Intimacy: Today, my boyfriend was going down on me for the first time....

By Kayt - 03/10/2011 04:38 - United States

Today, my boyfriend was going down on me for the first time. He stopped just as I was about to orgasm, and asked if I could finish by myself. Apparently he'd come up with a new algorithm for the Rubik's Cube on my desk and wanted to try it out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 495

You deserved it 4 656

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Same thing different taste

By you+me-clothes=53>< - 19/11/2013 17:13 - Austria - Vienna

Today, my boyfriend went down on me. I don't know why, but my mind wandered. He now thinks that he has the skills of a porn star, while I'm pretty sure that finally solving a mathematical problem I've been working on for a week caused me to orgasm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 094

You deserved it 9 053

By someone - 17/09/2013 16:38 - United States - San Diego

Today, I was lying naked on my boyfriend's bed for the first time ever. He glanced at me, then started playing with a Rubik's cube. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 601

You deserved it 6 921

By Highnapple - 04/03/2015 07:55 - Canada - Sarnia

Today, my boyfriend was pleasuring me with his hands. After two years of being together, he was finally about to make me orgasm for the first time by himself. Just as I was reaching my peak, he orgasmed at the thought of finishing me off and stopped. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 133

You deserved it 4 527

What is it?

By Anonymous - 06/08/2009 22:46 - United States

Today, while my boyfriend and I were having sex, I had my first orgasm. He thought something was wrong, so he stopped. FML

I agree, your life sucks 68 192

You deserved it 8 222

ADHD brain

By Unknown - 18/10/2011 04:50 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were going to have sex for the first time. He didn't know how to take off my bra and insisted that he'd figure it out on his own. He gave up a couple of seconds later and played video games instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 939

You deserved it 6 403

By anonymous - 02/11/2015 03:13 - United States - San Francisco

Today, was the first time giving head to my boyfriend. He couldn't finish, so I tried a handjob. In the end he kind of pushed my hand away so he could finish himself off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 314

You deserved it 7 527

No gods, no masters

By anon - 31/07/2015 20:28 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my boyfriend and I got intimate. It was his first time, which I guess explains him sticking his hand down my panties and practically bitch-slapping my vagina for the next 20 or 30 seconds. I stupidly faked an orgasm just to get him to stop. Now he thinks he's some kind of sex god. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 368

You deserved it 34 715

By Anonymous - 13/12/2009 05:19 - United States

Today, I let my boyfriend finger me for the first time. Today, I also learned, after fifteen very, very long minutes of it, how to fake an orgasm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 634

You deserved it 6 407

Follow the script

By ufhdafuhds - 19/03/2009 23:31 - Egypt

Today, I had sex for the first time with my boyfriend. It was his first time too. While in bed, he blankly stopped and stood up and got out a piece of paper from his pocket. Turns out he'd written instructions on what to do while in bed, and forgot what he had to do next. FML

I agree, your life sucks 139 399

You deserved it 14 504

By valerie - 28/05/2011 01:04 - United States

Today, I was giving my boyfriend a handjob for the first time. It took ages for him to get excited, and in the end the only thing that blew up was him, saying, "Oh my god, just stop it already." FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 045

You deserved it 18 790

The_Instigator 11

Monday 3 October 2011 12:04

That damned Rubiks Cube, I've still never solved one.

yamatelle 19

Monday 3 October 2011 12:13

OP, Rubik's Cubes are like penises. The more you play with them the harder they get.

Comments

komania 6

Monday 3 October 2011 13:37

I find it funny how many people don't know what an algorithm is :p

perdix 29

Monday 3 October 2011 13:42

I can help! It's was the guy who wrote "An Inconvenient Truth" lacks when he's dancing. YWIA. Toodles!

The_Troller 14

Monday 3 October 2011 13:46

Well I've got bad news for you if he was thinking of algorithms the whole time... Today, my girlfriend was so bad in bed that I had more fun thinking about algorithms than I did having sex. FML

FlashBurn 13

Monday 3 October 2011 13:48

It's been scientifically proven. Men can figure out a Rubik's Cube a lot more easily than figuring out a woman.

vic1226 0

Monday 3 October 2011 14:14

maybe because they eat out more?

perdix 29

Monday 3 October 2011 14:17

Grand Unification Theory is also easier!

fthislyfe 22

Monday 3 October 2011 14:31

As a woman, I can't figure that out myself either. Let alone men

icic6772 0

Monday 3 October 2011 14:16

Don't get between a man and his rubik's cube

bss36504 2

Monday 3 October 2011 14:24

I know what he means

JumbledGirl 2

Monday 3 October 2011 14:43

Annoying

perdix 29

Monday 3 October 2011 14:48

Was he Asian? That's why our economy is in the toilet -- while we're wasting time eating pussy and causing orgasms (fun activities, to be sure, but of zero legal commercial value), they're solving puzzles which probably leads to more efficient productivity! We're ******, both literally and figuratively.

Zaffro 8

Monday 3 October 2011 14:57

Finish the job at hand!! But There's a solid algorithm for solving one anyway. What a shitLAD get a rampant rabbit and sack him off.

nielzs 12

Monday 3 October 2011 15:02

This is really funny. You can't say he isn't focused.

loserman67 35

Monday 3 October 2011 15:12

I must ask, did he have to remove his pocket protector and black rimmed coke bottle glasses before he dove face first into your love nest? You should hve told him to keep doing the math so he could figure out the solution on how he was going to ever get into your pants again. Drop the chess-club geek and go date a football player, trust me, you'll never have to finish yourself off again...