Miscellaneous: Today, I was watching 24 and realized that Jack Bauer had gotten... - FML

By Noname - 08/02/2009 07:39 - Canada

Today, I was watching 24 and realized that Jack Bauer had gotten more action in 5 hours than I had in 5 months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 474

You deserved it 6 837

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Same thing different taste

Netfliiiiiiiiix

By Anonymous - 07/03/2023 20:00

Today, I binge-watched an entire season of a TV show in one sitting and now I'm not sure what day it is. FML

I agree, your life sucks 273

You deserved it 770

By happyharriet - 16/04/2009 02:32 - United States

Today, I was having a panic attack so I called my parents. My brother answered to say my parents couldn't come to the phone because they were watching 24. Its ten o'clock and 24 is not on now. They were watching 24 on TiVo and couldn't pause it to come to the phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 754

You deserved it 5 390

Procrastinating my life away

By Beatrix - 11/11/2024 22:00 - Canada

Today, I tried to be productive and got dressed in real clothes instead of sweatpants. I spent the next four hours on the couch binge-watching Netflix and pretending I had plans. FML

I agree, your life sucks 109

You deserved it 336

By smokecloud_ - 30/12/2013 21:38 - United States - Ashland

Today, I was watching ESPN. My boyfriend came in, bitched about "boring tv," so I handed him the remote. He put on a Lifetime movie. I must be the only woman in America with this problem. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 291

You deserved it 5 377

Delays expected

By stampslife - 28/11/2014 08:00 - Canada - Agassiz

Today, I finished watching an entire movie after boarding the plane, before the plane even took off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 815

You deserved it 3 148

By Miko - 01/02/2009 16:45 - United States

Today, my friend caught me watching a movie on Oxygen instead of the Super Bowl. I'm a guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 277

You deserved it 32 464

By ayw329 - 31/01/2009 13:51 - United States

Today, I have been reading FML for 12 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 358

You deserved it 17 061

Was it that recent one about Waco?

By Anonymous - 29/03/2023 10:00

Today, I tried to be a responsible adult and went to bed early. I woke up at 3 a.m. and couldn't fall back asleep, so I binge-watched a whole season of a show on Netflix. It was a terrible fucking show as well. FML

I agree, your life sucks 587

You deserved it 271

By Anonymous - 11/11/2010 04:32 - United States

Today, I decided to sleep in for 5 extra minutes. Those 5 extra minutes became 55 minutes, which, coincidentally, was roughly the length of the midterm I missed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 628

You deserved it 35 827

By Anonymous - 25/10/2013 09:01 - United States - Cedar Park

Today, I worked 24 hours straight fixing my company's servers. After it was over, I breathed a huge sigh of relief and promptly fell asleep at my desk. My boss found me an hour later, refused to listen to me, and fired me for sleeping on the job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 621

You deserved it 4 674

Next

Top comments

NorfolkDude 2

Sunday 8 February 2009 23:38

You have to remember that actors have a certain persona and in no way reflect how they are as a person. So even though Jack Bauer gets "more action" than you, it probably isn't the way he acts in person. So just remember movies/shows = fake.

Rodin_fml 0

Monday 9 February 2009 4:07

Get real, he's not.

Comments

Tigress_fml 4

Wednesday 6 May 2009 1:22

Jack Bauer really doesn't get much action beyond shooting and getting shot at. This really depresses you? Join the army or QQ more.

LforLove 0

Wednesday 10 February 2010 2:55

well jack bauer is...FREAKIN JACK BAUER

Thabb 0

Tuesday 8 June 2010 13:43

1 is right.

Macromartyr 3

Friday 9 July 2010 8:24

24 is real

charleycake 0

Sunday 18 July 2010 5:54

ouch

Volti_fml 0

Wednesday 2 February 2011 20:49

to be fair, there is no shame in that. It IS Jack.

dav3800 7

Thursday 19 May 2011 2:49

What I wanted to say...

sparklemuffin 8

Thursday 30 June 2011 8:38

awe call me I'll make it better ;)

Blakem159 1

Sunday 16 October 2011 19:28

It's a tv show dumbass

backyarddcg123 2

Friday 20 July 2012 0:42

That because he's badass

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The Top

Today, I found out that when you gain too much weight, your penis can get significantly smaller. After noticing that things had been "off" in the bedroom, my girlfriend and I decided to measure it. There was significant shrinkage. I guess it's time to start working out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 971

You deserved it 1 921

Today, I came home to my drunk husband, to find that he raided our fridge and freezer to soothe his beer munchies. That would have been fine, had he not eaten the top tier of our wedding cake I'd been saving to eat on our first wedding anniversary, which is in 4 days. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 214

You deserved it 14 071

The Top

Today, an old lady hit me with her car, after which she said, "Oh! Not again!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 288

You deserved it 2 828

Today, as I was walking home, three burly men suddenly began to approach me. Thinking they were going to mug me, I reached for my pocketknife and said, "Stay away, I have a knife." Turns out they just wanted directions to an ice cream shop for their daughters, who were now bawling their eyes out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 054

You deserved it 55 279

Today, after a conversation with my dentist on how to prevent further suffering, I realized that what is good for my teeth, my health, and my digestion are actually three different things that don’t offer much overlap. FML

I agree, your life sucks 640

You deserved it 108

Today, I went to my boyfriend's house to cuddle as we usually do. To prepare for this, the first thing I always do is dive into bed. This time, I felt something squishy under the covers, and screamed when I saw it was a Fleshlight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 608

You deserved it 897

Today, I was watching a movie with my boyfriend, when things got a little frisky and we started making out. It was my first time French-kissing, and apparently he has a very sensitive gag reflex, because the moment my tongue went in, he started retching, and vomited moments later. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 997

You deserved it 3 819

Today, my wife of four years revealed to me that she once had sex with six men at once back in college. Apparently she still fantasizes about it when we have sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 243

You deserved it 3 837