Intimacy: Today, it was my birthday, and my wife gave me a sex toy for...

By TeeJay - 01/06/2009 14:06 - United States

Today, it was my birthday, and my wife gave me a sex toy for self-masturbation. She even showed me how to properly use it so I can masturbate myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 473

You deserved it 7 480

Winter: Snow and Funny News
Snuggle up and laugh with our winter stories, where snow isn't the only thing sliding around! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

By AMIGODO - 12/02/2011 15:13 - Netherlands

Today, It was my birthday and my friends came to celebrate it. My parents thought it would be funny to give me a vibrator in front of everybody. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 863

You deserved it 5 119

How can I make this about me?

By Anonymous - 04/02/2022 18:01

Today, it's my birthday. My wife took me to my favorite restaurant for dinner. She made me pay for my birthday dinner, along with hers. She also got me a gift card to HER favorite store. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 114

You deserved it 164

Sharing is caring

By Can't Unsee - 25/08/2018 22:00

Today, my mother found my sex toys. To make me "feel better" she showed me hers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 176

You deserved it 575

By Anonymous - 30/04/2009 02:03 - United States

Today, I turned 35. I was given my first-ever orgasm by the best lover I've ever had: a massaging shower head from Wal-Mart. That I bought for myself. It was the only gift I received. FML

I agree, your life sucks 110 226

You deserved it 17 609

By PlayTag - 05/02/2009 00:58 - United States

Today, my girlfriend gave me a blow-up doll and told me to practice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 850

You deserved it 18 701

Denied

By Anonymous - 05/09/2020 02:02

Today, my wife asked me what I wanted for my birthday, and I said sex. She told me to grow up and ask for something more realistic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 943

You deserved it 376

By mylifesucks - 18/04/2009 07:20 - Netherlands

Today, I celebrated my 21st birthday. My boyfriend of almost 3 years gave me a big pink vibrator. Thinking it was a joke I said: "I won't need this as long as I have you!" His reply: "That's what I wanted to talk to you about." FML

I agree, your life sucks 123 376

You deserved it 7 035

Thanks, I guess…

By Anonymous - 21/09/2013 18:10 - United States

Today, it's my birthday. I don't mind crappy gifts, but I have to wonder why the hell my boyfriend bought me a home enema kit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 140

You deserved it 4 170

By Amazon Ruined My Life - 28/12/2018 14:00

Today, my mother opened her birthday gift in front of my entire family. Two days ago, I ordered an essential oil diffuser and flesh light from Amazon. Guess which one she got? FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 236

You deserved it 3 427

By Ohgodhelpme - 25/10/2018 03:00

Today, my boyfriend bought me a vibrator for my birthday. Sounds sweet, right? Then he invited my 10/14-year-old cousins to our house. They surprised me in my room. While I was using it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 547

You deserved it 776

AndelleRae 9

Monday 1 June 2009 20:07

Self-masturbation? Is there any other kind? Lol. I'm sorry. I'm not usually a grammar Nazi on these websites, but I felt like being a smart ass. Maybe she got it for you to spice things up in your sex life? She might like the idea of you using it. I don't know. I don't really think this is an FML, but I'm sorry that you were unhappy with it.

Eresbel 0

Monday 1 June 2009 20:20

This isn't an FML, this is just an idiot who doesn't realize what a nice wife he has. She doesn't have to have sex with you whenever you want, but she still wants you to be happy and satisfied, so she buys you an aid to help you out whenever she can't. That's thoughtful and kind. F your wife's life because she's got such a prick for a husband.

Comments

tfkelley20 0

Saturday 6 June 2009 9:29

LOL FLESHLITE

imaweasal 0

Saturday 6 June 2009 22:29

lol thats pretty cool maby she got it for u for when shes not there

Anonymous485 1

Tuesday 9 June 2009 21:40

Did she demonstrate how...? If so, you might have bigger problems than not getting any...

FoundManyLemons 0

Friday 12 June 2009 2:17

Ouch.

CasualMaggot 0

Friday 12 June 2009 2:23

She is probably turned on by watching you do it... or probably not. In that case, FYL

xn8gx 0

Friday 12 June 2009 5:03

Wait....she gave you something to help you ********** yourself? I kind of understand how this could make sense if you have a muscular disorder in your hand or something, and I know that a lot of women use toys like that too, but in a normal situation, does any guy really need something to help them ********** besides ****? I didn't really think we needed a whole lot more really...and yes I know that you can ********** other people, I'm not saying you can't, I'm just saying it's rare that you find a guy who needs help with "self-masturbation".