Miscellaneous: Today, I woke up to a stranger in my dorm room. He was naked... - FML

By thewallrules - 05/12/2009 14:10 - United States

Today, I woke up to a stranger in my dorm room. He was naked and was peeing into my water bottle. He kept asking for Chris. I have no idea who Chris is. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 981

You deserved it 3 452

When Christmas Ends Badly…
Rather than debating politics with Uncle Roger for the umpteenth time, share the best Christmas FMLs to finally have a good family meal! More…

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Same thing different taste

By gold3nshow3r - 09/03/2017 20:00 - United States - Roanoke

Today, I woke up to a strange wetness covering my body. My drunk roommate's urine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 574

You deserved it 436

By breeeeeh - 21/06/2013 22:18 - France - Brou-sur-chantereine

Today, I woke up to a stranger in my bed. Just as my parents responded to my screaming, I remembered that I'd helped my boyfriend sneak in through my window last night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 681

You deserved it 69 959

Spooky

By Scaredwitless - 28/01/2011 04:35 - United States

Today, my roommate decided to prank me by leaving a fake suicide note on the bathroom door and lying motionless in a bathtub full of water and red coloring. When I went, horrified, to take a closer look, he lunged at me and screamed. I was so scared I pissed myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 915

You deserved it 6 020

By CollegeFreshman - 11/09/2009 04:20 - United States

Today, I heard a knock on my door and, thinking it was my student adviser, opened it. I was greeted by a drunk girl, who pushed her way into my dorm room, informed me that she lived here last year, and then told me that she lost her virginity in my bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 610

You deserved it 3 749

By Anonymous - 09/10/2009 22:58 - United States

Today, I was at a local club with my friends sitting at a table when some guys approached us. One of them started telling me about his recent adventures through Europe and was very interesting. Something warm hit my leg and I realized the guy was urinating on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 491

You deserved it 2 806

By nude - 15/01/2010 00:43 - United States

Today, I woke up in my boyfriend's dorm and decided to take a shower before he woke up. I used the girls bathroom on the above floor, and afterwards just threw on a towel and ran to the elevator. I forgot to press my boyfriend's floor and I was taken to the lobby in a towel. People were waiting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 054

You deserved it 32 306

Creeped out

By HadToApologize - 03/11/2009 05:20 - United States

Today, I took a shower at my girlfriend's apartment. I was wandering around, gathering my clothes when I noticed my girl doing her hair in the other room. She looked sort of peculiar, so I stood there, studying her. Half naked. I then realized it wasn't my girlfriend, but her roommate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 380

You deserved it 23 087

By whymyroomthough - 06/08/2014 22:18 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I woke up because of a weird noise. Scared, I turned on my bedside lamp. I saw my older, 17-year-old brother peeing in my bedroom doorway. He was hoping I'd step in it in the morning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 201

You deserved it 3 230

Pissed

By TJ. - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - India

Today, my friend whacked me in the family jewels while I was washing my hands in our college bathroom. While I lay writhing in pain on the floor, a guy at the urinal turned around towards me to see what was wrong. He was still peeing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 671

You deserved it 3 079

Never in the buff

By ShyVirgin - 19/06/2021 05:01 - United Kingdom - Derby

Today, a staff member entered my room, thinking it was empty. I was naked. This is the second time something like this has happened in the week I have lived here. FML

I agree, your life sucks 843

You deserved it 112

Next

Top comments

xdyingxwishx 0

Saturday 5 December 2009 19:54

Haha damn, lock your door!

monkey314159 0

Saturday 5 December 2009 19:55

wtf... which college is this again?

Comments

badvoodoo 0

Sunday 6 December 2009 0:14

PCP

jessxoxo28 5

Sunday 6 December 2009 0:14

WOW...peeing in a bottle and asking for chris... thats just scary

musicislife1995_fml 0

Sunday 6 December 2009 0:22

well quite clearly you should know Chris ;)

turdburgers 0

Sunday 6 December 2009 0:47

This shit is exactly why I NEVER left my door unlocked. Someone on my hall last year woke up to a random drunk guy in her room. You never know who the idiots in your dorm will let in off the street.

LALALALagirrl 1

Sunday 6 December 2009 0:48

LMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMFAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! ommg, that made my day:)

FerrariCake 2

Sunday 6 December 2009 0:51

At least you have a funny story to share with the family during the holidays!

FerrariCake 2

Sunday 6 December 2009 0:53

Make a shopping list: 1. New water bottle 2. deadbolt for door

hedgehogs 0

Sunday 6 December 2009 1:04

You don't lock your dorm door?

The__Redneck 7

Sunday 6 December 2009 1:32

That's when you take an ax-handle and put a little red in that bottle.

nightmare1234 0

Sunday 6 December 2009 1:42

lmfao!!!he was peeing in a bottle?!??!? lolz never invite crazy strangers in ur place!!lesson learned!:)

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The Top

Today, I was babysitting this 12 year old. We were watching a movie, and he was being an angel just laying with his head in my lap. He fell asleep so I closed my eyes and had a little nap. When I woke up he had taken my shirt off and was feeling up my boobs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 502

You deserved it 15 065

Today, while losing my virginity to my boyfriend, I had my first orgasm. I don't remember much of what I said during, but after it was all over, he looks at me and says, "You have terrible grammar during climax." FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 363

You deserved it 5 630

The Top

Today, I had to show a new student around my school. Normally, that wouldn't be such a bad thing, but the student was my crazy, overly-attached ex. I transferred schools to get away from her in the first place. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 996

You deserved it 3 598

Today, my now-ex broke up with me after alleging that I cheated on her. I didn't do anything, for the record. When I told my sister about it, she showed me a screenshot of an Instagram story where my ex was tagged, two weeks before leaving me. My ex was actually making out with another dude. FML

I agree, your life sucks 945

You deserved it 93

Today, while in my backyard, I had some insane gastric distress. I let out a fart so powerful that it made me yelp in pain, and left my asshole numb. A second later, I heard a cough come from over my neighbor's fence. I had to quietly limp back into my house in shame. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 846

You deserved it 6 933

Today, I spent almost 1000$ on an ex girlfriend, not because I wanted to, I was court ordered. She had her child with a guy who was already married, and told the government that I was the father. This was 2 years after she stole my credit card and maxed it out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 107

You deserved it 155

Today, I went out for a smoke break. A homeless person walks up to me and asks for a cig. As I pull out my pack he says "Oh... Menthols... no I don't smoke that cheap shit". I was called cheap by a hobo. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 670

You deserved it 19 670

Today, I managed to multitask too much at work. I turned around, adjusted my glasses, swept hair out of my face, and blinked. In the process I walked into my manager, causing me to simultaneously punch myself in the mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 549

You deserved it 6 757