Intimacy: Today, my boyfriend's idea of foreplay was to offer to make lunch,...

By fuckadaisical - 06/12/2013 20:23 - United Kingdom - Pontypridd

Today, my boyfriend's idea of foreplay was to offer to make lunch, leave the room for a few minutes, then come back with no clothes on and offer me a "cockmeat sandwich". FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 435

You deserved it 8 901

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Same thing different taste

Kinky

By sandwichsex - 08/08/2009 22:39 - United States

Today, me and my boyfriend were fooling around on my bed when things started to get heated. I said to him, "Do what ever you want". He got up and said he'd be right back. I thought he went to get a condom. He came back with a sandwich. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 182

You deserved it 12 019

Dirty talk

By Username - 24/02/2010 15:06

Today, as I was in the middle of giving my boyfriend head, he looked at me and said "Eat that cockmeat sandwich." He seriously thought it was a turn on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 781

You deserved it 4 766

By fmysexlife - 27/07/2009 05:06 - United States

Today, I told my boyfriend I was really horny. He then gave me the link to his favorite "porn". He said I should do it for him. It was a youtube video of some girl making a sandwich. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 633

You deserved it 15 439

Sensual world

By Anonymous - 16/10/2015 15:05 - United Kingdom - Eastleigh

Today, I had to explain to my boyfriend about the importance of foreplay, and that attempting to get me "in the mood" by whipping his cock out and air humping was roughly equivalent to throwing a dry teabag at me and claiming he made a cup of tea. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 239

You deserved it 3 011

Hangry sex

By Krissy - 06/04/2012 02:11 - United States

Today, during sex, my boyfriend stopped and asked if he could eat a sandwich while we do it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 183

You deserved it 4 856

Break time

By Samantha K - 19/10/2020 20:08

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend when he stopped and got dressed. Naked and confused, I figured he’d be right back. Yeah, 20 minutes later with a plate of food for himself. So much for sex. It would've been nice if he told me though. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 606

You deserved it 207

How could you?

By datingmrpicky - 22/08/2011 03:44 - United States

Today, my boyfriend told me he wouldn't have sex with me because yesterday I ate a sandwich in his bed and got crumbs in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 504

You deserved it 36 979

By sissydlk - 02/12/2010 15:54 - United States

Today, my wonderful boyfriend asked me if I wanted him to cook me scrambled eggs with sausage for breakfast. When I said yes, he pulled out his junk, and started shaking it violently in my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 279

You deserved it 10 376

By Patricia - 01/10/2011 23:30 - United States

Today, I tried to have sex with my boyfriend three times, but every time he insisted that he wasn't in the mood. I left to get food and when I came home, he was masturbating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 567

You deserved it 5 721

By notsohot - 25/08/2019 00:01

Today, I showed up at my boyfriend's house with nothing under my coat but some sexy lingerie. He told me he was working on an assignment, and made me wait three hours before he'd have sex with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 329

You deserved it 2 300

niatross 16

Saturday 7 December 2013 1:54

Well did you like it

Nyx_fml 23

Saturday 7 December 2013 1:56

It's sweet that he cares about keeping you well-fed.

Comments

Luffy1992 2

Monday 9 December 2013 22:18

That's classy as ****

Blavock 12

Tuesday 10 December 2013 0:47

Your boyfriend is a shellfish Goddam retard

17krorob 7

Tuesday 10 December 2013 5:39

Well daayyyuummm if i were a girl i would of had the biggest **** meat sandwich i could because I know i would have been hungry around lunch time

skylee_fml 9

Wednesday 11 December 2013 12:27

lucky bitch haha

TcheQ 12

Wednesday 18 December 2013 4:08

Take a really powerful bite next time, then claim you're not actually hungry

AgentPlatypus73 8

Friday 3 January 2014 3:56

BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

blala2733 5

Monday 13 January 2014 5:45

Hahaha that is the best!!! I would have taken that shit!!

Deerslayer1400 6

Monday 17 March 2014 7:36

Was it a foot long or only a kiddies 6inch? Subway eat flesh ;)

Izabel12 7

Saturday 26 April 2014 4:47

You gotta him point for creativity! :D

kaoticroy 10

Sunday 6 July 2014 6:39

You should 69 you both get to eat a meal at the same time

Keywords

Miscellaneous Embarrassing Awkward Sleep Work Love Dating Am I overreacting? Annoying Health Parents Mental health Furniture Kids Friends Gross Public freakouts Fight Neighbours Cops Drugs Relatable Medication Dogs Animals Teenagers Ironic Video games Gamers Zoom

The Top

Today, at my sister's engagement party, my cousins thought it would be funny to get my nanna drunk. They regretted it when she told them, and everyone else at the party about her sex life and how she fakes orgasms with my grandpa. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 294

You deserved it 9 653

Today, I really wanted to spend a night of passion with my lover, so I'd arranged to meet him in a very classy hotel, gave him the room number, and waited for him in a super-sexy outfit. There was a knock at the door, so I opened it slowly and enticingly, assuming it was him. It was room service. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 406

You deserved it 11 953

The Top

Today, I babysat a 6-year-old boy for the first time. When I said it was his bedtime, he just screamed "Eat a dick!" at me. I was so shocked, all I could do was leave him be. When his parents returned, I had to make up an excuse for why he was still awake and watching TV, to save my pride. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 309

You deserved it 10 043

Today, I found out that my boyfriend of two years had proposed to his ex a few days behind and she had declined. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 565

You deserved it 3 216

Today, I walked into a store to buy a type of bread I like. The stuff was sold out, so I asked an employee when they'll be restocking it. The employee yelled at me, because, "They do have that bread," walks to the isle, and then when she saw that they really were out of the bread, she walked off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 220

You deserved it 133

Today, my mom told me I need to stop yelling and swearing at my girlfriend. Um, OK, first of all mom, she’s my ex because she cheated on me with my best friend since nursery school, and when she turns up drunk at my door at 4 a.m., you can bet I’m going to yell and swear until she goes away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 917

You deserved it 140

Today, my sister called me a selfish cow, all because I wouldn’t let her have a portion of my daughter’s life insurance check so she can go on a shopping spree. She’s more upset about that than her niece passing way. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 160

You deserved it 77

Today, I found out my dad ate my pet rabbit two years ago. He said he ran away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 357

You deserved it 4 185