By TeeJay - 01/06/2009 14:06 - United States

Spicy
Today, it was my birthday, and my wife gave me a sex toy for self-masturbation. She even showed me how to properly use it so I can masturbate myself. FML
I agree, your life sucks 64 482
You deserved it 7 481
Carnival of Disasters
Dive into carnival, where hilarious costumes meet unexpected mishaps. Laughter is guaranteed, mask or no mask! More…
Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

Next

Top comments

AndelleRae 9

Self-masturbation? Is there any other kind? Lol. I'm sorry. I'm not usually a grammar Nazi on these websites, but I felt like being a smart ass. Maybe she got it for you to spice things up in your sex life? She might like the idea of you using it. I don't know. I don't really think this is an FML, but I'm sorry that you were unhappy with it.

83 11
Eresbel 0

This isn't an FML, this is just an idiot who doesn't realize what a nice wife he has. She doesn't have to have sex with you whenever you want, but she still wants you to be happy and satisfied, so she buys you an aid to help you out whenever she can't. That's thoughtful and kind. F your wife's life because she's got such a prick for a husband.

52 9

Comments

Nakedsquirrel 5

"Self-masturbation"? "********** myself?" Pretty redundant there. No one masturbates someone else.

0 0
Tamim_ibn_Aqa 0

You should use it so often that she'll start to get jealous. Maybe her drive will go up and/or she'll want more. Couldn't hurt, either way. Unless you're prone to chafing. :)

0 0
GrapefruitZoe 0

#65, we've gone through this. You're wrong.

0 0
BikerMike 0

Tell her you want to give her a facial and then use it and blow a wad in her face

0 0
GrapefruitZoe 0

WOULD EVERYONE STOP BEATING UP ON THE WIFE? THAT WAS NICE OF HER, AND IF THE HUSBAND IS TOO SELFISH TO SEE IT, HE NEEDS IT EVEN MORE!

0 0
ohhhhshizzz 0

#65: Do you READ the comments before you post, buddy? You are NOT right. OP: Maybe, your wife has to go on a big trip for her job but it isn't for sure and she doesn't wanna jinx you so she's getting you prepared. IDK, just a thought. Anyway, at least you have a new sex toy!

0 0
rallets 22

so whats the problem?

0 0
Burner2K0 0

Great when your not getting any! :)

0 0
mylifeisfuckedd 0

#16 its actually the opposite of an oxymoron

0 0