Intimacy: Today, my girlfriend said, "People think I don't have talent,...

By drew_ar85 - 20/03/2010 16:30 - United States

Today, my girlfriend said, "People think I don't have talent, but I do. I'm really good with my mouth. Just ask anyone." FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 091

You deserved it 6 693

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Same thing different taste

By noname - 04/12/2008 05:55 - France

Today, after having waited three long months, my shy girlfriend finally gave me a blowjob. Everything was going really well until I said, "Wow, you're really talented. Anyone would think you've been practicing your whole life." FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 649

You deserved it 61 874

Harsh

By Anonymous - 17/10/2021 16:59

Today, while talking to the girl I have a crush on, I bragged how people tell me I have a voice for radio. She responded, "And the face for it too." FML

I agree, your life sucks 539

You deserved it 801

The Voice

By NotChadKrouger - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff

Today, I was auditioning for a talent show. I asked my girlfriend if I could sing to her before I went. She said sure. Thirty seconds in, she got up and mumbled, "You're only going to embarrass yourself." FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 740

You deserved it 15 159

By PlayboyBunny - 19/02/2011 07:20 - United States

Today, the sweetest thing my boyfriend ever told me was that I'd make a good porn star. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 634

You deserved it 8 640

By Dying Whale - 02/03/2017 04:00

Today, I tried singing in front of my friend. She said, "That's a hilarious voice! You should use that voice when telling jokes!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 697

You deserved it 744

By Anonymous - 10/07/2019 06:15

Today, I told my girlfriend she was beautiful. She replied, "Lit." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 589

You deserved it 259

Noise annoys

By Anonymous - 07/12/2009 05:31 - United States

Today, I told my boyfriend he is good at singing. Now he won't stop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 046

You deserved it 42 028

What's so funny?

By Puleksy - 14/08/2023 14:00 - Poland - Brzeg

Today, I said to my significant other, "I think I'm a pretty good catch." She started laughing so heavily that tears came out of her eyes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 685

You deserved it 220

By Sdutent - 01/03/2009 08:34 - United States

Today, I asked my girlfriend if she has ever had an affair. She replied, "Yes. With you". FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 252

You deserved it 7 371

Take it while you can

By thanks..? - 03/11/2018 17:30

Today, my dentist told me I had a good tongue. That's the best compliment I've gotten in months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 352

You deserved it 231

hpl_fml 0

Saturday 20 March 2010 22:01

wow just wow

karro 1

Saturday 20 March 2010 22:08

lol maybe she means talking? lol

Comments

kekelala3 0

Sunday 21 March 2010 5:48

maybe she didn't mean it that way...

ckrebbs 0

Sunday 21 March 2010 5:54

hahahhaahhaha your girl is a *****

disgruntledyouth 0

Sunday 21 March 2010 6:12

so she is on the speech and debate team?

coldinalaska 0

Sunday 21 March 2010 6:24

lmao

spyrogyro 2

Sunday 21 March 2010 6:55

hahahahaha!!!

cmac86 23

Sunday 21 March 2010 7:08

as one Arkansan to another- there are a lot of slutty girls around, aren't there. I hate this redneck, knocked-up at an early age state.

martindanny 0

Sunday 21 March 2010 7:18

u dun get it? what a retard thetre!

amazingjane 0

Sunday 21 March 2010 7:24

damn. just.....damn

caitea 0

Sunday 21 March 2010 7:28

maybe she meant she's a good talker, or singer..? -shrugs-

benloco619 0

Sunday 21 March 2010 7:34

say something stupid and you will get a retarded response

Keywords

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The Top

Today, I returned home to my parents' house, drunk. Hungry, I grabbed a slice of bread and some butter and took two mouthfuls. Five hours later, my mother woke me up and dragged me to the kitchen. In the middle of the table was a buttered, half-eaten sponge. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 636

You deserved it 42 714

Today, someone burgled my hotel room. As always, I had locked my passport, extra cash, and other valuables in the closet safe, so I thought the losses would be superficial. What a discovery that the safe hadn't been fastened to the closet shelf, so the thief just picked it up and took it home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 118

You deserved it 3 104

The Top

Today, I looked at my face to see if my new age-defying lotion was working. My skin does look younger, it's covered in pimples like a teenager's. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 132

You deserved it 5 558

Today, I was making some tea for my colleagues when I accidentally dropped the tea bag into my cup of coffee. I thought, "Why not?" and took a sip. It tasted like a caffeinated botanical disaster, and the whole office got to enjoy me retch for 10 minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 214

You deserved it 714

Today, police questioned me on behalf of my doctor, who couldn’t believe one person could use so much insulin, so he thinks I’m selling it to bodybuilders. I really do use it all myself, I use about 6 times as much as my sister who is also diabetic, and my diet is normal. I only weigh 10.5 stone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 510

You deserved it 118

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me for not letting her keep the 75 cents that she stole from my truck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 221

You deserved it 50 959

Today, after being fed up with my sarcastic, mouthy daughter, I decided to remove her TV from her room. I dropped it on my foot and broke two toes. She promptly said, "That's what you get." FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 690

You deserved it 1 828

Today, my boyfriend confessed that after every fight we have, he dips my toothbrush in the toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 399

You deserved it 5 428