Intimacy: Today, I woke up after having had sex with my 4-year crush expecting...

By acw2110 - 20/02/2009 23:25 - United States

Today, I woke up after having had sex with my 4-year crush expecting to find him in bed next to me. Instead, I found my cell phone with a text message from him that said "you should really do something about the pimples on your ass." FML

I agree, your life sucks 73 710

You deserved it 12 049

Christmas: Snowy Joys and Blunders
Enjoy Christmas stories where unexpected gifts and family reunions create lasting memories... and fun! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 20/11/2015 19:48 - United States

Today, I woke up next to my boyfriend. He gazed at me, stroked my cheek, and said, "Christ, you really need something for this acne." FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 226

You deserved it 2 537

By Anonymous - 02/09/2017 00:00 - United States

Today, when I was done masturbating to the thought of my crush I noticed my phone was lit up. I turned it over and stared in horror as I saw a call connected to him. I had been loudly moaning his name. I guess I hit his speed dial when I was setting my phone down. He was definitely still on the line. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 862

You deserved it 4 045

By DDD - 31/01/2009 15:04 - France

Today, I had sex with a guy. As he was sleeping next to me, I checked his Facebook messages and saw that he sent a message to one of his buddies, asking what kind of lotion helps get rid of crabs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 392

You deserved it 66 780

Catching up

By Anonymous - 13/08/2020 23:01

Today, I got a message from my crush, with whom I had a one night stand with a few months ago. I was really surprised and excited to see his name pop up on my phone. Turns out, he only messaged me to accuse me of giving him mono, and then he blocked me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 482

You deserved it 270

Check this out

By Anonymous - 19/12/2010 05:24 - United States

Today, my boyfriend called me into the bathroom after he had been in there a while. I found him with his pants down, looking at a pimple on his butt in the mirror. He asked me for, "Help." FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 873

You deserved it 4 544

By >{%£•¥ - 27/11/2010 07:08 - United States

Today, right before my boyfriend and I were about to have sex, he touched his butt and says, "Oh I have a butt pimple." He then went and popped it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 071

You deserved it 4 155

Great expectations

By Anonymous - 23/10/2020 08:08 - United Kingdom - London

Today, after making love to my boyfriend, I went upstairs to shower. After turning it on, I found a huge pimple on my leg and the prospect of popping it excited me more than my boyfriend ever had in bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 140

You deserved it 392

By ugh - 28/04/2009 21:49 - Canada

Today, I texted my crush that I can't come over and invited him over instead. I was so anxious for his reply I took my cell to the washroom with me. Just as I was pulling up my pants I heard something fall into the bowl, I turned around and watched my cell floating in the my own pee, vibrating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 974

You deserved it 57 469

By Whatever479 - 17/02/2011 17:29 - Ireland

Today, I woke up to a text from my boyfriend asking if I'd Skype with him. Thinking he'd find my tousled bed hair and big t-shirt sexy, I went on. The first thing he noticed was the massive booger on my face that stretched from my nose to the other side of my cheek. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 735

You deserved it 37 715

By SterlingSilver91 - 03/09/2011 23:49 - Canada

Today, I woke up to a text from a girl I had slept with two nights ago. It read, "Please don't get mad if you notice a rash on your private parts. Sorry in advance." FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 184

You deserved it 42 725

Crackandcheese 0

Saturday 21 February 2009 6:30

If he pays that much attention to your ass? You may have a secret Butt Pirate on your hands, dude.

Kat_MS 0

Saturday 21 February 2009 8:25

#7 How do you correlate pimples with being fat? Sorry I don't see the connection.

Comments

SamuraiDeli 0

Tuesday 24 February 2009 0:35

He's a keeper. I see why you've liked him for four years.

Taihen 0

Thursday 26 February 2009 3:49

#16: Dude, it happense. Ever heard of teenage skin? At my worst times I had them on face, chest, back, upper arms, and butt all at the same time. Doctor's diagnosis: teenage skin, hormones changing, eat less sugar, try out some acne washes and grin and bear it till it's all over.

BeautyAndBrains 0

Friday 27 February 2009 18:24

#7 is an asshole.

Jevi_fml 0

Wednesday 4 March 2009 3:18

I have great skin everywhere but my ass. Somehow, it's the only place that I get acne. No guy has complained yet...

bezerk 0

Wednesday 4 March 2009 12:31

You deserved it. Pimples on your ass? Seriously, DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT!

kittydidit 0

Saturday 30 October 2010 14:38

Agreed. I'm sorry but neither I nor any of my girl friends (that I know of) have ever had ass pimples...I don't know why everyone keeps saying that it's so normal. :S

ChloeMeyers_Xo 16

Thursday 26 March 2015 18:28

One can't exactly help when acne rises and where it rises. Acne comes from many things, hormones, oil, sweat etc. It's not abnormal, and OP certainly didn't deserve to have her body defiled like that. Kinda hoping you get an ass pimple and your mate points it out.

xRedNormandyx 0

Sunday 8 March 2009 9:36

wow... some people seriously need to mature. something like that would NEVER turn me off. He WOULD pay attention to something like that when he should be enjoying himself.

jsmith1199 0

Thursday 19 March 2009 5:31

#7 is amazing. u should really do something about the pimples on your ass.

HuDanny 0

Friday 20 March 2009 1:55

I agree with 49 .... dude get that shit checked out!

cra_z_turtle 0

Saturday 21 March 2009 7:15

now you write (or have someone write) "you really should do something about the pimples on your personality" on your butt, and moon him.

livvyylou 0

Thursday 16 April 2009 3:32

uhmm. am i the only one here who has never had a pimple on their ass? seriously i haven't at all. but i get them on my face, chest, & back sometimes. anyways that really sucks about the guy. hopefully you'll forget about him now.