Love: Today, my girlfriend thought it would be sexy to give me a naked... - FML

By bootyislife - 03/02/2015 04:36 - United States - Seattle

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend thought it would be sexy to give me a naked massage. She straddled my back and started rubbing, then she sneezed and peed on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 261

You deserved it 4 987

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Same thing different taste

By spitty - 14/04/2015 21:50 - United States - Willoughby

Today, I got a massage. Just as I was starting to relax, the massage therapist drooled on my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 520

You deserved it 2 188

By WorstMedicalBill - 20/11/2009 14:53 - United States

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend and I were getting it on when I realized I had to sneeze. Not wanting to sneeze on her, I tried my hardest to hold it in. When I climaxed, I couldn't hold it in any more and sneezed all over her face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 185

You deserved it 21 862

You coming?

By snotface - 23/04/2009 19:47 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend. She started panting harder and going, "AH, AH, AH..." and I thought she was about to come. Next thing I know, there's snot splattered all over my face and neck. Turns out it was a sneeze. FML

I agree, your life sucks 76 805

You deserved it 8 867

By Walter - 24/10/2015 03:17 - Spain

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend and I were getting heated. I kissed her on the neck, chest, stomach, and threw up as I kissed between her legs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 135

You deserved it 6 253

Nice outing

By Anonymous - 07/12/2019 05:00 - United Kingdom - London

Spicy

Today, I decided to treat my girlfriend by eating her out. After a while I thought she was going to cum, but instead she farted in my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 424

You deserved it 762

That'll do it

By Zippyzoo - 03/02/2009 22:16 - United States

Spicy

Today, when my boyfriend was about to orgasm, I suddenly sneezed all over his face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 351

You deserved it 9 135

By ThisIsMyLife - 04/06/2017 04:00

Today, while naked, my fiancée said there was something wrong with her butt. She turned around and I leaned in to look at it. She then farted in my face. On purpose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 561

You deserved it 1 618

We all do it. Don't we?

By Anonymous - 30/08/2010 07:30 - United States

Spicy

Today, I saw my girlfriend scratch her crotch and then sniff her fingers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 063

You deserved it 13 760

Hott

By hotheadslav - 21/06/2015 01:59 - United States - Warsaw

Today, I was on a date with a girl and everything was going great. As I took her back to her house and walked her to her door, I leaned in for a kiss. She seemed to really enjoy it, so I went for another but as I leaned in again, I sneezed uncontrollably, shooting her face with saliva and snot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 923

You deserved it 4 504

The sensual world

By Anonymous - 22/10/2011 21:51 - Canada

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend and I were both at home, sick. We decided to make the best of it and spent the day in bed together. Things got a little steamy, and we started making out. As I started kissing her neck, I got nauseous. Before I could pull away, I threw up all over her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 451

You deserved it 18 116

Next

Top comments

Devindelon 17

Tuesday 3 February 2015 14:50

So, I'm guessing there was no need for oil.

icedexplosion 19

Tuesday 3 February 2015 14:48

Was it sexy?

Comments

Johnnycake23 42

Tuesday 3 February 2015 15:21

I once let my fiancée pee on me. We grew so close afterwards!

clairesucks 37

Wednesday 4 February 2015 1:57

Well then, you and your fiancé have a weird relationship. Probably shouldn't assume everyone does

Tarlachia 33

Tuesday 3 February 2015 15:23

Just how exactly was she rubbing your back? ;) She rubbed the piss out of it, didn't she?

Wolfparable 22

Tuesday 3 February 2015 15:28

Okay so yes it's rather gross but 1. It was a nice gesture of her 2. I'm sure she was embarrassed so be nice And 3. I mean it's still kind of cute like not in the moment but a cute story later?

AutisticAbyss 10

Tuesday 3 February 2015 15:44

Your comments sir wolf never disappoint & for that I plus 1 you.

Cagara_fml 10

Tuesday 3 February 2015 15:30

some of us would kill for such an incident

WattledParsley 11

Tuesday 3 February 2015 18:49

Why are you all looking at me?

Earl_KarmasBitch 34

Wednesday 4 February 2015 2:53

Or you could just use pepper.

kingkobrastrikes 13

Tuesday 3 February 2015 15:36

On the plus side, at least she didn't shart!

R2Y2 22

Tuesday 3 February 2015 15:38

Shower Time! *wink*

finalyearsofhate 22

Tuesday 3 February 2015 16:03

I bet she was mortified.

catanita 18

Tuesday 3 February 2015 16:07

It was an unfortunate incident. Tell her it is ok so there will be naked massages in the future.

djwil13 7

Tuesday 3 February 2015 16:13

Lmfaoooooooooooooo

pedinhuh 23

Tuesday 3 February 2015 16:29

That's some weird kinky shit

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Keywords

Miscellaneous Family DIY Cats Work Poopoo peepee Awkward Management Frustration Am I overreacting? Capitalism Coworkers Relatable Transportation Animals ADHD Dogs Dating Love Mental health Health Anxiety Technology Sleep Noise Roommate Clumsy AITA Confused Parents

The Top

Today, I was bored, so I started to declutter my closet. I found a pair of jeans I hadn't worn in years and thought they'd fit. As I struggled to pull them on, the seam ripped really loud, and my cat shot out from under the bed like a spooked rocket. Apparently even my jeans feel the need to yell at me for getting too big. FML

I agree, your life sucks 466

You deserved it 300

Today, my sister was concerned that her daughter (my niece) was sick, and hesitant to take her to the ER. I asked if she'd eaten something she shouldn't have, and she replied, "No, especially since we feed her the most healthy food we can." This was fine until I flipped out when she said, "We even give her raw milk so that she'll be strong." FML

I agree, your life sucks 427

You deserved it 120

The Top

Today, I had to resort to telling my boyfriend that I have a praise kink, just so that he would actually compliment me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 014

You deserved it 271

Today, my husband needs the money from my job, but will in no way support me to work. He NEVER cooks, cleans, or picks up after himself. I've got no place to work, except a nook by the bathroom, and I have to manage my toddler, who always poops only when I'm in a meeting, and cries for me. Quitting my job is "out the question." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 100

You deserved it 241

Today, I managed to electrocute myself on a plug socket while I was showing a group of trainee electricians how not to electrocute themselves while rewiring a plug socket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 234

You deserved it 1 614

Today, I was told by a friend that my girlfriend has been cheating on me. Her defence was that if I had a bigger dick she wouldn't have been, in her words, forced to go elsewhere for sex. My mother's response when I confided this in her: "Ask me if I care." FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 336

You deserved it 5 041

Today, I went to my dentist of four years. After the cleaning, the hygienist and I scheduled my next appointment, and she briefly left the room, leaving my file open on the computer. The data in a field called "NOTE" caught my eye: "Sissy. Freak. Always late. Ask about family or will flirt." FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 414

You deserved it 29 068

Today, after two years of working from home, and being bugged by a relative every five minutes as I tried to work, I turned the tables by asking her something. I promptly got chewed out for interrupting something she was doing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 942

You deserved it 122