By TeeJay - 01/06/2009 14:06 - United States

Spicy
Today, it was my birthday, and my wife gave me a sex toy for self-masturbation. She even showed me how to properly use it so I can masturbate myself. FML
I agree, your life sucks 64 473
You deserved it 7 480
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Same thing different taste

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Top comments

AndelleRae 9

Self-masturbation? Is there any other kind? Lol. I'm sorry. I'm not usually a grammar Nazi on these websites, but I felt like being a smart ass. Maybe she got it for you to spice things up in your sex life? She might like the idea of you using it. I don't know. I don't really think this is an FML, but I'm sorry that you were unhappy with it.

83 11
Eresbel 0

This isn't an FML, this is just an idiot who doesn't realize what a nice wife he has. She doesn't have to have sex with you whenever you want, but she still wants you to be happy and satisfied, so she buys you an aid to help you out whenever she can't. That's thoughtful and kind. F your wife's life because she's got such a prick for a husband.

52 9

Comments

Parasomnia 0

I wanted so much to say "Your life is ******" on the site. But I couldn't bring myself to. No matter how much this situation sucks, the truth is, your life isn't ******. And certainly won't be by your wife for a long, long time.

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Ughsucks 0

#27 First thing I thought was his wife is cheating on him, he's incredibly overweight, or he just outright sucks. I don't see how a fleshlight is a proper present for a guy. I'd never buy my wife some sex toy for a gift, how emasculated would you have to feel to hand your job over to a piece of plastic.

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blowyourspeakers 0

aaarh, come on - that's kinda sweet! some women consider masturbation adultery. be happy, dude.

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treli1593 0

How did she show you how to use it? Depending on the answer...that's hot as ****

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Ocilator 0

gotta love #21! I think that would be a hilarious situation. Who knows it might actually work lol

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johnnyub40 0

You should cheat on her with the babysitter.

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Ocilator 0

#38...how would that solve anything?

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Ughsucks 0

#39... depending on how attractive the babysitter was, it could solve quite a bit.

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Books4Me 0

To #34- I've gotten vibrators as presents from boyfriends before and believe me, they are some of my favorite gifts! And they have certainly not ruined my sex life with my guy at the time. Sometimes you just get the urge and your SO can't be there! Mine lives 3 states away. I'd say you have problems with your masculinity if that's how you feel about giving a vibrator as a gift. F your poor wife's life!

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alayna100 0

i don't see how adding a toy for a guy can spice things up...

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