Miscellaneous: Today, I woke up to find pieces of a dead spider stuck in my...

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By gaggin - 26/12/2012 19:30 - United States - Beverly Hills

Today, I woke up to find pieces of a dead spider stuck in my braces. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 167

You deserved it 3 986

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Same thing different taste

By somuchforthat - 19/02/2010 07:38 - Australia

Today, I woke up and found a small leg of what used to belong to a spider on the corner of my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 713

You deserved it 2 520

Hmmmm, breakfast

By Spiderchick - 26/09/2019 12:00 - Germany

Today, I found out that the stories about how you swallow insects and spiders in your sleep are true, as I woke up to a funny taste in my mouth and the remains of a spider stuck to my braces. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 596

You deserved it 127

Top o' the mornin' to ya

By Anonymous - 29/07/2022 16:00 - United States - Littleton

Today, I woke up bright and early… because a spider crawled into my ear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 817

You deserved it 78

By Steffi3 - 14/05/2016 16:29 - United States

Today, there was a spider in my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 320

You deserved it 74

By igotpride - 09/12/2013 21:01 - United States

Today, I woke up and coughed up the spider I thought I'd killed last night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 828

You deserved it 5 385

By HighasaCloud - 10/12/2016 02:38

Today, while typing at my desk, I leaned back in my chair to stretch my arms. A spider dangling from the ceiling must have been watching me since it had perfect timing on its descent right into my open yawning mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 645

You deserved it 771

By ThatsIncentive - 15/12/2016 01:59 - United States - Granite Bay

Today, I stooped to pick up an earring back off the ground. It was actually a spider. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 964

You deserved it 1 141

By dirtbikeguy - 23/07/2015 13:05 - United States - Chicago

Today, I had a dream about a giant spider crawling around in my mouth. I woke up to find that dreams sometimes do come true. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 204

You deserved it 1 988

The passenger

By BurnItOff - 19/04/2024 20:00 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, I thought I had a stick stuck in my hair. A very pokey stick. That aggressively bit my face when I tried to get it out of my hair. It was a big ass spider. My face feels like it's been punched. FML

I agree, your life sucks 476

You deserved it 93

By Anonymous - 28/02/2015 09:04 - Australia

Today, I went through the nightmare of having to go to my doctor so he could remove a living spider from my nasal cavity. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 469

You deserved it 2 651

Nutz101 7

Thursday 27 December 2012 0:07

I have to stop eating while reading FML's

jojimugo 20

Thursday 27 December 2012 0:13

If you swallow 8 a night, you should do yourself a favor and move out of the amazon river

Comments

Welshite 39

Thursday 27 December 2012 0:10

Don't you just hate those nighttime munchies?

seandoc 13

Thursday 27 December 2012 0:11

Santa must've been good to you!

beehardxcore 26

Thursday 27 December 2012 0:11

Mmm, protein!

tzryan 3

Thursday 27 December 2012 14:32

Spider favor

MsConfusedd 27

Thursday 27 December 2012 0:11

Brush your teeth 58 times

sparkjolt 10

Thursday 27 December 2012 0:14

well the myth of swallowing 8 dead spiders in your life is a lie. Spiders love dark moist places, you swallow thousands

z_lite 6

Thursday 27 December 2012 3:40

This scares the heck out of me. "Dark, moist places".

CharresBarkrey 15

Thursday 27 December 2012 5:58

That is complete bullshit.

rampersaud 10

Thursday 27 December 2012 6:15

#86 I ******* love your profile picture.

CharresBarkrey 15

Thursday 27 December 2012 7:42

90 - Hey thanks!

CharresBarkrey 15

Thursday 27 December 2012 9:45

90 - Hey thanks!

NeonPopRocks 14

Thursday 27 December 2012 15:18

Yeah, I love it too! IM A BUFF BABY!

ThatGirlxx 6

Friday 28 December 2012 3:01

Closing my mouth now....

Sir_ND_Pity 35

Thursday 27 December 2012 0:22

Listen to your orthodontist, OP! No spiders before you sleep!

perei176 9

Thursday 27 December 2012 16:53

What does OP mean?

False_Stupidity 41

Friday 28 December 2012 13:22

Orgasming Penguins

Sir_ND_Pity 35

Saturday 29 December 2012 0:50

Oblong penis

kotana191 8

Thursday 27 December 2012 0:22

I heard swallowing spiders is a myth. your breathing would blow the little hairs along its legs so it would run away

klutz44 28

Thursday 27 December 2012 0:55

This must have been one brave spider.

Maverick52 13

Thursday 27 December 2012 1:00

Or maybe OP is dead? 0_0

PipingMouse 14

Thursday 27 December 2012 0:42

You had the rumblies...that only spiders could satisfy.

tiffy_mag 4

Thursday 27 December 2012 0:46

Pics or it didn't happen

speshlk37 13

Thursday 27 December 2012 0:49

Ooh, that's gnarly.

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The Top

Today, my son is going through a rebellious phase. He's taken to wearing leather and chains, listening to death metal music all day in his room alone, and screaming at me in public places. He was fired from his part-time job for swearing at customers. My son is 29 years old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 217

You deserved it 13 921

Today, I met up with my group for class. We were doing some final checks on the project we've been working on all semester, when I realized something about one guy's work seemed off. I googled it and found out it's almost completely plagiarized. It's all due in the morning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 223

You deserved it 4 063

The Top

Today, I installed motion sensor lights in my house to save on energy. When I laid down in bed, I saw the lights turn on from downstairs to the kitchen. I live alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 843

You deserved it 1 866

Today, my girlfriend freaked out on me because I answered her call on the first ring. According to her, it implies that I'm desperate, always horny, and just want her for the sex. Just last week she got pissed because I waited three rings to answer. Apparently that means I'm cheating on her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 745

You deserved it 6 595

Today, I got a text from a call girl. She asked me to delete her number because I'm too demanding. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 772

You deserved it 9 587

Today, I was eating a bag of almonds I got from the bulk food store, picking off what I thought was stringy remnants of their shells. When I finally got down to the bottom of the bag, I found a silk worm circling around the last almond left of a bag of about 200. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 378

You deserved it 6 108

Today, I found out that my waking up every morning with my ear being ridiculously plugged is actually an ear infection. How did I not know? It's simple: my ears generate enough wax to make an entire fucking candle, so I assumed they were just building up again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 841

You deserved it 145

Today, my dad grounded me for two weeks for profusely swearing at my misbehaving laptop. After some arguing, he actually accepted my half-joking offer to play a game of CoD over it. His condition was that if I lost, my grounding period would double. We played. He kicked my ass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 050

You deserved it 34 680

Same thing different taste

Hmmmm, breakfast

Top o' the mornin' to ya

The passenger

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