Miscellaneous: Today, my girlfriend launched her own business. I was recently...

By Anonymous - 12/01/2016 18:04 - United States - Newtown Square

Today, my girlfriend launched her own business. I was recently laid off from my job, so I offered to be her very first employee. I now have the glamorous job of bleaching people's assholes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 928

You deserved it 6 969

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Same thing different taste

Trading places

By Anonymous - 26/03/2022 10:00

Today, my girlfriend who trained me at the job we both work at received a promotion, which left a spot for advancement. I was chosen for the position, and now the guy she's been cheating on me with is training me. Congrats. FML

I agree, your life sucks 953

You deserved it 128

By LesToiliettes - 25/03/2012 07:12 - United States - Mount Vernon

Today, was the first day of my new job. My boss admitted that they hadn't cleaned the employee bathroom for over two months. My first task: clean the employee bathroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 930

You deserved it 2 172

By Username - 19/05/2011 15:13

Today, I finally started my dream job. I turned up for work with a huge smile on my face. Imagine how much my face dropped when I saw that I had to share an office with the girl I stood up last weekend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 980

You deserved it 80 655

By kdeeeceee - 09/11/2011 05:59 - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I had dinner at my boss's house. Just before we were ready to eat, my girlfriend came to me with a desperate look in her eyes. Apparently, she took a dump, clogged the toilet, and it flooded. I took the hit for her, and now my boss thinks I'm a jackass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 524

You deserved it 4 586

Deadly cocktail

By blame the maid - 13/09/2020 17:02 - United States

Today, my very sheltered girlfriend decided to surprise me by cleaning our apartment. Although she grew up with housekeepers and maids, I thought it was common knowledge that you don’t try cleaning the bathroom with both bleach and ammonia. We still can’t go back inside our place. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 648

You deserved it 167

By replaced - 22/02/2016 03:03 - United States - Marietta

Today, my boss fired me because his girlfriend wanted the job I had. She has no experience whatsoever in my line of work, it was just his "anniversary present" for her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 226

You deserved it 1 669

Chick magnet

By Anonymous - 23/02/2024 05:00 - United States

Today, my girlfriend left town for a month to visit family. Meanwhile, the young woman I hired at my restaurant just got back from vacation with her natural hair color restored. It’s the same color as my girlfriend’s hair, and she made a pass at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 205

You deserved it 475

By StillHurt - 19/01/2010 06:44 - United States

Today, I started my job as a consultant at a shop that sells wedding dresses. My first client? The girl my ex-fiancé cheated on me with and left me for. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 471

You deserved it 2 262

By CheesyCasey - 30/05/2013 00:51 - United States - Detroit

Today, my workplace was issued aprons. I then became the first and only employee in the history of the business to set an apron on fire while using the grill. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 844

You deserved it 5 929

Overdoing it

By Zill - 17/11/2022 10:00

Today, my girlfriend has become such a workaholic that I found her sitting in her office, soaked in piss. When I called her out, she said she didn't want to take bathroom breaks anymore, and asked me to buy diapers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 287

You deserved it 129

mld4657 28

Wednesday 13 January 2016 1:27

Didnt you get a job description first?

youloveBC 14

Wednesday 13 January 2016 1:27

Well look at the bright side! You're making some money!

Comments

gobiteme2 34

Wednesday 13 January 2016 1:40

No fear dude you're using bleach, that keep the hands clean.

GeorgiaBea 28

Wednesday 13 January 2016 2:50

Or, ya know... Gloves.

itsthewayitis 10

Wednesday 13 January 2016 1:54

better than licking them

Dinderdon 20

Wednesday 13 January 2016 5:21

says you

willsnow18 11

Wednesday 13 January 2016 5:43

if its bleached why not!!!!

Britt125 16

Wednesday 13 January 2016 2:09

Yuck, but you made the offer. You should have known it was a possibility that or you needed to pay more attention to what this business was and/or what kind of jobs your girlfriend needed filled. So you deserve it.

StarkWolf_fml 23

Wednesday 13 January 2016 2:11

what kind of job requires you to do that?

Mathalamus 24

Wednesday 13 January 2016 2:20

that kind of job. bleaching assholes. probably for the very, very weird people.

smokecloud_ 37

Wednesday 13 January 2016 4:12

It's not just for "very, very weird people". People who are into butt stuff probably like to keep a clean fudge hole. I'm sure there are other reasons, too, but I wouldn't know what those are. I don't like anything to do with booty holes. x|

GeorgiaBea 28

Wednesday 13 January 2016 4:53

and **** stars!!! Cant forget them!

more4me 27

Wednesday 13 January 2016 14:05

The job that OP applied for with his GF, obviously!

jsan727 17

Wednesday 13 January 2016 2:24

Never volunteer for anything, you'll always get the shitty end of the stick

EmeraldArcher 10

Wednesday 13 January 2016 4:37

ba dew TSS

zarrganaut 17

Wednesday 13 January 2016 2:26

A job is better than no job.

nickie_94 18

Wednesday 13 January 2016 2:33

How desperate were you?

GhostFox 33

Wednesday 13 January 2016 2:34

Just... Why do people even want bleach there? And did you not ask what the job would entail prior to offering?

PANDORUM89 21

Wednesday 13 January 2016 19:49

that's what I'm concerned with. I've never had a guy ask me on a date and then go wait... do you bleach your asshole? my bf has never said babe really wish your asshole was bleached. So I get the **** star side of it. **** Stars are to Sex as Photoshop is to models. Make people believe this is what you should do and all that, but I can't believe people actually do this. like my bitchy neighbor could have a bleached bum...

MorbidInsanity 11

Wednesday 13 January 2016 2:34

Struggling to see why this is FML worthy. Sure there well be some moments, but generally that's a business that caters to the beautiful. Roll with it, bro!