Miscellaneous: Today, I woke up to my new roommate staring at me, just a few...

By 123roomielover - 26/01/2011 17:40 - United States

Today, I woke up to my new roommate staring at me, just a few inches from my face. She then told me how easy I would be to kill in my sleep. Then she stood up, naked from head to toe. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 571

You deserved it 3 740

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 10/11/2010 16:32 - Argentina

Today, I woke up to find my new roommate staring straight at me. She then went on to say, "I love how you sleep," and continued to stare. I live in a residence off campus and I've already changed roommates twice this year. I'm stuck with a person who stares at me sleep for the next two years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 463

You deserved it 3 906

By D: - 06/10/2013 17:13 - France - Paris

Today, I woke up to my creepy new roommate licking my cheek. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 410

You deserved it 3 900

By Anonymous - 07/01/2014 21:24 - United States

Today, I woke up to my psycho roommate trying to baptize me in my sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 368

You deserved it 5 212

By Jack - 26/10/2009 06:32 - United States

Today, I was in minding my own business in bed in my dorm room. It was dark and my roommate came over, intending to slap my ass really hard. The problem is, I was lying face up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 000

You deserved it 3 008

By Jonathan - 13/10/2008 08:27

Today, I woke up next to a beautiful, half-naked brunette in my bed. Two minutes later, my alarm clock woke me up for real. FML

I agree, your life sucks 73 415

You deserved it 19 720

By bTOhno - 13/08/2011 06:37 - United States

Today, I woke up at my girlfriend's house. She was staring at me, holding a knife over my face. She ran away, giggling. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 063

You deserved it 4 732

By mike oxsmall - 16/06/2011 05:42 - United States

Today, I woke up to a burglar holding a gun. He yelled at me to get up so I did. He then paused and laughed. I was sleeping naked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 054

You deserved it 6 557

By Dirty_Mind_69 - 20/07/2013 08:35 - United States - Shreveport

Today, I came home from work to my hot roommate cooking and wearing nothing but an apron. She pulled me into her room and things went great. At least, they did before I woke up in the break room with my coworkers and boss all gathered around, listening to me talking in my sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 224

You deserved it 9 938

By noooo - 08/08/2011 07:10 - United States

Today, my new friend and I went out to a concert. When we came back to her house, she ran upstairs and left me alone. Suddenly, a naked man came into my view and I stared at him, horrified. Great way to meet her Dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 028

You deserved it 2 708

Creeped out

By HadToApologize - 03/11/2009 05:20 - United States

Today, I took a shower at my girlfriend's apartment. I was wandering around, gathering my clothes when I noticed my girl doing her hair in the other room. She looked sort of peculiar, so I stood there, studying her. Half naked. I then realized it wasn't my girlfriend, but her roommate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 385

You deserved it 23 092

DahkLohd 4

Wednesday 26 January 2011 22:01

Creepy.

MyNameIsBruce 0

Thursday 27 January 2011 0:20

Shut up. You tried to do it to Harry a few years back.

Comments

lagbaja 0

Thursday 27 January 2011 5:55

Run for ******* life

WildInTheStreets 5

Thursday 27 January 2011 6:06

haha she probably was trippin out on acid.

nevachristine 0

Thursday 27 January 2011 6:09

OLD roommate! lol kinda like that movie though.

CabZ_fml 0

Thursday 27 January 2011 6:24

you have an awesome roommate dude, it maybe the only chance for you to see someone fully naked. ENJOY IT.

momo1972 3

Thursday 27 January 2011 6:24

send her over here

dansco 24

Thursday 27 January 2011 6:31

Leave... Quickly!

ScaryyMary 14

Thursday 27 January 2011 6:48

...Brenda? I'm sorry! I won't do it again!

Whorebiscuits 4

Thursday 27 January 2011 6:54

tch, ur dead next, that word is taboo. He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named, He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named!!

iSolDyourSouL 0

Thursday 27 January 2011 7:44

:O can I have your roommate? :P

coballan55 0

Thursday 27 January 2011 8:12

um you should probably just kill her first, duh...

Keywords

Public freakouts Awkward Miscellaneous Health Relatable Work Concert Clumsy Music Lonely Love Scams Embarrassing Management Sex Moving home Ironic Relationship advice Cheating Kids Hair Fire Birthday Accident Cute Transportation Cars Snow Solitude Confused

The Top

Today, I found out that the man I just married doesn't want to have children. We had this conversation multiple times with no problems before getting married, but now he would "rather die" than have children, because according to him, they would ruin his life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 983

You deserved it 5 809

Today, I was excited to teach my new puppy how to fetch. I threw the stick, and he just stared at it, then stared back at me with his tongue lolling out, as if to say, "You threw it. You go get it." I’ve now spent the past 30 minutes fetching my own stick, hoping he'd join in. Nope. FML

I agree, your life sucks 133

You deserved it 301

The Top

Today, I experienced gay panic. I've felt like this before, but all the other people of the same gender I've liked I had no chance with. This time, I might have a chance with this person, if I don't screw it up like how I did last time. Please please please don't be straight or already taken. FML

I agree, your life sucks 480

You deserved it 478

Today, I was babysitting some kids and helping them make a poster about insects. They couldn't think of any more insects to add so I suggested a spider, and got told to "not be a dumbass, spiders aren't insects they're arachnids." The girl is six. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 930

You deserved it 55 996

Today, my boss showed me how he wants his office redecorating. We have employees on minimum wage and yet he wants a private bathroom, large screen TV, sofa and PlayStation, and a decorative suit of armour, all in an office that’s already bigger than my one bedroom flat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 572

You deserved it 95

Today, as I was instructing our new third grade students about how our martial arts classes are safer than people think, someone broke their leg right in front of their innocent faces. They saw the bone sticking out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 385

You deserved it 1 073

Today, I complimented a guy on his Van Gogh costume. As it turns out, he had an infection in his ear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 266

You deserved it 1 614

Today, it appears that my girlfriend visited an internet web page called "How to confess to having an affair." FML

I agree, your life sucks 79 086

You deserved it 5 378

Same thing different taste

Creeped out

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