Intimacy: Today, I woke up to the sight of a zucchini and a condom on my...

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By Madeline Lee - 09/04/2012 21:34 - France - Pessac

Today, I woke up to the sight of a zucchini and a condom on my bedside table, along with a note saying "I know it's tough being single." Apparently my mom has boundary issues, my dad will laugh at anything, and the fact I just got dumped means nothing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 691

You deserved it 3 040

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Same thing different taste

Denial

By innocent - 06/01/2015 03:11 - United States

Today, my father seems to be having an affair. A used condom was carelessly left on his nightstand and my mother found it. She refuses to believe that my boyfriend and I are not responsible. As punishment I am "no longer allowed to see him." We're both 22 and live together in our own apartment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 367

You deserved it 3 362

By rahrahcakes - 19/03/2012 07:36 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, my mum cleaned my room. When I got home she yelled at me for having condoms. I'm 24 years old and in a long term relationship. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 793

You deserved it 12 816

By Dickhead - 25/11/2011 15:02 - Lebanon

Today, I found a condom on my bed with a note written by my girlfriend that said, "Since you started acting like a dick, you might as well dress like one." FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 543

You deserved it 62 324

Message in a mattress

By FASHlONABLE - 05/04/2010 07:32 - United States

Today, I came back from a week long class trip. My mother took it upon herself to replace my bed sheets and clean my room. Apparently, she found a note under my mattress from my ex-boyfriend. It said "For all you future dudes, Connor was here first!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 327

You deserved it 10 031

By Anonymous - 02/12/2010 21:50 - United States

Today, my girlfriend told me she wanted get to know my mom, so they went off and had a chat. After an hour, I noticed my girlfriend was gone and my mom was waiting for me. Apparently I've been dumped through my mother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 573

You deserved it 2 883

Get out

By Kicked - 25/02/2025 14:00 - United States

Today, my dad found condoms in my room and kicked me out of the house. I know I’m 22 but I have nowhere to go. When I told him this, he threw a rolling suitcase at me and told me, “You have somewhere to go now - your boyfriend’s house!” I don’t even have a boyfriend, just casual random hookups. FML

I agree, your life sucks 328

You deserved it 261

Kinda sweet

By cakegirl - 26/05/2009 01:15 - United States

Today, my boyfriend invited me over, so I went, not thinking anything of it. To my surprise, he broke up with me. I was pretty upset, and as I was leaving his mom handed me a box. When I got home, I opened it. His mom had baked me a break-up cake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 464

You deserved it 3 820

Kinda cute

By anon - 09/09/2013 15:15 - United States - Mantua

Today, I woke up and found $30 slipped under my door with a note that read, "Please buy yourself a quieter vibrator. - Mom and Dad." FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 422

You deserved it 26 021

By Anonymous - 08/08/2019 22:00 - United States - Houston

Today, my mom barged into my room, threw 5 boxes of condoms at me, then said, "So you don't get pregnant". She still hasn't accepted the fact that I'm a lesbian. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 911

You deserved it 343

Good catch

By Anonymous - 17/03/2011 23:52 - United States

Today, my father came over to my house. I realized there were condoms on the table, so I subtly moved a vase to hide them. He then gave me an unamused look and said, "I know you have sex. You've been married for nine years. Grow the fuck up, dumbass." FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 588

You deserved it 91 019

redbluegreen 40

Tuesday 10 April 2012 3:49

They're just trying to fill all your empty holes.

AlexRen 21

Tuesday 10 April 2012 3:48

Look on the bright side at least the vegetable can't get you pregnant.

Comments

xplainphrox 8

Wednesday 11 April 2012 5:23

Omg TFF

xplainphrox 8

Wednesday 11 April 2012 5:25

You are having wayyy too much fun at her expense... You're a sick ****.... LOVE IT- HAHA

jlperry31 10

Wednesday 11 April 2012 7:59

Use a squash, it has a curve and it's ribbed for his/her pleasure lmao

alexk92 6

Wednesday 11 April 2012 12:36

I don't even know what a Zucchini is...

iHateHippiesToo 6

Wednesday 11 April 2012 22:03

Your parents are awesome.

primadonna9396 16

Thursday 12 April 2012 0:03

Best #1 comment I've ever seen on here, bravo sir. OP, even if you didn't find it funny, YDI for being a miserable bitch over teenage 'relationship' bullshit.

joeychan 0

Saturday 14 April 2012 1:23

I'm here :)

Skelebitch 0

Thursday 19 April 2012 11:54

And we care about you being dumped, why?

hokeybby17 0

Friday 20 April 2012 2:39

Did you uses it ?!?;)

gardenwhipped3 14

Monday 23 April 2012 8:41

take a little bit of pity on your dad. your mom has boundary issues at least you can get away from her sometimes. he is OWNED by her. He was probably laughing about the stuff your mom does to him that he can't really tell you about.