Health: Today, my husband and I had just got over a big argument, and...

By lemonhead - 23/05/2011 01:58

Today, my husband and I had just got over a big argument, and I asked him to cut me some cucumbers for my eyes to help me relax. I was laying down, eyed closed, and he set them on my eyes. They weren't cucumbers, they were lemons. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 924

You deserved it 47 472

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Same thing different taste

By jumpy - 03/01/2010 23:59 - United States

Today, I put cucumber slices on my eyes to help me relax. I found this very calming till I woke up to ants trying to eat my eyes out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 623

You deserved it 6 554

Experimental cuisine

By Nicky - 16/07/2024 09:00 - United States

Today, I was washing a sink full of lettuce that I'd grown, which had been in the hot sun. My husband was preparing fish for dinner and took all the juices that had drained off the raw fish, reached over my shoulder, and dumped the juice on my lettuce. I asked if that was the fish juice. He said no. FML

I agree, your life sucks 455

You deserved it 101

By torny>horny - 10/04/2011 04:42 - United States

Today, my husband tried to be romantic by throwing me in a bed laid with roses. Too bad he forgot to remove the thorns first. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 598

You deserved it 4 982

Childish doofus

By -__- - 26/12/2015 13:41

Today, I showed my husband a recipe for the meal I wanted us to make tonight. He saw cumin was an ingredient and broke into hysterics. By the time he managed to stop laughing, he gasped that he couldn't eat something "with cumin it" and broke down laughing again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 397

You deserved it 3 006

By FoxyManicLiar - 27/09/2010 21:06 - France

Today, I got a bad cut on my dominant hand while at work. My boss decided to order me to juice lemons... all 300 of them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 409

You deserved it 3 192

By Anonymous - 02/11/2013 17:34 - United States - Rowland Heights

Today, my husband and I were arguing, but I dropped it so we could calm down before discussing the matter again. Later on, he made us lasagna. The moment I swallowed the first mouthful, he smirked, then started snickering uncontrollably. What the fuck did he do to my food? FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 640

You deserved it 5 679

By Anonymous - 15/08/2018 20:30

Today, I rested my face against my boyfriend's shoulder while we watched a movie. I didn’t realize he had put Icy Hot on the same shoulder right before I sat down. I cried in pain. He cried with laughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 771

You deserved it 447

By Anonymous - 17/10/2009 16:26 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were messing around when he accidentally elbowed me in the eye and I couldn't see. He rolled over, turned on the football game, and told me to just walk upstairs and get ice. He also added that he would like a coke while I am up there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 955

You deserved it 5 305

By Brian - 18/03/2012 02:32 - United States - East Wenatchee

Today, while I was cuddling with my girlfriend, she looked at me and leaned in. Thinking she was going to kiss me, I leaned too. Just as we were about to kiss, she screamed "COW KISSES" and somehow managed to lick my eyeball. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 207

You deserved it 5 117

By 5p4571k - 25/05/2014 17:35 - Canada - Chilliwack

Today, I was cooking dinner for my children, managing for once not to screw up and hurt myself. Then, while chopping vegetables, I accidentally sliced my finger open. The same finger that was still covered in juice from a lemon I'd just squeezed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 968

You deserved it 7 580

spazmattic 0

Monday 23 May 2011 9:05

When wife gives you lemons...

Gallaghers 0

Monday 23 May 2011 12:51

She deserved it, if they just had a argument, he's obviously going to still sore about something, maybe because he has a lazy wife who demands that he cut her vegetables for her eyes (which I'm pretty sure don't do anything). Shes not worrying about how stressed or how he is after the fight, stuck up bitch

Comments

teresa96706 29

Monday 23 May 2011 10:54

he probably did that because he: is colorblind, didn't know what was the difference, didn't know lemons do that. or you're being bossy and deserved it. who tells someone "k, now put cucumbers on my eyes so I can relax now."?

SteelCladAngel 0

Monday 23 May 2011 19:41

Even being color blind you'd be able to tell the difference between lemon, a smallish rough skinned fruit in a vague football shape and cucumber an elongated smooth skinned fruit with some bumps and it's vaguely phallic shaped even someone who was fully blind would be able to tell the difference

markusse 0

Monday 23 May 2011 11:16

That's what you get for not staying in the kitchen and cutting your own damn cucumber! How would you know the difference from a powerdrill and a powersaw for instance? He would be mad if you picked the wrong tool.

nananabatmannnn 0

Monday 23 May 2011 11:44

And you can't slice your own food because....?

aback 4

Monday 23 May 2011 17:44

She hasn't even learned to use forks, yet. You expect her to use a knife?

itsalwaysYDI 0

Monday 23 May 2011 11:46

Did he do it on purpose or is he just that dumb?

niralz16 0

Monday 23 May 2011 11:48

honestly YDI for thinking he still wouldn't be mad at you. i'v known from experience that unless he somehow actually gets you back, he never will be officially "over" an argument.

TheIrishJaneDoe 8

Monday 23 May 2011 17:26

Sounds like you've picked some winners. =

bluegoldfish 7

Monday 23 May 2011 12:04

time for round 2: lemon juice in his contacts, chilli powder in his boxers, sharpie moustache before his alarm goes off, ex-lax brownies...

RainbowHeadache 2

Monday 23 May 2011 12:20

Why do I get the feeling that you demanded he cut you cucumbers rather than asked? If he asked you to make him a sammich & get him a beer after your fight because he wanted to relax you probably would've told him no. Prima donna.