Intimacy: Today, I woke up to the sight of a zucchini and a condom on my...

By Madeline Lee - 09/04/2012 21:34 - France - Pessac

Today, I woke up to the sight of a zucchini and a condom on my bedside table, along with a note saying "I know it's tough being single." Apparently my mom has boundary issues, my dad will laugh at anything, and the fact I just got dumped means nothing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 687

You deserved it 3 037

When Christmas Ends Badly…
Rather than debating politics with Uncle Roger for the umpteenth time, share the best Christmas FMLs to finally have a good family meal! More…

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Same thing different taste

Denial

By innocent - 06/01/2015 03:11 - United States

Today, my father seems to be having an affair. A used condom was carelessly left on his nightstand and my mother found it. She refuses to believe that my boyfriend and I are not responsible. As punishment I am "no longer allowed to see him." We're both 22 and live together in our own apartment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 348

You deserved it 3 362

By rahrahcakes - 19/03/2012 07:36 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, my mum cleaned my room. When I got home she yelled at me for having condoms. I'm 24 years old and in a long term relationship. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 777

You deserved it 12 804

By Dickhead - 25/11/2011 15:02 - Lebanon

Today, I found a condom on my bed with a note written by my girlfriend that said, "Since you started acting like a dick, you might as well dress like one." FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 541

You deserved it 62 312

Message in a mattress

By FASHlONABLE - 05/04/2010 07:32 - United States

Today, I came back from a week long class trip. My mother took it upon herself to replace my bed sheets and clean my room. Apparently, she found a note under my mattress from my ex-boyfriend. It said "For all you future dudes, Connor was here first!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 316

You deserved it 10 027

By Anonymous - 02/12/2010 21:50 - United States

Today, my girlfriend told me she wanted get to know my mom, so they went off and had a chat. After an hour, I noticed my girlfriend was gone and my mom was waiting for me. Apparently I've been dumped through my mother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 562

You deserved it 2 880

Kinda sweet

By cakegirl - 26/05/2009 01:15 - United States

Today, my boyfriend invited me over, so I went, not thinking anything of it. To my surprise, he broke up with me. I was pretty upset, and as I was leaving his mom handed me a box. When I got home, I opened it. His mom had baked me a break-up cake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 457

You deserved it 3 815

Kinda cute

By anon - 09/09/2013 15:15 - United States - Mantua

Today, I woke up and found $30 slipped under my door with a note that read, "Please buy yourself a quieter vibrator. - Mom and Dad." FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 410

You deserved it 26 009

By Anonymous - 08/08/2019 22:00 - United States - Houston

Today, my mom barged into my room, threw 5 boxes of condoms at me, then said, "So you don't get pregnant". She still hasn't accepted the fact that I'm a lesbian. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 906

You deserved it 341

Good catch

By Anonymous - 17/03/2011 23:52 - United States

Today, my father came over to my house. I realized there were condoms on the table, so I subtly moved a vase to hide them. He then gave me an unamused look and said, "I know you have sex. You've been married for nine years. Grow the fuck up, dumbass." FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 585

You deserved it 91 005

Thanks for nothing

By John-John - 06/03/2017 15:00 - United States - Jackson

Today, I got break-up text. She called me a poor, broke, little dick, sorry excuse for a man and said that my mom should have swallowed me "as an egg". She also said that no one could ever want me. Thing is, I haven't had a girlfriend in 2 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 066

You deserved it 447

redbluegreen 40

Tuesday 10 April 2012 3:49

They're just trying to fill all your empty holes.

AlexRen 21

Tuesday 10 April 2012 3:48

Look on the bright side at least the vegetable can't get you pregnant.

Comments

Angelous505 5

Tuesday 10 April 2012 8:25

84- sounds like an Adult Swim game to me haha

XanderJayNix 17

Tuesday 10 April 2012 9:25

Because being #1 wasn't good enough?

ClaremoreZebra 8

Tuesday 10 April 2012 9:28

I don't know man, I think it'd be pretty funny dressing up as a nun while drinking and running around scaring people.

deliriousbasil 0

Tuesday 10 April 2012 11:32

No worries, OP is French...

spottyblanket 8

Tuesday 10 April 2012 12:26

HAWT

Crazberry 5

Tuesday 10 April 2012 13:30

Lol some of the comments are as funny as the fml. I'm sorry OP, I know being dumped sucked but if he dumped you then he wasn't worth it in the first place. You'll be fine :)