Intimacy: Today, I woke up from a night of crazy drunken sex with a guy...

By homewrecker - 01/08/2009 13:44 - United States

Today, I woke up from a night of crazy drunken sex with a guy I had met at a friends 23rd birthday party. The lights had been off when we had stumbled in to his house the night before. When I opened my eyes today, the first thing I saw was his family picture, complete with his wife and son. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 077

You deserved it 64 032

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Same thing different taste

Awkward

By Nikki - 18/03/2009 03:15 - United States

Today, I woke up, completely naked, in bed with a guy I met the night before. We were both drunk the night before and I had agreed to go home with him. The reason I woke up was that someone was knocking on his bedroom door. Turns out he lives with his mom and she made us pancakes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 186

You deserved it 91 572

By StiffPvtParts - 04/06/2019 18:00

Today, after a night of drinking, I awoke in the early hours of the morning to a sight of my roommate playing with my penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 241

You deserved it 301

Party hard

By Jason the flasher - 15/09/2018 22:00

Today, I went to a party that my friends were throwing. I had a great time and got blackout drunk. I woke up to videos from my girlfriend from last night. At some point I'd managed to take off my shorts and boxers and spent the rest of the party naked from the waist down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 399

You deserved it 3 263

By holyshitbatman - 22/09/2012 14:06 - United States - Chicago

Today, I woke up naked next to my gay roommate after a night of drinking. Neither he nor I remember anything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 532

You deserved it 29 767

By scatter00x - 08/02/2009 05:39 - United States

Today, I woke up around 5am from a party I had last night, still quite drunk. This chick was lying next to me from the night before. I kissed her, and about a minute and a half into some heavy making out, she opened her eyes and said, "Oh, it's you." Then got up and walked out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 095

You deserved it 7 096

By Madmanmorton - 16/06/2011 18:34 - United States

Today, after a long night of drinking and partying, I woke up in my bed next to a beast of a woman. At least I know I made it home safely. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 148

You deserved it 47 306

By Sleep Walking - 23/01/2009 18:51 - United States

Today, I found out that after drunkenly falling asleep at a guy's house, I not only slept-walked in his house, but I went upstairs into his parents room. And used their bathroom. I don't remember any of this, but his mom does. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 897

You deserved it 9 225

By paulinapo - 30/05/2013 01:53 - United States - Staten Island

Today, I woke up in bed with a one-night stand. We got really drunk the night before so I went to make a hangover-cure breakfast. Apparently he was so drunk that he didn't remember me, and when he came to the kitchen, he knocked me out with a pan and called the cops. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 338

You deserved it 9 837

Waste moment

By Anonymous - 10/02/2020 20:00

Today, I went out drinking with my friends and my boyfriend met me there. We decided then to come home and planned an intimate moment. I got on top of him and went to kiss his neck. Next thing I know, I fell asleep right before we started. FML

I agree, your life sucks 999

You deserved it 1 349

Work harder

By zep - 07/06/2009 11:41 - United States

Today, I was hard at work cleaning up from a party I had while my parents were out for the night. Not a bottle of beer or a red cup was left for them to find. However, my parents did find two of my friends in their bedroom, still passed out and naked from beer and sex last night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 357

You deserved it 79 666

lmmmr 0

Saturday 1 August 2009 19:30

Don't have sex with people you don't know.

kthxdie 0

Saturday 1 August 2009 19:32

At least you didn't wake up to his wife and kids in person.

Comments

lushy 0

Tuesday 4 August 2009 12:20

shes a fukn ****. and if u cant agree on that. u are srsli fukt in the head and u reli need help. fukn retards. hav sum respect for urself, straight out **** like mother, like daughter. *** her

_THE_MASTER_ 0

Tuesday 4 August 2009 16:36

wow, use some kind of comprehensible words next time you try to convey a point. and honestly, if i posted this same FML and tweaked it to having had sex with a woman i just met that night and it turned out she'd be married, you and most of the dudes calling the OP here a **** would be like WTG man thats AWESOME how is this and FML?!!?!. so piss off and don't be so judgemental about someone youve never even met. plus, how many of you are calling the dude a bad guy also for this? he's the one with a family

literalmanchild 0

Tuesday 4 August 2009 17:03

there is no concievable way that you speak english with any degree of fluency based entirely around the god damn hack job you managed to pull in about 40 words.

_THE_MASTER_ 0

Tuesday 4 August 2009 17:39

lol if you can find a way to call most of them "words"

literalmanchild 0

Tuesday 4 August 2009 20:07

well, i could, but then i guess i'd be lying.

literalmanchild 0

Tuesday 4 August 2009 23:52

ah, but are we not all hypocrites in one way or another? hypocrisy is essentially a facet of the human race, and to deny that you are not a hypocrite is to deny that you have human flaws. but yes, i am pretty much just a huge hypocritical baby. and yes, nachos do indeed rule.

moonlit_manga 0

Wednesday 5 August 2009 16:42

*****....don't "fool around" when your drunk and you don't know the person.

moonlit_manga 0

Wednesday 5 August 2009 16:49

literalmanchild is just educated. ^^ good use of diction my friend! ( I'm only 16 and understood him, wow lol )

literalmanchild 0

Wednesday 5 August 2009 23:44

oh, well, danke schön. i didn't use a thesaurus either :3

RhymePrime 7

Thursday 6 August 2009 12:17

Why are you laughing? You're weird.

looking_glass 0

Thursday 6 August 2009 9:33

Oh bravo you homewrecking drunken bitch. He's a ******* asswipe as well because he's MARRIED TO THIS WOMAN THAT HE CHEATED ON. Try not to have sex with people you barely know WHEN YOUR DRUNK YOU DIPSHIT.