Miscellaneous: Today, my house got robbed. They left a note: "Next time, we...

By Anonymous - 18/07/2011 04:26 - United States

Today, my house got robbed. They left a note: "Next time, we steal your souls." FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 145

You deserved it 3 736

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Same thing different taste

By Sarah - 17/08/2012 07:45 - Canada - Penhold

Today, my house got broken into. They just made a mess. I saw a note on the kitchen table that read "There's nothing good here. You have shitty stuff." FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 140

You deserved it 3 069

By Anonymous - 26/06/2015 16:29 - United States - Woodland

Today, my house was robbed while I was at work. The robber left a note telling me my stuff was crappy and that they found my safe under the bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 649

You deserved it 2 160

By Anonymous - 21/07/2009 17:16 - United States

Today, I left a note on the kitchen table saying to leave the door unlocked because I lost my key. I come home to find our house ransacked and robbed. Minutes later, I found my key. In my pocket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 402

You deserved it 60 587

Neighborhood watch

By TheAnnoyedNeighbor - 03/10/2011 06:08 - United States

Today, I came back home to find that my house had been robbed, one week after my neighbors. I was walking around my neighborhood to see if anything was suspicious, and discovered that my neighbors had put up a sign, reading: "Rob the neighbors, THEY don't have a security system." FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 592

You deserved it 3 287

By Anonymous - 01/01/2011 05:29 - Canada

Today, I went out for New Year's. When I got back, I found my house had been broken into. I found a note saying, "Happy New Year, sucker." FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 024

You deserved it 2 927

By Anonymous - 17/09/2013 17:23 - United States - Bessemer

Today, I came home to find that my house had been broken into. After assessing the loss, I saw a taunting note on the fridge saying, "Locks work best when the door's SHUT." My housekeeper had apparently left the door wide open. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 611

You deserved it 4 060

By Aaron - 01/12/2011 22:00

Today, my house was broken into. How? My mom left a key under a flower pot on the porch. She also left a note on the door saying so. He stole all of my guitars. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 529

You deserved it 2 747

By racello13 - 02/11/2015 15:26 - United States - Baldwinsville

Today, I've been robbed. I came home to find my oven door missing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 455

You deserved it 1 814

By Amanda - 19/11/2010 05:14

Today, my house was broken into. Apparently, I have nothing good enough in my house to steal, so they took my cake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 335

You deserved it 3 839

By Lindso1 - 06/07/2018 01:30

Today, I came home to find my home had been broken into. Nothing was taken, but all the drains were plugged and the water left blasting on high, with a note that said “enjoy the mess”. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 223

You deserved it 244

TheRealBruce 12

Monday 18 July 2011 12:04

well y'all better put them in a safe

macdaddymady 8

Monday 18 July 2011 12:03

man that's some scary shit, it's time to move

Comments

kala_lanier 2

Monday 18 July 2011 14:37

EPIC MEAL TIME all of the way.

FeedMonkeyking 4

Monday 18 July 2011 14:38

When I went to Atheist initiation, they stole my soul and made an evil stew of Atheism out of it.

rattusrattus 18

Monday 18 July 2011 15:48

It tasted foul. We're never letting Dave in the kitchen ever again. Great BBQ chef but he cannot make a soul soup to save his life.

perdix 29

Monday 18 July 2011 14:42

How much crack money can you get from pawning a soul?

McGherkin 0

Monday 18 July 2011 20:08

No idea, but my money's on the burglars being you and every1luvsboners.

Awahso 25

Monday 18 July 2011 14:51

Soulstealer :0

MasterL 3

Monday 18 July 2011 14:52

funny

bischkeboy 3

Monday 18 July 2011 14:53

you ginger by any chance? if yes, you're in luck. you have no soul for them to steal! ;)

Frexual 0

Monday 18 July 2011 14:54

that's why I don't have one. Sold mine to the devil years ago. I mean, gotta keep it in safe hands.

Ballzdeepinya 0

Monday 18 July 2011 14:56

You got robbed by the top guy off of mortal kombat.

Bl0ndemoment 0

Monday 18 July 2011 15:06

best fml I've seen on this site by far!

pink_raindrops 26

Monday 18 July 2011 15:12

Whatever you do, don't run into the police station screaming "HELP, THEY'RE TRYING TO TAKE MY SOUL".

Keywords

Surprise Love Cute Texting My ex Awkward Wanker Intimacy Sex Health Insomnia Sleep Mental health Cooking Food Weekend Parents Kids Miscellaneous Pranks Annoying Embarrassing Work Technology Coworkers Zoom Roommate Argument Pizza Animals

The Top

Today, I was about to lose my virginity with my girlfriend of two years, when I got an urgent phone call from my 9-year-old sister, telling me I had to come home immediately. My grandma fell off the toilet and got stuck between the bowl and the wall. I'm not making this up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 307 272

You deserved it 20 888

Today, I was talking to my mother about my sex life, telling her, "If I want to have sex, I'm going to have sex." She looked at me for a moment and said, "You're staying a virgin until you get married." She wasn't ordering me, she was informing me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 315

You deserved it 8 594

The Top

Today, my sister told me she didn’t want me in her wedding pictures because I looked fat in my bridesmaid's dress. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 702

You deserved it 7 922

Today, I found out I wasn't invited to the annual family reunion. The reason? Everyone thinks I'm "creepy" because I'm the only adult who will go out and play with the kids. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 666

You deserved it 2 535

Today, while on a date, I went to take a sip of my drink, but for some reason I expected a straw to be there. I ended up wiggling my tongue and mouth around my glass looking for it as I kept my eyes on my date. It must've looked like I was trying to be seductive in the creepiest way possible. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 158

You deserved it 10 935

Today, I was violently sick. There was so much vomit forcing itself out that I dislocated my jaw. I continued throwing up with a dislocated jaw for an hour or so. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 254

You deserved it 152

Today, I was talking to a charming young lady on MSN by webcam. She suddenly asked me to take my glasses off for a minute; I did so, and she said, "Oh never mind, you're still just as ugly..." FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 124

You deserved it 2 607

Today, I walked in on my girlfriend cheating on me. The guy turned around and said, "Sorry, I borrowed your condoms." FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 379

You deserved it 3 886

Same thing different taste

Neighborhood watch

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