Intimacy: Today, my brother looked me dead in the eyes and said his life...

By Anonymous - 03/06/2013 20:14 - Poland - Polska

Today, my brother looked me dead in the eyes and said his life goal is to find a way to jizz on everyone in the world. I'm scared. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 583

You deserved it 5 611

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 05/05/2009 21:42 - Canada

Today, I pissed my younger brother off. Seemingly unrelated to this was the fact that I left my laptop on in my room along with MSN signed into my email adress. Now, all my contacts know that I apparently "just love the warm feeling of semen sliding down my throat". FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 846

You deserved it 32 945

By Anonymous - 29/08/2015 23:01 - United States - Parkersburg

Today, my brother said he was cleaning his room. When I walked in, he was giving my cousin a blowjob. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 715

You deserved it 3 067

Rude awakening

By Alex - 22/02/2022 00:01

Today, my brother woke me up by hitting me in the face with a rubber dildo. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 211

You deserved it 230

Stop, please stop

By yuck - 05/06/2015 19:11

Today, I found out that what I thought was my brother gasping and groaning in his dreams most nights is actually him jacking off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 443

You deserved it 4 205

Coinkydink

By zAstonish - 28/11/2019 14:00 - Singapore - Singapore

Today, I realized that my brother is one of those people who comment on porn. I found out about it because he commented on my video. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 041

You deserved it 2 671

Privacy

By Anonymous - 20/07/2019 22:00 - Australia - Brighton

Today, I walked in on my brother masturbating. In the living room. For the second time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 916

You deserved it 260

Pissed

By holy - 21/10/2009 21:03 - United Kingdom

Today, I told my brother to piss off. He decided to do exactly that, from the balcony onto my lap. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 075

You deserved it 33 448

By Gross... - 16/08/2011 06:22 - United States

Today, my little brother proudly informed me that he found a way to suck pool water up his asshole. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 633

You deserved it 3 274

That's that, then

By Anonymous - 12/09/2020 08:02

Today, I walked in on my brother having sex. With my boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 609

You deserved it 212

You probably do

By Anonymous - 09/08/2021 22:01

Today, I woke up after a really intense wet dream. Problem is, I'd fallen asleep in the living room. My little brother saw the whole thing. Now he's going around telling family I need to get some. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 154

You deserved it 234

larryb1986 9

Tuesday 4 June 2013 1:11

I would start walking around in a poncho and carrying an umbrella

FightMyLiger 19

Tuesday 4 June 2013 1:11

Poland always gets hit first by these global assaults. World War J is upon us!

Comments

WolfLady 18

Tuesday 4 June 2013 18:24

Well after he has tried that on some complete strangers he'll end up in prison. At which point there will be a whole new twist on that life goal.

rb4havoc 1

Tuesday 4 June 2013 20:16

He should aspire to be a tree then. They get away with jizzing on everything.

The_Pug 5

Wednesday 5 June 2013 0:14

I don't blame you.

The_Pug 5

Wednesday 5 June 2013 0:15

Probably both.

bloodangel1973 8

Wednesday 5 June 2013 1:26

Raindrops keep falling on my head.... Oh wait, that's not rain.....

JennNoVa 8

Wednesday 5 June 2013 2:22

Lock your door at night and sleep in a wetsuit just in case he can pick a lock! Ew!

alicr 2

Wednesday 5 June 2013 6:09

Quite the brother you have there....

Thestem 6

Wednesday 5 June 2013 7:28

you got yourself a stickey situation on your hands.

drizzy11 18

Wednesday 5 June 2013 20:37

What a ******* goal, holy ****

tangooscarmike 4

Wednesday 5 June 2013 21:31

Some walks of life would find that as reason to commit murder.

Keywords

Toxic Family Miscellaneous Food Love Health Valentine's Day Gross Homeowners Home improvement Babysitter Kids Awkward Drugs Music Crush Lonely Relatable Wanker Intimacy Animals Cats Coworkers Work Embarrassing Sleep Transportation Airplanes Mental health Cute

The Top

Today, I was drunk and broke my leg. I called 911, only for the cops to turn up and make me try to walk, with them saying that I was faking my injury. They arrested me for being drunk in public and hours later I finally got to an ER. I had to have surgery on my leg. FML

I agree, your life sucks 469

You deserved it 159

Today, I'm staying with my in-laws. My husband is fighting with his dad, who's fighting with his brother-in-law, who's fighting with his wife. The only ones not fighting are my sister-in-law and her boyfriend, who're getting along great on a squeaky mattress in the room next to mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 566

You deserved it 4 164

The Top

Today, my boyfriend's mom got him a shitload of Axe for his birthday. Now I get nauseous whenever I go near him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 901

You deserved it 5 486

Today, I live in my own house, but on my mom’s property. Whether I look outside towards the south, west, or east, I always look upon some ugly crap my mom has lying around. Except the north. On that side, it’s the neighbors’ crap. FML

I agree, your life sucks 306

You deserved it 324

Today, and since I found out that I'm pregnant, I've been sober. I used to smoke weed to help with me depression and anxiety, but now I can't even take prescription medicine for it. I'm about to throw hands at this point. FML

I agree, your life sucks 916

You deserved it 388

Today, after being unemployed for almost two years, I was turned down for yet another job. The reason this time? I live too far from the job. I can see the building from my bedroom window. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 527

You deserved it 4 610

Today, I knocked over a display case at a mall, shattering hundreds of dollars in goods. Embarrassed, I tried to scurry out of the nearest door without being seen. I scuttled right into the janitor's closet, the door automatically locking behind me. I waited for an hour to be let out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 077

You deserved it 48 765

Today, I was home alone when I heard the carbon-monoxide detector beeping. Panicking, I grabbed my dog, ran out of my house as fast as I could, and waited outside for 3 hours for my mom to get home. Turned out the detector was just out of batteries. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 454

You deserved it 7 683