Health: Today, I woke up and put my contacts in. It appears that I got...

By anon - 20/06/2014 05:06 - United States - Kennett

Today, I woke up and put my contacts in. It appears that I got drunk enough last night that instead of soaking my contacts in contact solution, I used mouthwash. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 345

You deserved it 24 742

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Same thing different taste

By kiriakousauce21 - 15/02/2010 07:44 - France

Today, I woke up thinking after wearing glasses and contacts all my life that I had miraculously been corrected to 20/20. Turns out I had just fallen asleep with my contacts in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 860

You deserved it 32 850

By KBO - 08/06/2009 06:54 - Australia

Today, I woke up hungover and thirsty, I found a glass of water next to the sink, filled it up with more water, chugged it and went back to bed. I woke up an hour later to my best friend telling me she thought she lost her contacts. They were in a glass next to the sink. I ate her contacts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 068

You deserved it 43 446

Don't try this at home

By Lunar-Spice - 07/11/2020 08:01

Today, I found out what it feels like to put in a contact while drunk. My eye still hurts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 271

You deserved it 815

By redeye - 19/09/2011 05:03 - United States

Today, my younger brother decided it would be funny to put rubbing alcohol in my contact lens case while I had them soaking overnight. I didn't realize this until I put the first one in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 681

You deserved it 2 459

Rushed

By K.Trinity - 15/06/2024 20:00 - Australia - Perth

Today, I was in a rush to get to work and decided to multitask by making my coffee while brushing my teeth. Halfway through, I absentmindedly poured mouthwash into my coffee mug and took a big gulp. I spent the rest of the morning trying to get the taste of minty coffee out of my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 128

You deserved it 445

Morning pick-me-up

By Anonymous - 30/01/2011 05:05 - United States

Today, upon waking up, I took a sip on what I thought was a cup of water on my nightstand. I quickly discovered it was my roommate's cup of used mouthwash which she was too lazy to throw out the night before. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 965

You deserved it 8 665

Oh gosh

By Anonymous - 16/02/2020 14:00

Today, I noticed a strange mark on the inside of my mouthwash bottle. As I was bending down to investigate, my hands tightened around the bottle and mouthwash squirted in my eye. It still burns. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 404

You deserved it 690

By halfasleep - 27/03/2012 14:00 - United States - New Haven

Today, I accidentally took my mouthwash like a shot. I don't know what burned more, when it went down or when it came back up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 680

You deserved it 14 681

Party hard

By jagerbombs - 30/12/2009 19:08 - United States

Today, I woke up at a stranger's house after a long night of drinking. Before leaving, I decided to steal some mouthwash so I didn't smell like a liquor store. Thinking of the night before, I instinctively downed the Listerine like a shot and puked everywhere. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 027

You deserved it 46 455

By Anonymous - 28/12/2010 21:47 - United States

Today, my brother thought it would be hilarious to put vinegar in my contact solution. I took my contacts out hours ago and my eyes still burn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 488

You deserved it 2 626

mistertbawk420 10

Friday 20 June 2014 16:56

Minty fresh

silvercamaro 22

Friday 20 June 2014 17:00

At least you still have decent enough eyesight to post this on FML

Comments

mnk5512 7

Friday 20 June 2014 20:24

Yikes!

Sigilwen 24

Friday 20 June 2014 20:37

Coffee wouldn't wake you up fast enough?

Itsadisaster 13

Friday 20 June 2014 21:18

I laughed harder than I should have that you used the word "appears" after nuking your eyeballs.

wvcheesehead 13

Friday 20 June 2014 21:22

Was it Scope at least?

NotDarkKnight 27

Friday 20 June 2014 22:03

Now you know you won't have gingivitis in your eyes!

fml25281 7

Friday 20 June 2014 22:41

dude fyl

idkwht2put 5

Friday 20 June 2014 23:00

At least your eyes will be minty fresh

WinterBlue42 22

Friday 20 June 2014 23:06

You wore your contacts whilst drinking heavily? Bad idea any day! Still, FYL.

Creativechoco97 0

Friday 20 June 2014 23:10

You're a complete idiot...

RedPillSucks 31

Friday 20 June 2014 23:15

Well, that was an eye opener... Not!

Keywords

Awkward Miscellaneous Embarrassing Work Sleep Dating Love Annoying Am I overreacting? Parents Health Mental health Furniture Kids Gross Friends Public freakouts Fight Cops Drugs Neighbours Medication Relatable Teenagers Dogs Animals Gamers Ironic Video games Zoom

The Top

Today, after two months of being broken up, and my ex still insisting she hadn't been cheating on me, I declared via text my intention to burn the rest of her stuff in the yard. This resulted in the guy she "hadn't been cheating on me with" kicking in my door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 516

You deserved it 389

Today, at work, I handed an old man his drink, and our fingers accidentally brushed. He gave me a creepy wink and a smile, but I ignored it. He's now been sitting in the store for two hours watching me. Only four hours to go until I get off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 829

You deserved it 2 483

The Top

Today, I woke up late for a very important presentation. I got dressed but forgot to wear a bra. During the presentation, I bent down to adjust a shoe strap. I rose to find that the thin straps of my blouse snapped and exposed my breasts. I gave a great presentation and a titty show. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 757

You deserved it 35 707

Today, my faculty mentor for my senior capstone project wasn't at my presentation for the entire department faculty. I assumed his wife or kids were sick, but that piece of shit told me himself that he was at home watching the new season of Stranger Things. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 211

You deserved it 348

Today, after eight months of unemployment, I finally started at my new night job. Shortly after walking in, my boss came up behind me, whispered "hooorse dicksss" in my ear, and walked off without another word. I am terrified. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 068

You deserved it 2 208

Today, there was an animal rummaging around in my trashcan, so I kicked the trashcan to see what it was. The fox then chased me for three blocks to find out what I was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 409

You deserved it 175

Today, I decided to see if electric dog collars work on human necks. They do. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 720

You deserved it 119 055

Today, I woke up feeling awesome. I turned to face the sunrise in the window, and as I stretched and let out a big yawn. Only for my boyfriend to say "Baby, turn back over. Your breath smells like turds." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 812

You deserved it 10 437