Intimacy: Today, I woke up after having had sex with my 4-year crush expecting...

By acw2110 - 20/02/2009 23:25 - United States

Today, I woke up after having had sex with my 4-year crush expecting to find him in bed next to me. Instead, I found my cell phone with a text message from him that said "you should really do something about the pimples on your ass." FML

I agree, your life sucks 73 705

You deserved it 12 048

November 11: Memories and smiles
Historical anecdotes with a light touch to commemorate with a respectful smile. More…

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 20/11/2015 19:48 - United States

Today, I woke up next to my boyfriend. He gazed at me, stroked my cheek, and said, "Christ, you really need something for this acne." FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 222

You deserved it 2 534

By Anonymous - 02/09/2017 00:00 - United States

Today, when I was done masturbating to the thought of my crush I noticed my phone was lit up. I turned it over and stared in horror as I saw a call connected to him. I had been loudly moaning his name. I guess I hit his speed dial when I was setting my phone down. He was definitely still on the line. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 854

You deserved it 4 035

By DDD - 31/01/2009 15:04 - France

Today, I had sex with a guy. As he was sleeping next to me, I checked his Facebook messages and saw that he sent a message to one of his buddies, asking what kind of lotion helps get rid of crabs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 391

You deserved it 66 777

Catching up

By Anonymous - 13/08/2020 23:01

Today, I got a message from my crush, with whom I had a one night stand with a few months ago. I was really surprised and excited to see his name pop up on my phone. Turns out, he only messaged me to accuse me of giving him mono, and then he blocked me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 482

You deserved it 269

Check this out

By Anonymous - 19/12/2010 05:24 - United States

Today, my boyfriend called me into the bathroom after he had been in there a while. I found him with his pants down, looking at a pimple on his butt in the mirror. He asked me for, "Help." FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 873

You deserved it 4 544

By >{%£•¥ - 27/11/2010 07:08 - United States

Today, right before my boyfriend and I were about to have sex, he touched his butt and says, "Oh I have a butt pimple." He then went and popped it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 070

You deserved it 4 154

Great expectations

By Anonymous - 23/10/2020 08:08 - United Kingdom - London

Today, after making love to my boyfriend, I went upstairs to shower. After turning it on, I found a huge pimple on my leg and the prospect of popping it excited me more than my boyfriend ever had in bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 139

You deserved it 392

By ugh - 28/04/2009 21:49 - Canada

Today, I texted my crush that I can't come over and invited him over instead. I was so anxious for his reply I took my cell to the washroom with me. Just as I was pulling up my pants I heard something fall into the bowl, I turned around and watched my cell floating in the my own pee, vibrating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 973

You deserved it 57 468

By Whatever479 - 17/02/2011 17:29 - Ireland

Today, I woke up to a text from my boyfriend asking if I'd Skype with him. Thinking he'd find my tousled bed hair and big t-shirt sexy, I went on. The first thing he noticed was the massive booger on my face that stretched from my nose to the other side of my cheek. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 734

You deserved it 37 714

By SterlingSilver91 - 03/09/2011 23:49 - Canada

Today, I woke up to a text from a girl I had slept with two nights ago. It read, "Please don't get mad if you notice a rash on your private parts. Sorry in advance." FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 181

You deserved it 42 721

Crackandcheese 0

Saturday 21 February 2009 6:30

If he pays that much attention to your ass? You may have a secret Butt Pirate on your hands, dude.

Kat_MS 0

Saturday 21 February 2009 8:25

#7 How do you correlate pimples with being fat? Sorry I don't see the connection.

Comments

xine10 0

Friday 23 July 2010 13:01

its kinda hard not to notice it when you do it doggy style.

xxochristineox 3

Monday 26 July 2010 4:10

omg for a second I thought it said 4-year-old crush lol!!

drakeforever 0

Friday 13 August 2010 8:51

ROTFFLMFAO!!!

B4SK3TB4IL 0

Saturday 11 September 2010 4:34

then do it faster then that

ghost303 3

Sunday 10 October 2010 6:07

you have a crush who is 4 years old? ;)

straw7bery 0

Saturday 21 May 2011 2:10

crush of 4 years

hannah1203 2

Wednesday 24 November 2010 16:52

Ewwwwwwwww !

ChELSEY927 0

Thursday 21 April 2011 0:09

ChELSEY927 0

Thursday 21 April 2011 0:14

mjib jidru

Ganstaboy 0

Wednesday 27 April 2011 0:21

what a troll

marissa246 0

Tuesday 19 July 2011 0:52

you know it (;

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Nooooo, I'm not interviewing Candy Staton, and nooooo I'm not going to talk about the Avengers but guys this isn't 9gag so let me introduce you to the fresh new artist we're welcoming today! She's a lovely lady who lives in Vancouver and she's the au...

I agree, your life sucks 15

You deserved it 15

Today, I finally felt ready to make love to my boyfriend for the first time. It all went great, until I tried putting the condom on him. In the process, I managed to nick his penis not once, but three times with my nails. His eyes brimmed with tears and he completely lost his erection. FML

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Today, I was talking to a coworker about gender reveal parties, and how dumb and dangerous they're becoming. A nearby coworker then burst into tears and ran out. It appears that she's having one this weekend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 147

You deserved it 503

Today, I ran into my boyfriend. The same guy that told me he was still in Florida with his family. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 665

You deserved it 3 877

Today, I saw a roach on my toilet. I thought it would be funny to pee on it. It jumped out, which scared me; I hit my head on the wall and started bleeding, then I peed all over myself and the wall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 134

You deserved it 47 942

Today, a vendor contacted me to let me know that our contract renewal went through. Turns out, I misread our original contract and now I've obligated our company to buy $24k of services, when my boss wanted to cancel it. It's only February and I already know I'm not getting a bonus this year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 037

You deserved it 2 595

Today, when I tried to break up with my girlfriend of 2 years, she had no idea we were even dating. She thought of all the movies, dinners, and "sleepovers" I had with her was because we were such great friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 490

You deserved it 4 306

Today, I came across an online profile of one girl I had really liked. Since she moved, I've been thinking about her constantly. It seems as if her boyfriend broke up with her and she's moved on from him, so we're both currently single. I still like her and would love to get in touch with her, but have no way to message her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 523

You deserved it 332

Same thing different taste

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