Intimacy: Today, my brother looked me dead in the eyes and said his life...

By Anonymous - 03/06/2013 20:14 - Poland - Polska

Today, my brother looked me dead in the eyes and said his life goal is to find a way to jizz on everyone in the world. I'm scared. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 583

You deserved it 5 611

Valentine's Day: Love and Maladresse
Discover romantic anecdotes with a touch of awkwardness - because nothing expresses love better than a little discomfort! More…

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 05/05/2009 21:42 - Canada

Today, I pissed my younger brother off. Seemingly unrelated to this was the fact that I left my laptop on in my room along with MSN signed into my email adress. Now, all my contacts know that I apparently "just love the warm feeling of semen sliding down my throat". FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 846

You deserved it 32 945

By Anonymous - 29/08/2015 23:01 - United States - Parkersburg

Today, my brother said he was cleaning his room. When I walked in, he was giving my cousin a blowjob. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 715

You deserved it 3 067

Rude awakening

By Alex - 22/02/2022 00:01

Today, my brother woke me up by hitting me in the face with a rubber dildo. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 211

You deserved it 230

Stop, please stop

By yuck - 05/06/2015 19:11

Today, I found out that what I thought was my brother gasping and groaning in his dreams most nights is actually him jacking off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 443

You deserved it 4 205

Coinkydink

By zAstonish - 28/11/2019 14:00 - Singapore - Singapore

Today, I realized that my brother is one of those people who comment on porn. I found out about it because he commented on my video. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 041

You deserved it 2 671

Privacy

By Anonymous - 20/07/2019 22:00 - Australia - Brighton

Today, I walked in on my brother masturbating. In the living room. For the second time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 916

You deserved it 260

Pissed

By holy - 21/10/2009 21:03 - United Kingdom

Today, I told my brother to piss off. He decided to do exactly that, from the balcony onto my lap. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 075

You deserved it 33 448

By Gross... - 16/08/2011 06:22 - United States

Today, my little brother proudly informed me that he found a way to suck pool water up his asshole. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 633

You deserved it 3 274

That's that, then

By Anonymous - 12/09/2020 08:02

Today, I walked in on my brother having sex. With my boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 609

You deserved it 212

You probably do

By Anonymous - 09/08/2021 22:01

Today, I woke up after a really intense wet dream. Problem is, I'd fallen asleep in the living room. My little brother saw the whole thing. Now he's going around telling family I need to get some. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 154

You deserved it 234

larryb1986 9

Tuesday 4 June 2013 1:11

I would start walking around in a poncho and carrying an umbrella

FightMyLiger 19

Tuesday 4 June 2013 1:11

Poland always gets hit first by these global assaults. World War J is upon us!

Comments

dead_insects 18

Tuesday 4 June 2013 3:32

don't think he'll make it far in the world before someone rips his little dick off...

ladytigerhunts 20

Tuesday 4 June 2013 4:23

Well, how old is your brother? If he's past teenhood, then I WOULD worry.

griggypop 4

Tuesday 4 June 2013 4:43

The scariest thing for you, OP, is that he'll probably start with those closest to him.

lowshadows 21

Tuesday 4 June 2013 5:07

that's like 8 billion strokes lol

Smoxxii 17

Tuesday 4 June 2013 5:14

My life goal is to meet Gray Fullbuster... It's really pretty sad... But I must... I want to be a wizard. God damn it.

King_paradox 22

Tuesday 4 June 2013 5:15

Sticky situation

jeepers_1 21

Tuesday 4 June 2013 5:42

Well citizens of the world, we best keep our eye on the sky! Or be splooged on of course!

theworldismad 10

Tuesday 4 June 2013 6:01

I'm scared too. I don't want your brother's **** on you

journeytotheend 16

Tuesday 4 June 2013 6:06

I'll cut his body off if he does

BabyrooKid 11

Tuesday 4 June 2013 6:17

How do you know that he hasn't already "marked" you?

Keywords

Food Toxic Miscellaneous Family Gross Valentine's Day Love Health Home improvement Homeowners Awkward Drugs Kids Babysitter Music Lonely Crush Wanker Intimacy Relatable Cats Animals Work Coworkers Airplanes Transportation Sleep Embarrassing Mental health Cute

The Top

Today, I was informed that my boyfriend's mother would be joining us on our Valentine's dinner. I'm not sure if this momma's boy thing is going to work out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 090

You deserved it 3 602

Today, I was on a blind date with a girl my friend set me up with. We went to a fancy restaurant and she ordered the shrimp. I told her, "I'm allergic to shrimp, so you shouldn't order it in case I want to kiss you later." She looked at the waiter and said, "I'll have the shrimp." FML

I agree, your life sucks 68 414

You deserved it 36 027

The Top

Today, my "future" wife got drunk in front of my parents, who she was meeting for the first time. She called my dad a piece of shit and told my mom she wants to tear her own eyes out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 699

You deserved it 5 699

Today, my ex-boyfriend is still stalking me after several years. I asked him why he doesn't just move on and let me be. He replied that I drove him crazy one time when we were intimate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 173

You deserved it 163

Today, I remembered that the concert I bought tickets for over a month in advance was yesterday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 159

You deserved it 12 151

Today, at a very important company function where lots of the big bosses were, including the CEO of the company, I absentmindedly introduced the executive director whose name is Whitney as “Whitney Houston.” On stage. In front of ALL of them. I’ll never live this down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 713

You deserved it 409

Today, I thought I could make my own skincare products from scratch, but I ended up with a weird, greasy concoction, which left a red mark on my hands. It's been two hours and the mark is still there, despite several washes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 269

You deserved it 1 393

Today, I was stuck on a bus for an hour with a wasp buzzing around. I have a severe phobia of wasps. I was crying by time I reached my destination. FML

I agree, your life sucks 575

You deserved it 207