Intimacy: Today, my brother looked me dead in the eyes and said his life...

By Anonymous - 03/06/2013 20:14 - Poland - Polska

Today, my brother looked me dead in the eyes and said his life goal is to find a way to jizz on everyone in the world. I'm scared. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 576

You deserved it 5 610

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 05/05/2009 21:42 - Canada

Today, I pissed my younger brother off. Seemingly unrelated to this was the fact that I left my laptop on in my room along with MSN signed into my email adress. Now, all my contacts know that I apparently "just love the warm feeling of semen sliding down my throat". FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 843

You deserved it 32 939

By Anonymous - 29/08/2015 23:01 - United States - Parkersburg

Today, my brother said he was cleaning his room. When I walked in, he was giving my cousin a blowjob. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 708

You deserved it 3 067

Rude awakening

By Alex - 22/02/2022 00:01

Today, my brother woke me up by hitting me in the face with a rubber dildo. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 206

You deserved it 229

Stop, please stop

By yuck - 05/06/2015 19:11

Today, I found out that what I thought was my brother gasping and groaning in his dreams most nights is actually him jacking off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 436

You deserved it 4 201

Coinkydink

By zAstonish - 28/11/2019 14:00 - Singapore - Singapore

Today, I realized that my brother is one of those people who comment on porn. I found out about it because he commented on my video. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 038

You deserved it 2 663

Privacy

By Anonymous - 20/07/2019 22:00 - Australia - Brighton

Today, I walked in on my brother masturbating. In the living room. For the second time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 905

You deserved it 257

Pissed

By holy - 21/10/2009 21:03 - United Kingdom

Today, I told my brother to piss off. He decided to do exactly that, from the balcony onto my lap. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 075

You deserved it 33 446

By Gross... - 16/08/2011 06:22 - United States

Today, my little brother proudly informed me that he found a way to suck pool water up his asshole. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 629

You deserved it 3 273

That's that, then

By Anonymous - 12/09/2020 08:02

Today, I walked in on my brother having sex. With my boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 591

You deserved it 210

You probably do

By Anonymous - 09/08/2021 22:01

Today, I woke up after a really intense wet dream. Problem is, I'd fallen asleep in the living room. My little brother saw the whole thing. Now he's going around telling family I need to get some. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 148

You deserved it 231

larryb1986 9

Tuesday 4 June 2013 1:11

I would start walking around in a poncho and carrying an umbrella

FightMyLiger 19

Tuesday 4 June 2013 1:11

Poland always gets hit first by these global assaults. World War J is upon us!

Comments

metalhead4740 14

Tuesday 4 June 2013 1:22

Well at least he has his priorities straight.

PaigeLeeAnn11 23

Tuesday 4 June 2013 1:26

At least he has a life goal, right?

Rodville 28

Tuesday 4 June 2013 1:30

This sounds like the plot to a really bad porno.

blondie107 20

Tuesday 4 June 2013 1:32

That's creepy O.o

splashface1 10

Tuesday 4 June 2013 1:33

I better not be jizzed on in the near future!

challan 19

Tuesday 4 June 2013 4:34

and yet your screen name begs for the money shot.

lyssgross 16

Tuesday 4 June 2013 4:45

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

Show it anyway

hama806 19

Tuesday 4 June 2013 10:46

58- it appears that splashface1 really wants a money shot.

_DudeGuy_ 16

Tuesday 4 June 2013 1:33

Everyone? Shit, I need to lock my doors.

SumBur 11

Tuesday 4 June 2013 1:39

Dead me in the eyes?

CoffeeChickBlows 13

Tuesday 4 June 2013 1:42

Well okay if you insist, but it'll cost ya $50.

SumBur 11

Tuesday 4 June 2013 3:45

I love when the post gets corrected and makes me look like a dumbass.

drew12089 2

Tuesday 4 June 2013 1:42

How are you typing this if you're dead?

jeepers_1 21

Tuesday 4 June 2013 5:40

warm bodies?

challan 19

Tuesday 4 June 2013 1:43

some people give from their hearts, and some from their wallets. your brother takes the hands on approach.

SWC_Penguin 17

Tuesday 4 June 2013 1:43

You're scared?? At least you know what he looks like! Now I'm afraid to go outside.

Keywords

Awkward Miscellaneous Embarrassing Work Sleep Dating Love Annoying Am I overreacting? Parents Health Mental health Furniture Kids Gross Friends Public freakouts Fight Cops Drugs Neighbours Medication Relatable Dogs Animals Teenagers Gamers Ironic Video games Job interview

The Top

Today, at the movies, some asswipe kept throwing candy at me. After 20 minutes of it, I got up and went over to get him to stop. Good news: his balls vanished faster than a politician's spine immediately after being elected. Bad news: I got kicked out for "starting a disturbance". FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 341

You deserved it 3 784

Today, I don’t know what’s wrong with me, I can only have sex with really fat men, because that’s what turns me on, yet as soon as the sex is over, through no fault of theirs, I have to run to the toilet to be sick because I can’t believe what I just had sex with. I’m so messed up in the head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 905

You deserved it 2 524

The Top

Today, I woke up early for work. Had my coffee, finished up a report and headed out of my house. Not only was the office closed today, but the silent alarm was on, which is triggered by a door opening even if you use a key. I was startled by the cops searching the building, ran, and got tased. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 810

You deserved it 6 753

Today, my boyfriend and I were going to have sex for the first time. He didn't know how to take off my bra and insisted that he'd figure it out on his own. He gave up a couple of seconds later and played video games instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 937

You deserved it 6 402

Today, every "entry level" job in my field is now requiring 2-5 years experience. I don't think they understand what "entry level" actually means. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 837

You deserved it 3 377

Today, I was hiking with my uncle. We were going down a slope, and I kept slipping. He jokingly pushed me just as we approached a big drop. I ended up with three fractured ribs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 610

You deserved it 1 010

Living that clumsy life!

I agree, your life sucks 243

You deserved it 92

Today, after 30 minutes of pre-heating the oven to make a special meatloaf for my husband's birthday, I remembered that I had hidden the cake in there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 661

You deserved it 32 066