why is everyone saying he's in the wrong for snooping? he didn't look in her drawers, he was in the bathroom with her when she left, that sounds to me like they were about to have a shower. if I can't find soap, the first place I look is the cupboard in the bathroom. it could be something as innocent as that, that said if I was staying at my girlfriends house for the first time, I'd wait till she'd returned first.

I can't believe no one has mentioned the fact that she's using a toy and not her hand, that's not an equal situation. Him using her hand and her using her hand is equal; him using a toy and her using a toy is equal. The equivalent would be if he owned and used something like a fleshlight. Calling it "cheating" is of course stupid, because she has the right to pleasure herself any way she sees fit. But I can and do understand the feelings of jealousy and possibly inadequacy he may have experienced - especially if the toy was bigger.

Is his hand cheating too?

I think if he didn't ********** or watch **** which many people do he would have told her by now.

I'm hoping it was sitting out somewhere rather than hidden away because if it were hidden away, that means he went through your stuff. I'd be tempted to tell him that going through your things was a dealbreaker and that it's impossible for you to cheat since you were now SINGLE. ;-) I personally don't think a vibrator/anything you'd use to ********** is cheating unless it prevented one of you from wanting to have sex with the other. Ug - just remembered an ex who took it upon himself to go through mythings, pull out my vibrator and fully expected me to be excited about the idea of him "incorporating" it into sex so he could jam it in me as I sucked him. Actually told me, "Now you don't have to use it alone because we can make it special now!" No. Just no. Totally ruined it for me. Completely

Id be dumping his ass. If he is already going through your things now (I'm assuming it wasn't in plain sight as otherwise I'm sure this conversation would have come up sooner), this isn't going to stop anytime soon. It will only escalate - to your phone and computer - and soon you wont be able to look sideways at a guy or go out with your friends without him accusing you of cheating andor wanting to know where you are. This guy has massive trust/insecurity issues and nothing you say or do will change it, it will just break you.

I sell toys and from what I've seen most men encourage their women to have toys. Maybe if you get him something he can use with you he will get more comfortable with your personal use one.

Well he overexagerated but if you get mad at him for jacking it to pornography...

Insecurity at its best

Red flag, OP. Sorry but going through your private stuff at the first opportunity, apparently seeing so little wrong with that that he was ok bringing it straight up, THAT level of insecurity and possessiveness and the temper thing all point to something pretty nasty.