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Why is this an FML... You'd think OP would be ecstatic that none of his stuff was stolen.
When a thief says you have shitty stuff, I think its time to go shopping for new furniture...
How to thwart a burglar 101-have nothing to steal
That sucks. Check out websites on how to make it more difficult for people to break into your home. If it isn't easy to break in within a quick amount of time, they usually give up and hit another home.
Some of the tips are not expensive either. Getting stronger and longer screws in your door, longer strike plates, plant thorn bushes under 1st floor windows, the clear laminate to place over your windows to make it more difficult to Bust it....etc Doesnt matter if thugs think your stuff has no value, your peace of mind has value and you want to feel safe in your own home.
One man's treasure is another man's trash...
I think they took your grammar.
He must be richer than you, OP. Aww, I'm kidding. I know you've hidden all good things away from the burglars.
Keywords
They should've just moved everything around without taking anything as they did, but instead leave a note saying "you'll never figure out what we took". The years of therapy you would have to go through afterward would teach you to get better things.
FYL, OP when a thief doesn't even want your stuff