NateshN 18

Friday 21 August 2015 21:23

why the downvotes, you really can- it's called "lucid dreaming".

lolbash 18

Saturday 22 August 2015 0:06

But only 15% of he american population do it

hersheykisses511 18

Saturday 22 August 2015 0:12

its really fun. I've trained myself to do it.

BamBAmGG 14

Saturday 22 August 2015 0:57

She's a bitch for thinking it's okay to kick animals.

I_Like_Dogs 28

Saturday 22 August 2015 1:34

Well, someone should have warned me. I would save me from unconsciously doing a lot of stupid things, like climbing to the top of a building and swimming with cows.

brand125 17

Saturday 22 August 2015 23:46

56 - you dont know she thinks its okay to kick animals, so youre a bitch for calling her a bitch... dreams can be completly random and not a reflection of how someone is in real life. aparently people get judged on their uncontrollable dreams now... lovely

weaboo 12

Saturday 1 December 2018 10:48

nateshN not everyone has lucid dreams and I assume that the OP probably wasn’t having a lucid dream if they were not aware that they were dreaming

weaboo 12

Saturday 1 December 2018 10:49

She kicked a cat in a dream not a real cat

jakers8424 18

Friday 21 August 2015 20:33

Did you give it a kiss to make it better

TheDevilsDevices 15

Friday 21 August 2015 20:41

Got a good laugh on that one...

Bandicoot88 16

Friday 21 August 2015 21:03

Kick him right in the "pussy"

pete9913 23

Friday 21 August 2015 21:15

You can't really help what you do in your sleep, but if it keeps happening, you may need to put something between you, or get separate beds. I wouldn't last through too many of those.